RIP Kid

I never thought I would be saying this...but I think I'm done. I'm done with The Kid...

...

After picking me up from my mom's house, The Kid took me to an artsy part of town where we did a little shopping and strolled the streets together. We went to an underground wine lounge for appetizers and drinks. It was fun and romantic. Afterwards we headed to the bar where Goodtimes bartends. It was the perfect opportunity for us to spend some time with our mutual bestie while enjoying free drinks.

I stayed at his house yet again that night. We didn't have sex...yet again that night.

 

I think part of the problem is that the guy gets much too stoned! I may not get high often, but when I do I can still function. And by function, I mean get my freak on. Not The Kid. All he wants to do after a hit from the ganja is pork out and pass out. The same thing happens once he's been drinking. If he does attempt the bump and grind in a drunken state, he more often than not can’t finish the job. It's so frustrating! I mean can you even call it sex if the guy doesn't orgasm?

I should stop. I'm making The Kid sound like some drugged out deadbeat. He's not. Overall he's a great guy. For one he owns his own house. He purchased it in his mid-twenties. Pretty impressive for a small town boy. Plus whenever we go out, he always takes care of me. Every family event I've ever taken him to he has made sure to pitch in with money for food or booze. More often than not he brings a bottle or two with him. He can be sort of a snob when it comes to vacations and food outings. He ski's and plays volleyball on a league. He always looks pulled together and never leaves the house without splashing on a healthy dose of cologne.

His main downfall? He lacks passion. I'm a very affectionate person. I love to hug and kiss the one I'm with...often.  Most of all I love to have sex. I so rarely get the opportunity so when a pre-approved sexual partner is around I like to take full advantage. But love making with him leaves me cold. It leaves me wanting. I always say I'd rather have no sex than bad sex, so why is it that I'm willing to I settle for the soft calm, oh so annoyingly gentle, love making of The Kid?

I guess because overall, I just plain like the guy. We're friends. We've always been friends. I've enjoyed the fact that the two of us never treated each other like boyfriend/girlfriend. We've gone months in the past without speaking. When he did text it was always casual and easy as pie. Just a quick hi/bye with a side of, “What’s new?” This last year has been the most I've seen him since the first time we met. Mainly because this is the first time in a long while that the two of us have both been mutually single.

I think I've stared at him for too long this time. I can now see what I chose to ignore before. The Kid is not the one for me. Not because he lives far away. Not because he isn't good in bed. He's not the one because bottom line is; the guy is kind of dull.

When he's not drinking, The Kid is quiet and calm. When he is drinking he's obnoxious and impotent. What kind of personality choices are those?

It felt different in the beginning. He was the first person that I had been attracted to after my divorce. I liked him because he was good looking and well...calm. The complete opposite of my ex. He was calm and fun. He never tried to control me, or ever raised his voice. We enjoyed watching movies together and getting stoned while listening to music. I loved hanging in his space, partying with his friends and making out with him all night.

Wait, that's it! That's what this trip has been missing. That was the one thing The Kid always had going for him. He was an amazing kisser. The best I’ve had actually. I could care less about the sex, but the lack of kissing is a crime!

He has only leaned in for a kiss on his own accord once since I got here. We were at a gay nightclub downtown and he had grabbed me and pulled me in for a wet one. I had to be the one to break us apart. He was drunk as a skunk and obviously feeling confident and sexy. Since then I’ve been the one to pull him in for an occasional smooch. Of which there have not been many… 

I slept over The Kids house on Friday night. Well not so much as slept over as passed out on his couch. His cousin was in town so we all stayed up late watching movies and getting stoned. We made our way to the bedroom in the early morning. Don’t get excited. Nothing happened. Something would have if I had made the effort, but I didn’t want to.  I wanted The Kid to make the first move. There have been too many times in the past where I was the one to pull him in for a naked embrace. I'm over it! If he wants me, he knows where to find me.

Needless to say, he never started the search.

The next morning we hung around the house eating Thanksgiving leftovers and watching movies. The two of us really do seem more like friends than lovers most of the time. The Kid and his cousin decided to go hat shopping in the artsy part of town he had taken me to a few days before. I was feeling crusty and tired so I had him drop me off at my mom’s house so that I could re-beautify myself. I told him I would catch up with them later.

I went back to my aunts later that night. My cousin had driven into town from LA as well for the Holiday so I spent the evening drinking and eating with them. The kid shot me a text telling me he had decided to get some early Christmas shopping done with his cousin.

"No worries," I text back. "I'm partying it up at my aunts so I'm good. Just let me know when you’re done."

