Telling The Rocker about my secret seemed to bring us closer together. It wasn't an argument, but the experience did tug on both our hearts. In different ways, we thought we had lost each other. And neither one of us liked the way that felt.
He came over the next day and we snuggled and fooled around as usual. After he left I began to realize it was time. Time for me to stop being such a prude and actually let a guy into my ever so difficult to unlock chastity belt.Not that I haven't tried in the past. Ok, I only tried the one time. Thank god that didn't work out. I was being impulsive and silly with Partyboy. We're friends, and as much as I know I would have been ok with hitting and quitting him, who knows how he would have reacted? Things are awkward enough between us even with 3 months of zero fooling around under our belts. Imagine if I would have boned him and than met The Rocker? Mr. "I have a girlfriend" would never have gotten over it.
Not that I've had zero sex. I've fortunately seen The Kid three times in 5 months. A record for us. But sex with him? As you know, it's not the most satisfying. I need a challenge. I need variety. I need heat and passion and quite frankly I need that shit to be just a little bit dirty. The gentle boringness of The Kid has done little to satisfy my itch.
I had high expectations for The Rocker. Our makeout sessions were always so heated. You can usually tell what a guy will be like in bed by the style of his heavy petting. Is he quick and impatient? Slow and gentle? Does he bore of you after a while or does he camp out on your chest for several annoying minutes of nipple worship? I don't know who told guys girls were into that shit. Give them a squeeze, an occasional lick and than move on man. This is not feeding time.
As for The Rocker? He pays attention. He takes his time. He gives that perfect balance of heat and romance with a nice healthy dash of dirty just the way I like it.
I felt ready. Not enough to plan the night out. Up to this point I had been taking it slow. No. Not slow. I guess I've been allowing the relationship to move at its own pace. I go as far as my mind and soul is comfortable with. The other night he had reached around and unlatched my bra. I didn't stop him. I didn't feel uncomfortable with him doing so. But when he tried touch my bare breast? I had to stop him. I felt a moment of hesitation that told me I wasn't ready. He stopped immediately and settled for stroking my back.
It's been nice. The guy respects me. He appreciates that I have my boundaries and he is intuitive enough to know that they are in place because its who I am, not because I'm trying to play hard to get.
I invited him over the other night to have dinner with Nails, Mr. Boston and I. There's a yummy Mediterranean restaurant in Culver City that lets you bring your own booze. We all cruised over and ordered heaping plates of shawarma chicken, hummus and greek salads. The plan was to eat dinner and than head over to a carnival that had set up shop near The Plex. But after we cracked open the second bottle of wine that idea got tossed out the window.
Mr. Boston and The Rocker were locked into conversation for most of the night. It's been cute. They have some Bromance going on that I don't quite understand. I guess that's how things happen sometimes. You find certain people out there that you connect with. That's how it happened with Glasses and I. After our first hang out we just clicked. I love that my man and my friends are doing the same.
I spent my time smoking hookah and fading in and out of conversations with Nails and the boys. The whole time I was painfully aware of what The Rockers body was doing. Where he placed his hands. The shift of his body towards me. We started the evening by sitting demurely side by side but as the night wore on we gradually moved closer and closer to each other. He would lean in and give me an occasional kiss on my cheek and neck. I was sooo ready to go home and toss his ass down onto my bed.
We finally payed out our bill and headed out. Mr. Boston and Nails were going to a bar in Hollywood.
"We'd love for you two to join us," Mr Boston yells over to us from their car. "But I totally understand if you don't show."
The man actually winked.
Great. Now Mr. Boston is dictating my sex life...and I have to say I'm A-ok with it.
We both laughed and got in the car. "Where do you want to go?" The Rocker asks me.
"Home," I say.
The Rocker raises his eyebrows but doesn't comment. Good call my man. Don't ruin the moment.
We head back to The Plex and run into Hippie Chick and Homeless Boyfriend as they are heading into their bedroom. The Rocker realizes that he left our left overs in the car and runs back out to grab them.
"So," Hippie Chick whispers to me when he walks away. "Are you guys going to do it tonight?"
She has her trademark excited grin plastered across her face. I have no idea why my sex life makes her so stinking happy.
"No," I tell her. "I don't think so."
"What?!" she says. "Really? I thought you would for sure."
