Screw the Flowers. Send me a Creeper.

I expected some random Valentines day text messages but nothing prepared me for this.

I had spent the entire weekend moving out of my old apartment and into The Plex. No partying for me. I was all  business. I rented a Uhaul Saturday morning and with the enlisted  help of Homeless Boyfriend, my dad and my fourth new roommate, Mr. Boston, we knocked out my place in 14 excruciating hours. We had planned on attending a Zombie Ball Saturday night,  but once 10:30pm rolled around, we had actually become  Zombie's. I owe them both dinner. I plan on making something next week once the horror of the move has faded a bit.

I finished up my last load on Sunday night at around 12:30 am. That's when I received the first of my Valentine's text messages from my sweet Highlander.

"Goodnight boo, hope you're feeling better," he sent me randomly. We had exchanged a few texts  over the weekend, but he knew I was in moving hell so he had kept his contact to a minimum.

"Thanks...the cough is better..Still moving...night!" I respond.

"Well glad to hear it hasn't affected your health. Btw, Happy Vday!" he tells me.

Wow. Valentine's hadn't even crossed my mind. I mean I knew it was coming but it had been of no real concern to me. I've never really been the type of girl who needs to celebrate greeting card holidays. I don't care much for flowers and have no need for a fancy dinner. Valentines never much mattered to me when I was in a relationship so now that I'm single the day hardly exist in my world. It's sweet that The Highlander of me though. I guess I have a Valentine after all.

"Ha...now there's something I didn't think about...happy Valentines Day," I reply back.

"Well leave it to me to plant subliminal ideas in your head disguised as topical pleasantries," he reponds.

Huh? This guy is funny.

"Did you really just say, topical pleasantries?" I text.

"YES! Add it to my tab. I'm certain it will be an ever growing list of phrases and word combos that you've never heard!"

Oh I've heard them. I just don't know anyone who would use them. I'm not sure how to respond. I honestly just want to text back the word, "Nerd". I decide to send something less offensive.

"I'm sure it will."

Simple I know, but it was all I trusted myself to say. 

I was pooped so I headed off to bed. The next day at work I received a few more text. The first that morning was from 10 Points.

"Happy Valentine's day," he texts. I can't help but think that I was one of many who he had sent this simple impersonal message to. 

"And Happy Valentine's day to you," I respond.

Now here's a guy I didn't really care to hear from. I had asked him to send me a photo the other day for his caller ID picture on my phone. The real reason I asked him for one was because I wanted to get a better view of his face. I mean  Daria and I had already established that he had a rockin body. But I still wasn't sure if his 6'4 height was enough to compensate for his possible hideousness. It wasn't. His  height may have given his face an extra 10 points but his face started in the negatives so it definitely wasn't enough.

What's worse is I think the guy is kind of a Douche. When I asked him for a photo, he sent me a model shot within seconds.  I made a joke about how quickly he had came up with a pic to text me. His response was, "Well I model on the side sweetie. I have to have them  on my phone ready to go."

Don't know what that means. All I know is that I hate to be called sweetie. Then when I asked him if he wanted to come down and help me move, you know, so that he could put his muscles to work, he responded by laughing at me.  On the flip side I was receiving messages from The Highlander all weekend apologizing for not being able to assist me due to his injury. I'm so over Mr. 10 Points. I need to blow him off but I haven't decided how to do it yet. Hippie Chick came up with an idea.

"You should just tell him that your a lesbian," she told me.

I laughed at the time but now I find myself considering it.  Maybe I'll tell him I've decided to  get back with my ex girlfriend or something.  It might be pretty funny.  I'll let you know my final decision later dear reader...

A few minutes later I received a text from my bestie, Glasses. So sweet.

"Happy Valentine's boo boo!"

I laugh. I had told him once that in order to not screw up guys names I would just call them boo. He has taken to calling me that on occasion. I love my friend.


"Same to you Bestie!" I send back.

But its the third text that blows my mind.  Totally unexpected. I had to look down at my phone twice to make sure I was reading it right. I received a text from, drum roll please...The Creeper.

He texts, "3 weeks later after no contact Creeper texts me out of nowhere and of course on Valentines day. And in true Creeper fashion he texts none other than, "Hey, wanna be romantic and trade Bj's in my garage? You first."

"Lmao! You rock!" I reply.

"And then you answer withhhhh, 'Lmao!  You rock......I'll get drunk and see you around midnight?' Creeper returns with. 'Cool, I'll clean up a little.' " 

"Make sure  to light some incense," I add.