"Ok," he replies. "I still have to drive out to my uncles and drop off my cousin so I'll be a while."

The Kid sent me a few more text asking my opinion about various gift ideas for his mom. It was cute. It made me feel like the two of us were in a relationship. Maybe that's what it is? We have seen each other so much lately we had become like an old married couple. We loved spending time together and sharing what was happening in our lives. We enjoyed the comfort and the familiarity of the situation. Maybe the passion was gone because we were too familiar with each other?

No. That's Bullshit. The guy is dull.

The party began to die down and everyone finally decided to head out. My sister and I dropped my mom at home and decided to hit the town for the last hour of drinking time. I hadn't heard from The Kid since much earlier that evening. I figured he was partying it up with his family the same way I had.

I received a text from Goodtimes just as we were getting back into my sister’s car.

"Where are you? We want to hang," I respond.

"Downtown," he immediately replies. "Come!'

I swear sometimes I wish Goodtimes was the one I was dating. Damn that boy is attentive...and fun. I had spent an entire day with him a few days before. The Kid had been sleeping off his latest hang over as usual. So Goodtimes took my cousin, Double D, and I to the movies followed by a little bar hopping.  He paid for everything. I was calling him Daddy Goodbucks all night. It’s funny; when I’m back at home I speak to him more often than I speak with The Kid. He’s my out of state version of Glasses.

My sister and I finally hit the downtown strip. We stopped into one of my favorite nightclubs first.  They have great music and a variety of rooms to wander around in. Goodtimes had text me that he was a block away at another night club but we figured we would catch up with him later.

As the two of us were walking through the bar we saw a familiar face. It took a few minutes for us to realize it was The Kids cousin. The one he had been hanging out with all day. Which meant that somewhere in this joint, was The Kid.

My first instinct was to call out his cousin’s name. I stopped myself just in time. Alerting him of our presence would have been a bad call.

For one, this was a girl’s night out. The two of us planned on whoring it up sister style. My sister truly is an amazing wing woman. It had been ages since I had met anyone new in her city.  It was time for me to mingle and enjoy myself, boy free.

Second, his presence meant another thing. It meant The Kid had ditched me.

What a dick! I was only in town for one week! I had just spent the night and most of the day with the guy, but that asshole still had the nerve to go night clubbing without me?

When he had visited me in California with Goodtimes, I had spent all my time and energy on his ass.  I had taken 4 days off of work in order to lavish my attention and knowledge of the city on them. Since my arrival Goodtimes has called me on the daily to hang. But here was this asshole, ditching out on me so that he could booze it up behind my back? Dick. Dick. DICK!

A split second before my sister reached out to touch The Kids cousin shoulder, she hesitated. Well not so much hesitated as pulled a Matrix. The girl literally bent backwards and pulled her body away from him in a way that reminded me of the bullet dodging Matrix scene that has burned its way into pop culture memory today. She just missed grabbing his attention and blowing our cover. Thank god her mind works almost the same as mine.

 

I turned around just in time to see The Kids back disappearing around the corner towards the dance floor.

My sister and I looked at each other and said in unison, "We gotta go!"

We hurried our way out of the club and onto the street.

"That was The Kids cousin right?" She asked me.

"Yeah," I told her. "The Kid was there too. I saw him walking ahead of him."

"What an asshole," she says. "Why wouldn't he tell you he was coming down here? He knows you like to party here. Even Goodtimes called you to tell you what he was doing. What’s his deal?"

"Hell if I know," I say. "Let's just head somewhere else."

Downtown is a long strip of unlimited bars and restaurants. We head into a sports bar across the street (they have a DJ spinning at night. Fun.). We met some interesting characters and scored a few free drinks from the beefy but attractive bartender. Even so, I was barely having a good time. I couldn't believe The Kid! I was so disappointed.

Right on schedule, Goodtimes gives me a call at closing.

"What happened to you," he yells at me over the phone.

"We decided to bar hop," I say back laughing. "We’re in front of the Sportsbar, head over here!"

"Be there in a sec," he tells me.

Meanwhile I spot a group of out of state hipsters standing off to the side. Fascinated, I walk over and engage them in conversation. Might as well keep busy while I wait right?

I glance over to my left to see if I could spot Goodtimes and his crew. Instead, I see The Kid.

He’s walking in the middle of the street with his cousin…and two girls in tow. The girls don’t look particularly attractive. Short and slightly overweight. I grab a few of the hipsters and use their bodies to block The Kids view of my sister and I. Luckily he was walking the opposite direction and hadn’t see us.