"I don't know, we'll see," I answer shrugging.
I'm not trying to be coy. Even though I realize it will happen soon, I don't necessarily need it to happen tonight. I didn't want to plan. I couldn't plan. I had to wait and see what my inner voice told me. And by my inner voice I don't mean WCC. We all know what that sex deprived bitch wants to do.
The Rocker walks back in and we all say our good nights.
We walk into my bedroom and I shut the door. It's funny. I mean I thought tonight might be the night but now I wasn't sure. Maybe it was too soon? In the past it's taken me at the very least a month to build the comfort and I trust I needed to sleep with someone. The only reason I made The Kid an exception was because we were on a time limit. I was only in New Mexico for a few weeks when we met. I didn't have the time to wait it out.
But The Rocker lived here. He wasn't going anywhere. And I liked him. Really liked him. Better yet, I trusted him. A rare find indeed.
I pushed these thoughts out of my head and laid next to The Rocker on my bed. We both knew this routine. We were locked in each others arms for around 15 minutes or so. Things gradually got more and more heated. I stuck to my original plan. Only go as far as I was comfortable with.
The problem was, nothing he was doing was making me uncomfortable. Before I could say, no means no, I found myself naked with The Rockers head planted firmly between my legs. Game over sports fans. The legendary self restraint I had with Partyboy in the past got left with him. As usual I found another man who loves to pleasure me, and I was looking forward to returning the favor.
"I need to go to my car and grab a condom,"he whispers to me.
Like hell you do.
"Reach into my jewelry box, I have one in there," I tell him.
Hippie Chick had taken to leaving condoms on my door knob leading to my bedroom. Like I said, my sex life thrills her to no ends.
The Rocker pops up to grab it. I'm not nervous. My comfort level is a little unnerving. Everything seems so perfectly natural with this guy.
Sorry, as with any sexual encounter that I give a rats ass about, this one is for my eyes only. But I will say one thing. The second we started I almost orgasmed. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because of the weeks of sexual build up. Or maybe it's because I like him so much. Or it could just be him. In the bedroom? The boy didn't disappoint.
Whatever the reason, I held back. I didn't want to ruin our experience with my man like libido. I was terrified that if I orgasmed, I'd be done and want to roll over and go to sleep. There has been to many times in my past that I've climaxed and than bored of the situation...and the man I was in it with.
I could tell he was trying to hold out until I did. Good luck with that one buddy. I pushed and encouraged him not to worry about it. I always find that interesting. You know? The fact that men feel defeated if a women doesn't orgasm. I don't think they understand that it's not a necessity. The beauty of being a woman is that it feels good the whole time. An orgasm is an extra luxury sort of like whip cream on a sundae. Not having one won't ruin the sugary goodness, but it sure is nice to have a little foamed on top.
Needless to say I won out. We ended in a sweaty tired heap on my shag carpet. I felt good. But not too good. Most woman, with the exception of the huge hoe bags of the world, feel an overwhelming sense of love and devotion to the man they've just slept with. Especially in the type of situation I was in, where we were both so completely enamored with each other. But I didn't. I liked him just as much as I did before we had sex. No more, no less.
I guess I've been fixed. Healed. It took 6 months of using men and one overly flirty experience with a chick to do it, but here I am. On the other side confidant, secure and indifferent to needing a man in my life. I like The Rocker because of who he is. Someone who's life I want to compliment. Someone who I believe can compliment mine.
My dad once told me that Huge Asshole "dulled my shine". That stuck with me. I don't need a man that makes me better but I certainly don't want to be with someone who makes me worse. Huge Asshole did that. He constantly tried to make me less than who I was. All in an attempt to bring me down to his pathetic, boring, uninteresting level.
The Rocker doesn't dull my shine. He reflects it. I like that.
I don't need someone to complete me. I just need someone who is complete. I need a man who is the party remember? I can do that with The Rocker.
And now the last piece of the puzzle has been locked into place. I may have held back the first time, but sex night number two? It was game on baby. We had sex 3 times that night. As a matter of fact its become habitual for us. Twice at night. Once in the morning. Just the way I like it.
I eventually did allow an orgasm to happen. And you know what? I didn't bore of him. I didn't want to stop. Still don't. This guy is going to be fun...
WCC
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