Numb

Saturday morning I found myself sitting in the Salt Lake City airport, still drunk from the night before with zero sleep. This had seemed like a much better plan last night at the after party...

I've been in sort of a funk the last few weeks. I realized it was because the Holidays were approaching. I was lonely. I needed to see my family. I'm broke as a joke so that didn't seem like a possibility until Homeless Boyfriend came to my rescue with a Buddy Pass for Delta airlines. His mom works for them and was gracious enough to offer it to me.

My flight was scheduled to leave at 6 am Saturday morning, which meant I needed to be at the airport no later than 4:30 am. I had plans Friday night as usual.  Henny, Hippie Chick and the rest of the girls who are apart of my dance group were celebrating a birthday so we got all dolled up and hit the town. Homeless Boyfriend and Mr. Boston tagged along. We hit the usual joints. First Loaded, then Hemingways in Hollywood. When the last club shut its doors we started making phone calls trying to find the after party. Douchebag came to our rescue with an address and promise of a good time.

"Dude, maybe you guys should just drop me off at the airport now," I told Hippie Chick. It was already 3 am. It didn't make sense to have them drive me all the way to the party just to have to turn around and take me to LAX.

"Noooo," she answers. She was feeling good and ready to continue the party. "Just come! It's too early. We'll take you later."

"You really don't need to be there until like an hour before," Homeless Boyfriend says.

"Fine, I'll just take my suit case with us," I tell them.

We stopped at The Plex so that I could change and grab my suitcase before heading to the party.

It was a good time. Too much of a good time actually. Around 4am I realized that no one was sober enough to take me to the airport. Luckily for me Douchbag came to my rescue yet again.

"Take this," he said to me, handing me a large glass vase with a few dollar bills in it. "Look as pathetic as you can and ask for taxi money to get you to the airport so that you can be with your family..."

I laughed and did as he asked. Twenty minutes later I had collected $48 from the drunken party goers. Thank god I'm cute or I probably would have never raised the funds.

I called a cab, gave Mr. Boston and Hippie Chick a quick hug goodbye and off to the airport I went. I had a lay over in Salt Lake City. By the time I hit the snow covered tarmac, I was dying. I wasn't able to sleep on the plane thanks to the energy drink I had drank an hour before. I was crashing hard in the Utah airport, smelling of booze and dodging the sunlight like a new born vampire. Somehow I survived my 2 hour lay over and made it to the state of my Fam Bam...and into the waiting arms of The Kid.

I've been here 4 days now and during that time I've slept over The Kids house everynight except for last night. It's funny, I've never spent this much time with him before. Normally I'm only here a few days and I get to see him maybe once. The Kid parties hard and loves to sleep so normally after we spend an evening together, he disappears for a day or so to recover. Not this time. Every time I leave he asks what I will be doing later. He makes plans with me. Its cute. Its funny, after all these years I'm still surprised by how into me he is. I suppose I shouldn't be. We've kept in touch for almost 4 years now.  He obviously feels something for me.

It's to bad that I don't really feel the same way about him anymore. After his visit to LA, my feelings for him definitely changed. He just didn't hold the same magic for me that he had once before. It's not his fault really. My life and friends are far more interesting and entertaining than the average party goer. A girl like me needs something more than sweetness and availability. I need my Cool Rider. I need fire. I need to burn.

My family still loves him to death. We all partied together at my aunts house the other night. Goodtimes joined us along with his sister. We had a blast smoking out and pigging out along side my out of state relatives.  That night we went back to The Kids house and watched movies until we fell asleep. Without having sex. I've slept in his arms two nights in a row now without so much as a kiss good night. Just snuggles and laughs. We actually only got to bump and grind the first night I was here. The Kid was very drunk and doesn't remember having sex at all. I left the next morning without waking him.

He had called later that day.

"Where did you go," he asked sounding confused when I answered.

"My cousin and I were hungry so we headed back to my aunts," I told him.

"Okay," he says. "I woke up naked and alone right now. I was confused."

"I wanted to leave you feeling like a dirty whore," I tell him laughing.

"I really do feel that way," he responds. I could tell he was smiling. "Um, did we? I mean, we had sex right? I mean did I fall asleep during it or..."

I laughed again. This has happened before. The Kid gets drunk and has in the past fallen asleep during our sexual sessions. Like I said,  a Cool Rider he is not.

"I got mine, so I'm good, " I answer.

"Ok, good," he responds sounding relieved. "Atleast I was able to do that much."

I laugh to myself. My orgasm that night had little to do with him. He provided the parts and I was the one to take care of my orgasm. He was just a warm sex toy. He should hardly be taking any credit for my goodtime.

He's on his way over here right now. He wants to take me to lunch. He really has been super sweet to me all week. He's spent every moment by my side almost as if I had came here to see him and not my family. I don't know whats wrong with me. Why can't I feel more? Why am I so numb? Who am I kidding. I know why. The Rocker. All roads lead back to The Rocker...

The Kid just text. He's outside waiting for me. I need to stop comparing and just enjoy my day with him.

There may not be fire with The Kid but atleast when I'm with him, I never have to worry about getting burned.


WCC