A few minutes later Goodtimes walks up, giving me a quick pat on the ass.

“You talk to The Kid?” He asks me first thing. “We should head over to his house and have some drinks.”

“He’s here,” I respond.

“What, where,” Goodtimes asks, looking around.

“My sister and I saw him inside of the club across the street earlier,” I tell him. “We bailed and ran over to the Sportsbar instead.”

“Why? Did you call him,” Goodtimes says confused. “Maybe he’s still here.”

“I know he’s still here,” I reply. “I just saw him walking down the street with his cousin and a couple of chicks.”

I said this very matter of factly. No emotion, no anger. Honestly I wasn’t mad that he was with some fat broads. I was more  hurt that he had decided to ditch me for the evening.

“Really,” Goodtimes says, looking confused. “Dude, I’m sure that’s nothing. Let me call him.”

“No,” I say, slightly panicked. “If he wanted to hang with me tonight, he would have called. Let him do his thing and I’ll do mine.”

“Why, are you here with someone,” Goodtimes asks. “Like did you meet someone else that you want to hang with right now?”

“No,” I answer. “Ofcourse not.”

“Ok then,” Goodtimes says, pulling out his phone and dialing.

I immediately turn around and start to walk away. My sister had wandered to the side with the Hipsters and appeared to be ordering tacos from a roach coach.

“Why are you walking away,” Goodtimes asks following me.

“I’m just checking on my sister,” I tell him.

The truth was, I didn’t want to be standing there while he spoke to The Kid. I felt embarrassed. I’m not sure why. I guess I didn’t want The Kid to know that I had busted him. I didn’t want him to know that I knew he had screwed me over for the night. I didn’t want the drama. I didn’t want an explanation. I just wanted to enjoy what was left of my evening…Kid free.

Goodtimes must have read my thoughts because he closed his phone and followed me to the taco truck without another word.

The next day I received a text from The Kid in the afternoon.

The first said, “Whats up?”

I chose to ignore it. Mainly because the only response I could think of to say was, “Nothing dick.”

He text again a few minutes later, “Me and my cousin hit the town.”

A completely unsolicited confession huh? Goodtimes must have spilled the beans. So here this ass was trying to make himself sound like a good boy by sharing his night with me. Whatever.

I text him back three hours later…just to make a point.

“I know,” I finally said. “We walked right by you guys. Twice.”

“Really,” he answers. I got a very clear image of him raising his eyebrows innocently. The bastard has amazingly dark sexy eyebrows. “Outside or inside? We were with my cousin’s wife’s bff and her daughter…black dude magnets. I’ve never seen guys that aggressive in a club before.”

 Another confession. Hilarious.

"Both," I say, ignoring the rest of his text.

"Wow, I didn't see you gals. You should have jumped on me," he says, inserting a smiley face. "We might go watch Immortals later. You wanna check it out?"

I was so annoyed! I mean seriously? Why would I want to go hang out with the dick?  Maybe the girls really were nothing. But his excuse explained little. After all, they were his cousins wifes friends. So basically perfectly hookupable. And why would I go jump on him and tell him I was there? I'm not the type to force my company on others. I'd prefer to spend my time with people who value mine.

I hate these situations. I hate feeling this way. Unappreciated. Undesired. The lack of affection all week had been bad enough, but to ditch me like that? For a couple of broads who would obvioulsy still be here after I left? Such bullshit.

I don't respond. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. It was my last night in town. I had expected to spend it with him. Was this it? Was I done? Was this enough to end our 4 year romance?

"I'm going to take a power nap first," he text a few minutes later.

I waited an hour before I sent a response.


"K," I text.

He responded immediatley with, "Goodtimes has to pick up somone from work at 9, so the 10pm showing is the winner. What time is your flight tomorrow?"

I laugh to myself. I had never received such a quick response from The Kid. Especially during his nap time. I begin to feel bad. I mean maybe the girls were nothing. Maybe his cousin wanted some bonding time alone with his cuz. Maybe The Kid was just an idiot. He obviosly felt guilty. Even if I did decide to not speak with him again, did I really want it to end like this?

"Not until late. I'll text you later on when we are on our way," I say.

What the hell. It's not like I will be seeing the guy again anytime soon.

"Cool, sounds good!" he says. I can feel his relief.

Later that night, Double D and I head to his house.   I was nervous! I wasn't sure how how I was going to react to seeing him. My answer? Not well.

"Hey," I say after he opens the door.