"Wait...for romance or for the smell? Need to understand what your context was?" he says.

"Sorry. I wrote that the last time I went to your place that not only was it super clean but I swore I smelled something scented," I tell him. "Missed you Creeper."

I meant it. I had missed his character. I missed his strangeness and our ridiculous banter.  He was my random text at night. My puzzle box. I had heard a song the other day that had reminded me of him and it had made me a little sad. I regretted telling him about my blog. I wish I would have kept it going so that he could continue to make occasional cameo's in my crazy life.

"Ok. So real deal, " he continues. "Come over for some emotional hugging followed by me giving you an 'alright' orgasm all built up to me beating off, convincing you to get slightly more interested in the activity at hand and then me cummin on you this time.  Sorry sacrifices  have to be made. What do you think?"

I know I should be disgusted or at the very least, insulted by his text. The funny thing is,  I'm not. I think it's hilarious.  He's quoting lines from my blog almost verbatum. To funny man. The last we spoke I had sent him the WCC blog spot link. He had read, "The Creeper," and had completely flipped out on me. He had  text me all night nonstop trash talking about my blog. He had called me trite and said that in every line I was patting myself on my back. (I had almost text him back, "You get me man...you get me," but in the end, I decided against it.)  That I had made myself the hero of the story at his expense. He said that I was simply giving a clever lecture instead of allowing for both sides to give input about the relationship. That I should post his side of the story and then see what my readers would think.

He was right. Well partially. I actually write myself not as the hero, but as the SUPER hero of my stories. No one wants to hear your side of the story Creeper. If that's what you want to do then write your own blog. I write about what you show me. In real life there are no confessionals. Women seldom know the reasons behind why a man is being a dick. All they see is the dick.  I write about what you DO, not what you think. We are defined by our actions. Not the vision we have of ourselves in our heads.

"Ah. Sweet Creeper. Don't ever change. You will forever be my pervy boo," I send him.

"See you at midnight/1am," he says.

Like that's ever going to happen. I may have missed his occasional pervy text but there is no part of me that wants to see this fool again. Plus I'm pretty sure that if I showed up he would be waiting for me with a baseball bat.  I think it's safe to say he is not a fan of WCC.

"lol...Lord knows what you would have waiting for me, " I text him.

"Just some crymaxing. It's cool," he sends.

Ew.

"I'm afraid to ask what that means, " I  send.

"Tears for lube, " he replies.

"Annnnnndd that would be why.."  I respond. "Sorry. No more visits to Creeperland for me...I do wish I could have known you on the other-side of the rainbow though."

It's true. I wonder who this guy is outside the perv. Since the first time I met him I wanted to see him in his own environment.  He was so strange one on one. I mean who is this guy outside of his stoner garageland? Guess I'll never know.

"Ha ha. I don't give the real me out to anyone," he says. 

Interesting.  I think this guy has been seriously damaged. I'm not sure what exactly happened with his ex but man was he hurt. He has completely separated himself from well, himself.  He has turned dating and women into a game. (I can respect that)  He told me once that he had intentionally turned himself into what every women hated most.  He talks about BJ's and never takes them out. Since I've met him  all he does is get stoned in his garage while shooting out disgustingness to the female population of Match-dom. 

That could explain my constant confusion with him in the past. I could sense the pain. He would occasionally show his sensitivity. Then he  would completely throw me off with his doucheness.  He has built up his walls and shows women what he wants them to see in an attempt to not show them who he unfortunately is. A sensitive insecure man who was wrecked and who still remains angry at the bitch who wronged him.

"Ha. Same here. I thought there was something about you I liked," I tell him.

I think that's the part I miss most about The Creeper. The fact  that we were both playing each other. And neither one of us cared. We didn't try to hide the fact that we were playing a role. We just engaged in our faux relationship and kept it going to avoid the boredom of being the real us.

"So you'll be here in 10-15 orrrrrr?" he sends.

Or what?  I choose to ignore you, pop some popcorn and write all this shit down? Yes, yes I will.

I end the texting here. There is no where for this to go. I love the Cameo but I honestly can't keep up the banter. Plus I definitely have no plans of ever seeing the guy again.  For one, there's no way I couldn't stomach allowing him to touch me again. Second, I realize that it's not Creeper 'the man' I miss. It's Creeper 'the character'.  I love the people  I write about. Not because of who they are but because of who I make them. I kept Creeper  around because to me he was a colorful pervy character. But in reality he is just a pervy asshole jerk who I really shouldn't be talking to . 

