Intervention

"I get it, you just want love," I hear Mr Boston say, his voice slightly muffled by my hair. "I'm right there with you, but at the same time I still feel like I have nothing to give someone. I can't take that leap."

I let the tears stream freely down my face. Mr Boston re-adjust his body so that we are still snuggling without his weight crushing me. We're laying in my bed wrapped in each others arms. He knows that I need the human contact right now. In a way we both do. We're the only singles at The Plex and it just so happens that the two of us had just had our hearts crushed before moving in together. We've been on this journey of healing together.  He played his cards right. He stayed single. As for me? Well we all know the shit I've been getting myself into...

The Plex staged an intervention for me the other night. I don't think it was planned. Well, maybe it was. Long story short they wanted me to talk to them. I think more than anything they wanted me to feel. I mean sure, I've been angry. God knows I've been angry. But the one thing I haven't allowed myself to be is sad. I've said it, but I haven't felt it. Until my loving rat bastard meddling roommates decided to stop me in the middle of the street and force me to feel.

We had just came back from a friends birthday party. On the way home the boys were teasing me about the Puppy situation. By the time we reached The Plex I had had enough of the, "I told you so's".

I turned off the engine and turned to face them.

"Look, I get that this is probably funny to you guys, but believe it or not he actually did really hurt me."

I shouldn't have said it! I shouldn't have said the word, ''Hurt". The second I did the door cracked opened. The door that I had been leaning against for over a month. My eyes began to fill with tears.  I quickly got out of the car. Why in the hell had I parked so far?!

"Carrie wait," Mr. Boston says, stopping my hasty departure and pulling me into his arms.

That did it. The tears began to pour out of me. I couldn't stop them now if I tried.

"Look Carrie," Homeless Boyfriend says. "We're not trying to hurt your feelings. The point we were trying to make was that we told you not to get involved with Puppy and now look what happened. We were trying to help you avoid all this."

"So its my fault that he did this to me," I say to him, still crying.

"No," Homeless Boyfriend replies. "This was messed up. I don't want you to think that any of us are taking sides here. We're not."

"Carrie," Hippie Chick interrupts. "I don't think what your feeling right now has to do with Puppy. I think there's something more going on here."

"Come on, lets get into the house," Mr Boston says, squeezing me tighter.

We all head back into The Plex and my LA Fam Bam surround me on the couch.

"You know whats crazy," Hippie Chick says. "I've known you for like 3 years but I think this is the first time that I've ever seen you cry."

"I know," I answer. "I don't like to. I like to be in control."

"This is good then," she says. "You need to cry. You need to feel and let go."

"It was way to soon for you to be dating," Mr Boston says. "I mean all that crazy shit happened with The Rocker and then you got into this. You just need to be alone man."

"You said it yourself, you weren't really into Puppy," Homeless boyfriend cuts in. "It needed to end."

"I just didn't think it would be like this," I say. "I thought we were friends. I didn't think he had it in him to hurt me like this. I thought he respected me more. I thought he cared."

The tears start to fall harder. This is the reason I try to avoid crying! Once I do, once I open the gates, I can't stop them.

"You did keep telling him that the two of you would never be anything," HB tells me. "I know he shouldn't have done what he did, but I know you're not upset about not being with him anymore. I think you just never dealt with what happened with The Rocker. I mean have you two even spoke since the break up?'

"I text him a few times," I tell them. "He answered once, not the other. I guess he really was relieved that I left him."

I choke up again. God this crying business is exhausting! Mr. Boston pulls my head into his chest. It makes me feel better and I calm down a bit.

"We need to do this more," Hippie Chick says. "It's been a while since we have even had a dinner together."

"Yeah, what happened to our bowling league idea?" Homeless Boyfriend asks.

Everyone starts to laugh. The three of them start to joke with eachother and make small talk about nothing in particular. I know what they were doing. They were trying to take the attention off of me. They were allowing me to work through my new found pain. They were allowing me to deal with them still there. Supporting me in anyway that I needed.

We sat in our living room for an hour. Three am rolled around. It was time for us to go to sleep.  Everyone stood up and only paused for a moment before they gathered around me pulled me into a Plex Force hug.

I walked into my room and threw myself down on my bed. I was sad. After a few moments Mr Boston walks in and lays down next to me pulling me into his arms. We stayed that way for about 20 minutes. We talked. It was nice. It was what I needed.

"You just need to be alone for awhile," he tells me. "In the meanwhile, you have us."

I laugh through my tears. I've exhausted myself. It had been long night.

"Ok, I'd like to wash my face and go to sleep now Mr Boston," I say.

"Yeah, I'm starting to sweat on you now anyways," Mr Boston replies, pealing away from my tear streaked face.

I go into the bathroom and wash up. I lay back down onto my bed and prepare for a long night of crying.

I'm still crying. I wake up in tears. I fall asleep with them as well. I had avoided all of this for far to long. It was time for me to feel. Its time for me to cry and be sad. As much as I hate it, I know its good.

I don't know who I'm hurt by anymore. The Rocker, or Puppy? I think it was all just to much! I was in no place to be hurt by two guys within a one month span. I didn't ask for it. I loved The Rocker. I actually did care about Puppy. But neither one of them cared for me in the same way.

I don't want to deal with this pain anymore. So I won't let it happen again. I'll date. But I won't feel. Like Mr. Boston said. I don't have anything to give anyone right now.

So I won't.

WCC