He reaches out and pulls me into a hug. I avoid looking him in the eye. I can't seem to bring myself to do it. My cousin and I walk inside and take a seat. Goodtimes hasn't arrived yet so we have about a half hour to kill.

The scene is almost comical. The Kid won't sit down! He is running around the room cleaning up and talking his ass off. 

"Yeah man, last night was crazy," he starts off. "I couldn't believe how aggressive the black dudes were. I was actually starting to feel uncomfortable."

The Kid pauses for my response. I know he was expecting me to say something like, "Oh really? How so?," or "So what did you do?'

Instead, I decided to be a bitch and not say a damn thing. My cousin DD followed my lead. She, much like my sister, is another badass jokester. She often calls me in the middle of the night to ask my advice on how to torture the men in her life...just for fun.


After a few uncomfortable moments, The Kid continues is rambling.




I just sit there quietly. I answer a few of his questions, but only when he is not referring to the night before. He finally takes the hint and drops the subject all together.


I'm just not digging the whole situation. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to go home.


The Kid leaves the room and I turn to my cousin.




"Dude, how funny is The Kid right now?" I ask her. "I mean is it just me or does it seem like he is bugging out?"


"Oh yeah he is, "she replies. "He's so funny. I like how you wouldn't comment on his night. He didn't know what the hell to do." 




"I know," I say. "Took the ass long enough to realize I didn't want to talk about it. I don't know dude. I kind of wanna just go home."


Just as I made my decision, Goodtimes walks in followed by a scraggly haired girl and a little person. And by little, I mean a 3 foot midget.




My cousin and I exchange looks. Well there's no way in hell we can leave now! Leave it to Goodtimes to retain my interest in any situation.




He introduces us to his friends from work then we all gather our things to leave.  A part of me still wants to go home, but I couldn't figure out a way to do so without causing a scene. So instead I walked to The Kids car and got my unappy ass in.




The Kid was even more out of control at the movies than at his house. The two of us had been to the movies dozens of time with over the years and not once has he ever done what he did this time around. The guy actually put his hand on my leg! The entire movie he was rubbing my thigh and grabbing my hand. The Kid and I are not hand holders. On top of that, he wouldn't stop talking during the movie. He found any excuse he could to make a comment about the flick. I must say, it was pretty fun watching the boy squirm.






After the movie we head back to his place. I knew he expected me to stay the night. It was my last night in town. Our last chance to sleep together. I was positive he would pull out all the stops that night for me. Well, I'd be damn if I was going to give the guy the pleasure.




I sat down on the couch and began to plan my excape. I didn't want anyone to know I was leaving out of anger. I needed a legitamet excuse. The second I sat on the couch The Kid plopped down next to me. Well more like on me, than next to me. His leg was practically covering mine and his hand found my thigh again and gave it a squeeze.




That was it. I had had enough.




All of the attention and affection he was giving me was way too much, way too late. Where had this guy been all week huh? Did it really take guilt to make him treat me like someone he liked?




"So we gotta get going," I tell him after a few episodes of Family Guy.




"What, why, " he asks, looking concerend.




"My mom has to go in early to work tomorrow so she needs her car," I tell him.




It's a perfectly legitamate excuse. A complete lie, but believable enough for him not to question me.




I stand up to leave, my cousin following close behind me.




At the door, I turn around and give him a quick peck and a short hug.




"So what time is your flight," he asks me.




"I need to be at the airport at around 4pm I think," I tell him.




"Ok, I'll give you a call in the morning," he says to me. "Maybe we can grab lunch or something."




I give him a quick smile and turn around and walk to my car.




He didn't call the next morning....or the one after that.




He's texted a few times since then. I've responded, but we both know things aren't the same.




I don't know what the future holds for the two of us. All I know is that I'm done. Done with the relationship part. I don't want to pretend. I don't want to force it. The guy just doesn't do it for me anymore. I'm calling it. Time of death? Right fucking now.




I'm happy we ended on a good terms. Now I won't have to worry about things being awkward in the future, because whether the two of us want to or not, we will be seeing eachother again.




Afterall, Goodtimes is still our mutual Bestie.





WCC

Numb

Saturday morning I found myself sitting in the Salt Lake City airport, still drunk from the night before with zero sleep. This had seemed like a much better plan last night at the after party...

I've been in sort of a funk the last few weeks. I realized it was because the Holidays were approaching. I was lonely. I needed to see my family. I'm broke as a joke so that didn't seem like a possibility until Homeless Boyfriend came to my rescue with a Buddy Pass for Delta airlines. His mom works for them and was gracious enough to offer it to me.

