The Fight

I think the reason they say it's important to stay single after a break up is so that you can hide from the world the fact that you've become a total emotionless freak...

I hadn't spoke to The Creeper in a few days so I decided to shoot him a text.

“Howz it goin Creepface?” I ask.

Creeper, "I'm sickie."

Me, “Cold? Or Mono?”

Creeper, “Why would it be mono?”

Me, “You’re a Creeper. Just figured I'd play the odds.”

Creeper, “I don’t like this energy you give me anymore.”

Huh? He doesn’t like the energy that I give him? He must be kidding? Asshole.

Me, “Hmmmm. I'll stay away then. I'm making you ill”

Creeper, “Drop the Creeper shit. Its annoying.”

What?! Dick. I mean really? This guy has text me the rudest and perviest shit I've ever heard in the past but he doesn’t like my energy? He's calling me annoying? Fuck this guy. I’m out!

I immediately go to my computer and block him from my Facebook and Match.com pages. I don’t need to be humiliated or hurt by someone I barely give a shit about. The whole point of being single is so I can avoid dicks and shits.

2 minutes later Creeper texts me again. “If you were sick I’d be way nicer to you.”

Seriously? What’s this guys damage? Now I’m questioning everything. Who is this Creeper? Is he sensitive, or manipulating? A dick or just an insecure man who hides behind his text? I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to find out so badly. Not for me, but for you Dear Reader. I mean up to this point he has been one of my favorite characters. The most difficult to categorize.

I decide not to respond. I’d rather wait until he notices that I've blocked him from all my social networks first….and to think I was going to bring him a bowl of soup. Asshole. I hope it really is Mono!

4 hours later...

Creeper, “Biter.” 

Ok, now that was funny. He was all pissy the other night because I kept biting his lip during our midnight makeout session. I couldn't help it! I mean I had to make that shit tolerable somehow didn't I? 

Creeper text, “So basically you met me in person…We kiiiiinda had an awesome time and then after you told me you were surprised at how sensitive and open I was. i.e. you responded well to me…And then all you’ve done since is call me a creeper.”

This text blows me away! I can't figure this guy out! Are his feelings actually hurt? Is this an act? Is he bullshitting? Does the name Creeper really hurt his feelings? Okay, note to self. Do not call boys by my personal pet names for them. They are sensitive creatures that can't handle shit.








I decide to believe the latter. It seems The Creeper may in fact be sensitive as all hell.
 
Me, “I may have over reacted to your over reaction earlier... Maybe.”

No response for 10 minutes, so I continue.

“I thought it was a pet name. Our thing. But you got way rude. And to think I was going to bring your dick ass soup.”





 
This text got him to respond.

 
Creeper, “Creeper is rude after awhile. I was feeling awful today and I was trying to be nice and you’re telling me I had mono and shit…”

Me, “I thought you were ok with sarcasm…do you have any idea how rude some of the shit you text me is?”

Oh my god! The two of us we're arguing like we're in a relationship…and by golly I think I like it! How messed up is that? The misunderstanding is familiar and warm like a soft dysfunctional blankie. Instead of shying away from the insane conversation all I can think is, "Wrap me up in your cushy relationship drama Creeper!"

Ugh...I have problems.

I wonder how far I should take this? I want to point out to him that he's never asked me out. He never wants to hang with my friends. Believe me, I've tried. The one time I did invite him out with my friends his response to me was, "I never want to meet your friends." Who says that? Such a freak.

The only thing he really wants to do is talk about fooling around. Not that I have anything against that, generally speaking, but I need something more from this guy. There's not enough chemistry between us, atleast not on my end, for our relationship to be based purely on the physical. I like him because of his wit. That’s what I want. I want to hang out somewhere and get to know him and figure this freak out.

I decide against this rant and wait. His answer finally comes, “The boredom had to do with life…It’s oddly constant…It had nothing to do with you… I didn’t mean to imply anything… Other than that I’m way nicer than you’ve been creeper… Until now I just thought you were intentionally being mean and then ya knowwwwww.”

Yeah, I know, I don’t get what he's trying to say either. But one thing is translating. Creeper is trying to apologize.

Maybe its me? Maybe this poor guy has been genuine with me on some strange level but I’m so emotionally detached it doesn’t register with me? I just continue thinking he's playing a game when in reality he's just being himself? I need to try to be nicer. I need to stop fucking this up.

I finally respond with, “For the record, the mono line was damn funny. You just lost your sense of humor along with your heatlh.”

Its official. Im a heartless bitch. Ugh, okay...I'll try again.

I text, “Okay, let’s start over. I’m sorry you're sick and its making you over sensitive and rude. Kisses on your clammy fevered face.”

Don’t look at me like that! This is the best I can do...Oooohhhh fine!

“You did actually hurt my feelings. And that’s me being real,” I send.

Wow. It took 3 texts but I did it. There's only one way I'm going to be able to figure this guy out and that’s if I choose to believe in who he is trying to get me to believe he is. Yes I know I'm not making sense but just roll with me here ok?

Creeper, “...and you really hurt mine too. Except now I took Dayquil and a couple bong hits and I feel at about 94%… on the realZzzzzz I have no intention of hurting you. I had fun with you. You are fun. I.e. Not trying to be mean- MEANO. Sorry your feelings were hurt thoughhhh”

Okay. Call me stupid but I believe him. My heart just melted with the cuteness of it all. Sweetie sweet pants. Is this guy for real? I almost feel bad sharing his story. Almost.

I’m not sure how to respond.

“Okay. Thank you. And I’m sorry for blocking you from all my social networks lol”

I know, not so sweet but it’s the best I can do.

Creeper, “ Oh, you deleted me?”

Me, “Blocked.”

I feel amazing! We are sharing our feelings like a real couple. I'm feeling all the same pulls and comfort like those one feels in a real relationship…this is an amazing break through for me and I think for him too!….I decide to roll with it…

Me, “Sorry. I don’t like being hurt. Can’t handle it as well as I did in my youth. I bolt lol”

Totally vulnerable. Totally open. We are sharing our feelings and its all good….or so I think.

He doesn’t respond. 10 minutes go by…then 20…40 minutes…

Oh my god…what did I do!!!? I sooo went over board! He is totally freaked, I just know it. I was right the first time. It was all an act! He really was the Douche! He was just apologizing because he wanted to keep in contact with a hot chick whose pants he wanted to soil ..lord or lord what the hell was I thinking?

An hour later Creeper finally texts back, “Wow. Okeee”

I’m a moron.

WCC