Strippers in 3D

I went to a strip club with Douche Bag last night.

I started the night downtown with HC, HB and a few of the hispter crew. We went to a super cool 3D concert being held in some old downtown buildings ballroom. I had speeded my way home to change so that I could join them. I threw on a black dress with my vintage multi colored jacket. It has fur around the collar and cuffs. Makes me feel like Foxy Brown. I slipped on my knee high brown leather boots and out the door I ran.

The concert was sold out.  Homeless Boyfriend scored me a ticket, but it almost didn't work. We hadn't realized that the actual tickets were the black rimmed 3D glasses everyone was walking around with. I ran up to the booth window where Astro Boy was collecting his specs. The two of us double teamed the ticket seller and finally convinced her that giving me a pair of glasses was better than watching me cry. She handed them over with a wink and a side of 'get the hell out of here'.

We walked into the ballroom. High ceilings with low-hung chandeliers. There was a stage at the end with a large screen placed behind a DJ booth.  There were two performers on the stage rapping against deep house music.  We squeezed our way up to the front of the stage where the Street Artist and the rest of the hipster crew were dancing. The second we hit the stage lip the performers on the stage shot off two guns full of confetti. We all screamed in appreciation and danced through the colorful snow. We pass out hugs to each other and then quieted down as the lights began to dim and the screen began to glow. We see an explosion of lights and floating boxes and snakes and a whole zoo of shapes and patterns. The singer danced around the stage seemingly just missing the floating madness around him. Every few minutes they would throw glow sticks into the crowd. I grabbed a handful and stuck them into my pony tail. It was a trip. Fun.

When the concert was over we all headed up a flight of stairs to a hidden bar. It was gorgeous inside. Low ceilings with dark floors and intricate carved moldings with baby cupid faces placed at the corners of the room. I felt like I was in the inside of the Titanic or something. There were 3 black women on the stage belting out honey-like harmonies. To the right they had two chicks doing nail art. Hippie Chick and I walked over to get our nails done. Well, a nail done. They wanted $3 finger. One would do. Street Artist walks over and wants in on the nail time action. He takes a seat and gets some art done on his finger too. Man he's cute.
We chilled for a bit until we tired and then decided to head out.

I called up Glasses to see where he was at. I was supposed to meet up with him tonight but I got carried away downtown.

"I'm at Douchebags, come down." he tells me.

I have him text me the address and I head over after dropping off Hippie Chick and Homeless Boyfriend at The Plex.

I pull up to Douchebags and call Glasses again to get the apartment number.
"Oh we left," he says. "We are across the street at the strip club."

Really? No thanks.

"Dude, I don't want to go to the strip club. I'll just catch you guys later." I tell him.

"No no, come down. It'll be fun I swear. Just come," he pleads with me.

Fine fine fine. I agree and cruise back around the block and land in front of the flashing boobies sign. Glasses is standing outside the club with Partyboy. Man I can't seem to shake this guy. I reach into my back seat and grab Partyboy's sweater and hat. He left the hat at The Plex the night before and forgot to grab his sweater from my car. Again.

"Dude, take these. I have a freaking Partyboy shrine in my car right now."

Partyboy walks over unsteadily and takes his things. Then after a few tries and misses plants a kiss on my cheek. Drunk. Again. Predictable.

I give Glasses a hug and we head inside the club. The whole PartyGuy crew is in the entryway. A mixture of girls and guys that all live in the same apartment as Douchebag. I see a few of them with glowsticks around their wrists and necks. "Downtown?" one of the guys asks me. I still have my glow time fun in my hair and I drove the whole way over still wearing my 3D glasses.

"Hell yeah," I respond giving him a high five."How amazing was that concert?"

The group responds in the affirmative. We start gabbing about the 3D action when Douchebag comes up behind me. "Hey you," he says giving me a hug...and a double pat on the ass.

