Pop a Squat

I love my friends. I could write for hours about any one of them. I got a story for you, and this is how it goes...


Last night P-A-S gave me a call to talk about my blog. She calls these conversations, "One on one time with the author." We were talking about Partyboy and how he had lingered at my house all day.

"I just had the same problem, " she says. "I was drunk the other night and I had to pee really bad so I got out of my car and popped a squat next to my open door."

Yep, you guessed it. I've named her Pop a Squat. I can't remember a time this bitch didn't pull down her drawers and piss on the side of the road while we were out. She must have a bladder problem she's not aware of. I think its called alcoholism.

"So I'm sitting there pissing when this guy comes over next to me and asks me for my number," she continues.

Oh. My. God! What the hell is wrong with men in this world? I mean you guys are truly disgusting creatures.  The girl is taking a piss on the side of the road! What was he thinking?

I think this is funny as shit. Her response to him was even better.

She replies, "Can I finish taking my piss first?"

I'm dying! Who does this happen too? Only in LA man.

She finishes up and stands to talk to him. Again he asks for her number.

"Why," she asks. "Are you gonna do me right later on or something?"

Gotta love a cocky bitch. You know you're a bad ass when you can still tease a man after you just finished pissing on his shoes.

"Yeah I will. I'll eat your pussy all night," he replies.

Ew! I fight back the urge to ask her what the hell she was wearing!

They exchange numbers and she pulls away. Twenty minutes later she's home and he shoots her a text saying he wants to see her. Now.  Her drunk brain thinks, "why not?" and that dirty bitch invites Piss and Boots over.

"And you know what?," she tells me. "That fool was true to his word and he did eat me out all night long!"

"No!" I scream. "After he saw your dirty ass pissing on the side of the road?"

"Yep. I mean it was good and all but the next day I couldn't get him to leave. He just kept lingering and I was like get out already," she says sounding annoyed all over again.

I can't stop laughing.


"What the hell is it about you pissing that drives men crazy?" I ask her.

This scenario has happened with her once before. 

I used to be married. I haven't decided if I want to blog about that experience yet, but I was married for 4 years. We were together for a total of 10.

Pop a squat was at my bachelorette party at a club in downtown Long Beach along with Daria. Everyone was completely hammered that night except for me.

I remember we couldn't find her half the night. The club had two floors and only the top floor bathroom was in working order. Pop a Squat kept disappearing to take a piss. At the time I had no idea where but now I have my suspicions. Two am rolls around and the club is closing. We head outside and into the chaos. This is downtown Pine and there are clubs up and down the street for 3 blocks.  The street is full of people trying to get their last minute hook ups on.

I hear someone screaming my name behind me. Its Daria. She's hunched over like someone just punched her in the stomach laughing her ass off.

What the hell?

That's when my eyes shifted focus and I saw Pop a Squat over her shoulder....popping-a-squat. On the sidewalk! On the main blvd! In front of hundreds of people all exiting the clubs!

I didn't know what to do! Daria was totally useless. She looks like she's about to pee herself or at the very least have a small aneurysm.

I run over to a newspaper dispenser that's bolted to the wall. The front of the machine has a card board sign stuck to it. I yank it off and run back over to Pop a Squat.

I'm not sure what good I thought it would do. Pop a Squat is not a small girl. She stands about 5"10 with thighs almost as large as my torso. She has a tiny waist that makes her lower half look triple its actual size.

I stand in front of her with my 2 foot sign and try to shield her from the crowd. You should see this chicks face. Its pure ecstasy. I think I even saw her eyes roll back into her damn head.

She finishes up and I help her over to the bus benches off to the side. I turn around to see if Daria has managed to pull herself together yet. I find her still laughing up against the wall. Useless! I turn back to grab Pop a Squat and find her sitting on some dudes lap with his tongue stuck down her throat.

This nasty ass guy just watched her ass pissing on the sidewalk and allowed her to sit on his lap for a mack down?! Men. You truly are disgusting creatures.

I mean whats the story with that? What's the attraction? I am completely lost. For once I have no opinion. Feel free to leave comments readers. West Coast Carrie has no commentary for this one.

Good story though. Hope she doesn't kill me when she reads this.

WCC