Me: "Creeper Hates Me."
I don't really expect a response. He was pretty pissed at me before. Done. He thought I was a head case tease. I would probably have to harass him for a few days before he will be willing to text me back.
"Wait. What!! You want to trade Bjs?? Weirdddddd" he responds within seconds.
A huge grin breaks across my face. Creeper Loves Me. Freak.
"Totally" I text back.
Creeper:"You. Are. A. Liar."
I totally am. I have absolutely no intentions of seeing this guy again. And there is no way in hell I would ever put the mans penis in my mouth. Ew. Creeper penis. No thanks.
I respond, "Prove it."
What? I'm bored.
"So if you came over right this second you'd let me go down on you. And then right after you'd go down on me??? Hahaha... Yeah you're definitely not gonna do that" he texts.
Ok. Maybe I was wrong about him being relationship guy. I think he is creepy stoner middle of the night Match.com pervy guy. Looks like I had him pegged from the get go.
"Sure I will," I respond."Right after karaoke."
Lets see if he really is a Creeper.
"Sorry" he sends back.
Yep. Perv. I'm out.
"Thought so. Guess we're both liars." I send him.
I'm not sure how he is going to respond to this line. I wonder what this guy does? Stalks the halls of Match.com until he finds a taker? Someone to enjoy mutual masturbation with? Creepster.
"I just don't think we fit in the datey way. So if you want to go on dates with me then it's not gonna work. But I also completely respect you not wanting to hook up with me too. I get it." he texts.
Huh? He doesn't think we fit in the datey way? I don't need a date dude, I would just like to see you socializing with one other person so that I know your weird ass has atleast one friend.
Yep. He's a perv. Not interested in dating but wants a quick hook up. I can respect that.
I want to tell him. I mean I'm done with all of this. He doesn't know where I live. He's never met my friends. I've already blocked him from my social networks. What could be the harm?
I see that Pop a Squat is on FB. I send her a message.
"I want to tell Creeper the truth. Should I do it?"
"no, he's way to sensitive & he'll leave comments bashing!" she says.
"Maybe. But I can delete them. He just told me that he doesn't think we would work in a datey way. He is just looking to hook up with me. I think i had it right the first time. He's a perv. So do i tell?"
PaS: "yes he is but just be on he look out for his revenge! lol"
Me: "i don't think he will. i think he'll be blown away. i think he is a creeper. not so much sensitive as just weird. i think he is a writer. he might appreciate it. not sure. i do talk mad shit tho!!"
PaS:"go for it. I'd love to hear his replies"
"Let me screw with him a bit first and see what happens." I tell her.
I send him another message,"lol. Had you pegged the first time. You are by far my favorite character dear Creeperpoo."
Creeper,"So pretend like you want to go down on me already."
Ew. I'm done. Fuck it. I'm telling him.
Ok. No. Calm down. I want to know something first while he's still talking to me.
"Ok. Answer me something honestly. And I'll tell you something that will blow your mind..Do you actually creep the corridors of Match looking for hook ups or do you go out with people and that's just the way it was with me? Hones answer. Inquiring minds want to know. Tons actually." I text him.
I'm hoping he answers with the truth. I want to close this guy out. But I'm dying to know. For me and for you dear reader.
Then the most amazing thing happens. He tells me the truth.
"I'm looking for a girlfriend. If I can't find her, I'm looking for someone awesome to blow me occasionally. Hahaha. Can't believe I just wrote that. I'm awesome." he sends.
I freaking love it! This is better then any ending I could have made up. I love you dear Creeper. Rock on brother..Rock on.
I text back my goodbyes, "You really really are. Thank you so much Creeper. you gave me the perfect ending to nan awesome saga. You were so the fan fav. You rock baby."
"toots. See ya never?" he sends.
Funny. He thinks he's giving me the kiss off. Guess he is. He just doesn't know that I don't care.
"Wait!," I tell him,"let me finish this post so I can give you a proper kiss goodbye. Give me two secs and I'll send you the link. God you rocked lol."
But before I can finish typing this all out, Creeper sends another message, "Well just so you know for future reference you should know that I actually think you're really cool. That's why I'm being so honest and obviously self destructive... "
Huh? What the hell? Why is he ruining this moment for me?
Me:"Ugh! Seriously dude? I'm in the middle of this and then you have t go all sensitive guy on me? I can't keep closing and reopening the book on your ass. Pick one. The honest one or the Creeper so that my alter ego can stop battling on what to do."
I know this is probably making very little sense to him. I'm totally having an imaginary argument with him. I'd give a dollar to know what he thinks I'm ranting about. Dammit. I wanted to finish this up and send him the WCC link. Now I feel kind of shitty again. Maybe he isn't the Creeper?
Creeper, "I know were not wifey material but I also know you're a little too cool to fall for my normal Bj schtick...So I decided t just let you knowwwwwwwwwww... You deserve wayyyyy more than what I'm offering that's for sure."
Annndddd the Creeper is back. He was just trying to get his kicks and eat them too. Love it.
I send him the WCC blogspot link. Here goes nothing.
RIP dear Creeper. Thanks for the good time. Kisses on your clammy face.
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