Agh! I hate that. Do not touch my ass unless invited buddy.
He walks back away and continues haggling with the door guy to get us all in. They finally come to an agreement and we all walk into the club.

It's pretty much what I expected. Red velvet seats, a few booths against the wall and two runways with poles down the center. There are neon lights spaced out on the walls and lining the stage. Looks way cool through my 3D glasses. I decide to keep them on. The place is pretty empty so it's really just the strippers and us. We all take a seat in the booths against the wall. Partyboy plants himself next to me. He always seems to gravitate my way when I'm around. Old habits die hard I guess.

Douchebag is running around being the party director as usual. His trademark leather jacket is on with that same thin layer of sweat across his lip. He really should think about buying a lighter jacket. Every few he punctuates a sentence with, "That's what she said." It's hilarious. I find him so entertaining at times. It doesn't even bother me that he talks trash about me. It's just his way. Like I said, at least he's consistent.

I look over at him now and see that he has his face in a strippers ass. Literally in her ass. I turn to one of the girls in our group and tell her to remind me not to let him kiss me goodbye when I leave. She laughs and right before she gives me a response my view gets blocked by Partyboy. He has leaned over and is resting his weight on my lap. He's so funny with me. I don't really consider him a friend. I don't think I ever will. I'm not really into being friends with people I've fooled around with. It's too weird. But he's drunk so I leave him be. At least he's quiet and not acting a fool.  He only stays that way for about 10 minutes. Then he leans back against the booth and promptly passes out.

"We should all get up and just leave him," says the same PartyGuy's girl.

I laugh and tell her let's do it. I'm totally lying of course. I would never leave him like that. We aren't together but I still care. Bottom line is he has been very sweet and respectful to me during these last few weeks. Whatever connection we had is still there, so for now, I'll help babysit.

Just then a stripper comes up to me and rubs her almost completely naked body against my arm. She's warm and attractive and has the whole seductress look down to a science. "I'm so going to steal that look," I think to myself.

"Do you want a lap dance?" she asks me.

Kind of. I mean I'm not gay at all. I've never experimented with any girl on girl action before but if I did I would totally go for this chick.

"No I'm good but I'm sure one of the guys would," I tell her instead. Honestly I would have to be really drunk and not in the company of my Besty Glasses or the pervy eyes of Douchebag to do something like that.

"Which one is really horny?" she asks me.

"Well me," I think in my head. Instead I point to Douchebag who is standing in front of the table talking to his adoring Party gang. She walks over and wraps herself around him. He reaches down and gives her ass his trademark double tap. Ew. Now he's totally ruined  her for me.

I look over at Partyboy. The guy is actually snoring. Leave it to him to pass out at 4am in a strip club with 12 other people partying around him. I pull out one of my glow sticks and place it behind his ear wishing I had tinsel so I could continue decorating him.

It's almost closing time so everyone starts to get up and leave. Glasses and I both look at Partyboy who is still snuggled comfortably in his seat. "Not it!,"I yell at Glasses tagging his shoulder. He laughs and then walks away. Ass.

I turn towards Partyboy and shake his leg. Nothing. I reach up and pat the side of his face. That does it.
"Let' go PB. We're leaving. Put on your sweater." I tell him.

He slowly sits up and starts to put his sweater on under his jacket. He is moving at a snail's pace. I look over at Glasses who is laughing at me from the doorway. I glare at him and then turn back to help Partyboy get his shit together. He finally manages to get his jacket back on. I grab his phone and tuck it into his pocket. Man did I dodge a bullet with this guy or what? Sweet dude but he's a total mess.

We head out of the club and the two of them jump in my car. We pull back up to Douchebags place, where I decide to say my goodbyes. Its 4 am and time for me to hit the hay. I let Partyboy get out and I turn to Glasses to give him a hug goodbye.

"Tomorrow dudey? Super bowl?" I tell him.

"Yes, for sure. Call me when you're on your way," He tells me.

You got it Besty. See you tomorrow. And this, time no strip clubs.