Jew Evolution

I spoke with The Crazy Jew today.

That's what I call one of my girlfriends. Don't worry. She knows about the nick name and loves it. And she loves WCC. She's been one of my biggest fans since the beginning. I met her the night I got Partyboys number at the bar near Homeless boyfriends apartment. She's been around for most of my blogs in motion since.

Whenever I post something new, she's the first I call. She met me as WCC. She is probably more familiar with my alter ego than I am so I love getting her opinion.

I messaged her today to see if she had read 'Damaged Goods'. I was freaked. I've never been this open before. I mean I know I've shared everything with you Dear Reader these last few months, but to me it has all been silly fun. Dating these guys didn't really mean anything to me. I was numb and distant. I could talk about them and me because there was never a time where anyone truly meant anything to me.

But writing "Book 2: Poisoned Arrows"? That was hard. That was real. It meant a lot to me. WCC didn't write that. I did. The real me.

That's part of the reason I've been so freaked. I wasn't sure how you all would react, Dear Reader. WCC is funny and light and sarcastic. She talks shit to deal with her pain. She's the one who protects the real me. She's the one you all have come to love.

But now? I'm in love. For now there will be no new characters. There's just me and The Rocker. I've been left with only one choice. Only one thing left that I can write about. And that's my past. I need to write about me.

I can't hide behind WCC anymore. I need to let my voice be heard...and I'm terrified about it.

I saw that the Crazy Jew was online so I sent her a message, "I just posted...I'm beyond freaked about it...I've stepped away from Carrie and the real me is now speaking...I hope the readers won't be weirded out by it..."

"I already read it!!" she sends back.

Gulp.

"I liked it alot. I think its a great direction," she continues. "Extremely interesting."

"Really?!" I reply, relief spreading through me. "Good. I wrote it last night but decided against posting it. I finally got the guts to post this morning. I wasn't sure if it still sounded like WCC you know?"

"It does, but it doesn't. Its like a new evolution," she says. "I dig it. It seems very organic and fitting."

"Yay! It's definitely more raw and real than anything I have written in the past," I tell her. "I want it to be like,'WCC's past revealed'...I'm not sure how much I am going to share. But I realize the more I do, the better it will be."

I know how much I plan to share. Everything. That's the scary part. That's where my hesitation comes in. I wonder if I have the balls to do it.

"That's the rough part about being an artist," she sends me.

Wow. That's what I needed to hear. I'm an artist. If this was easy everyone would be doing it. But this is my skill. My craft. I do what others can't. I share what others won't. For me. And for you.

"Yeah. The hardest part now is knowing that The Rocker is reading," I say. "No one else knows who I am so its not a big deal but man, he's is going to know more about me than he would normally want to."

"Ummmmmm, yeah. It reminds me of when Mr. Big finally reads Carrie's book," CJ says.

"That's right!!" I say laughing to myself. "All she wanted to do was have a fun sex filled weekend with him but he was too upset over the world she had written about him...I hope The Rocker can tell the difference. It's not that I'm making this shit up...I'm just only telling one truth. There are many. I write the juiciest of them."

"I mean that should help you figure out if he is for you," she tells me. "I mean if he can handle this shit, honey, he can handle YOU."

I laugh and sign off.

She's right. I shouldn't worry about censoring what I do. This is my life. I write. I share. Everything. It's my art and I love it. If he's the right one for me, he will love it as well.

So far so good. He has been nothing but supportive. He has learned to love what I do. My writing is another extension of who I am, and he has grown to love it the same way he has grown to love me.

But then again, he doesn't know whats coming.

I do. And soon, so will you Dear Reader. So will you.

WCC