I posted this last exchange in loving memory of you Creeper. I think going forward I'm going to have to leave you dead. Once again, RIP Creeper.

I got  off work at around 6:30pm. Traffic was a bitch. I had a few friends  text me inviting me out but by the time I had braved through the 1 hour traffic of the 10 fwy I was toast.

When I got home the whole crew was there. It felt  so good to not have to walk into an empty home. The lights were on and the place was warm. Hippie Chick comes out of her room and asks me how work was.

"Long,"  I respond.

She then asks if I want to go to the grocery store so  that we can pick up some dinner. Man I'm loving this roommate thing already.

We  pick up a huge slab of salmon and some wine. Once back at The Plex,  I put on some music and we cooked our boys a feast. Baked teriyaki Salmon with tomatoes, brown nutty rice, mash potatoes, green beans and 2 healthy bottles of Red wine.

I rummaged  through my boxes and found 4 colorful cubed candles that we place on a long dish for our table. We dimmed the lights and  ate our first family dinner  together. It was so nice! It was just me, Hippie Chick, Mr. Boston and Homeless Boyfriend. Perfect. Valentine's with my new Hipster Roomies. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

We sat in our little breakfast nook eating for about 2 hours just shooting the shit. I had myself two glasses of wine so you know I was loaded. I decide to send The Highlander a text.                    .

"How was your Vday?" I send.

"Not very eventful. How about you?"

"Had our first "family" dinner here at The Plex.  Nice, still chit chatting over wine. I've had two glasses. Which means I'm loaded," I tell him.

"Yes I recall your alcohol equivalence. Too bad I'm not there to take advantage of You!" he responds.

What?! Did The Highlander just come onto me?  I didn't think he had it in him. All I know is that I'm a bit drunk and I like it.

"I'm not far," I text back.

"Ha ha," he replies.

He's  right to laugh. I'm totally stuffed and buzzed and tired and really comfy in my new home with my new Plex family. I'm in for the night.

"Yeah, I'm full of it," I admit.  "But I could torture you with my junk tv as we lay on my bed and eat popcorn."

"Yes, I know you're full of it!" he tells me.

Hey! I can say that not you mr.

"Don't challenge me...that's it! I'm back in..." I tell him.

"I was gonna actually invite you over today in homage to Vday. But sadly never heard from  you and now your to drunk.  Oh well..." he says.

Now who's full of it.

"Yeah right," I respond.

"I'm being serious!"

"If you wanted to invite me you should have just called," I tell him.


 Now I'm a bit sad. I believe him. I would have loved to finally meet the elusive Highlander.

"Well I just wanted to see what the universe had in store for today...guess you were meant to spend time with family. You usually bug me at some point during the day and it just didn't happen this time."

"Hey! It was my first day back to work after a long weekend. I was slammed. Then an hour in traffic. I didn't get home until 7:30pm. But its sweet you thought of me," I text him.

"Yup! It's just as well because I was feeling melancholy today and wouldn't have been good company," he says in what I can only assume is an attempt to make me feel bad for him.

"Oh no worries there. I would have snapped you out of that in a jiffy," The wine texts back. I mean I text back.

"I see your two glasses over your maximum," he replies.

"I know. I'm officially useless...except for cuddle time. I could totally do that really well right now."

"Yes I realize that but sadly we are apart," he tells me.

This is fun. This is the first time The Highlander and I have really ever flirted. I know I should stop. I mean I'm supposed to be keeping this one on the friend tip. Damn wine. You're such a flirty creature.

"If only there were a way for you to get here without getting into a wreck?  Hmm..." he continues. "If only there were a way."

"I'm not that drunk," I respond.


I actually am but whatever.  He doesn't know that.

"Ha ha...I'm happy that you had a great Vday," he tells me.

"It was nice...but the prospect of invading your bat cave would have rocked too," I say.

"Ha. Don't worry. Soon," he responds.

I hope so. I've obviously totally thrown the friend thing out the window. When I meet you sweet Highlander, it's gonna be game on.

I turn back to my roomies.  We are now gathered around Homeless boyfriends computer watching random YouTube music video's. We talk for another hour or so about what we should name the bowling league we want to start and when we should have our housewarming. Soon 2 am rolls around so we all say our good nights and head to our beds.

This truly was a great Valentine's day. I spent it with my loved ones.  My true LA Fam Bam.

Today was a day worth remembering.

Happy Valentine's Roomies!  And to you Dear Reader. I hope you spent it with someone you love.

I know I did.

 

WCC