My flight was scheduled to leave at 6 am Saturday morning, which meant I needed to be at the airport no later than 4:30 am. I had plans Friday night as usual.  Henny, Hippie Chick and the rest of the girls who are apart of my dance group were celebrating a birthday so we got all dolled up and hit the town. Homeless Boyfriend and Mr. Boston tagged along. We hit the usual joints. First Loaded, then Hemingways in Hollywood. When the last club shut its doors we started making phone calls trying to find the after party. Douchebag came to our rescue with an address and promise of a good time.

"Dude, maybe you guys should just drop me off at the airport now," I told Hippie Chick. It was already 3 am. It didn't make sense to have them drive me all the way to the party just to have to turn around and take me to LAX.

"Noooo," she answers. She was feeling good and ready to continue the party. "Just come! It's too early. We'll take you later."

"You really don't need to be there until like an hour before," Homeless Boyfriend says.

"Fine, I'll just take my suit case with us," I tell them.

We stopped at The Plex so that I could change and grab my suitcase before heading to the party.

It was a good time. Too much of a good time actually. Around 4am I realized that no one was sober enough to take me to the airport. Luckily for me Douchbag came to my rescue yet again.

"Take this," he said to me, handing me a large glass vase with a few dollar bills in it. "Look as pathetic as you can and ask for taxi money to get you to the airport so that you can be with your family..."

I laughed and did as he asked. Twenty minutes later I had collected $48 from the drunken party goers. Thank god I'm cute or I probably would have never raised the funds.

I called a cab, gave Mr. Boston and Hippie Chick a quick hug goodbye and off to the airport I went. I had a lay over in Salt Lake City. By the time I hit the snow covered tarmac, I was dying. I wasn't able to sleep on the plane thanks to the energy drink I had drank an hour before. I was crashing hard in the Utah airport, smelling of booze and dodging the sunlight like a new born vampire. Somehow I survived my 2 hour lay over and made it to the state of my Fam Bam...and into the waiting arms of The Kid.

I've been here 4 days now and during that time I've slept over The Kids house everynight except for last night. It's funny, I've never spent this much time with him before. Normally I'm only here a few days and I get to see him maybe once. The Kid parties hard and loves to sleep so normally after we spend an evening together, he disappears for a day or so to recover. Not this time. Every time I leave he asks what I will be doing later. He makes plans with me. Its cute. Its funny, after all these years I'm still surprised by how into me he is. I suppose I shouldn't be. We've kept in touch for almost 4 years now.  He obviously feels something for me.

It's to bad that I don't really feel the same way about him anymore. After his visit to LA, my feelings for him definitely changed. He just didn't hold the same magic for me that he had once before. It's not his fault really. My life and friends are far more interesting and entertaining than the average party goer. A girl like me needs something more than sweetness and availability. I need my Cool Rider. I need fire. I need to burn.

My family still loves him to death. We all partied together at my aunts house the other night. Goodtimes joined us along with his sister. We had a blast smoking out and pigging out along side my out of state relatives.  That night we went back to The Kids house and watched movies until we fell asleep. Without having sex. I've slept in his arms two nights in a row now without so much as a kiss good night. Just snuggles and laughs. We actually only got to bump and grind the first night I was here. The Kid was very drunk and doesn't remember having sex at all. I left the next morning without waking him.

He had called later that day.

"Where did you go," he asked sounding confused when I answered.

"My cousin and I were hungry so we headed back to my aunts," I told him.

"Okay," he says. "I woke up naked and alone right now. I was confused."

"I wanted to leave you feeling like a dirty whore," I tell him laughing.

"I really do feel that way," he responds. I could tell he was smiling. "Um, did we? I mean, we had sex right? I mean did I fall asleep during it or..."

I laughed again. This has happened before. The Kid gets drunk and has in the past fallen asleep during our sexual sessions. Like I said,  a Cool Rider he is not.

"I got mine, so I'm good, " I answer.

"Ok, good," he responds sounding relieved. "Atleast I was able to do that much."

I laugh to myself. My orgasm that night had little to do with him. He provided the parts and I was the one to take care of my orgasm. He was just a warm sex toy. He should hardly be taking any credit for my goodtime.

He's on his way over here right now. He wants to take me to lunch. He really has been super sweet to me all week. He's spent every moment by my side almost as if I had came here to see him and not my family. I don't know whats wrong with me. Why can't I feel more? Why am I so numb? Who am I kidding. I know why. The Rocker. All roads lead back to The Rocker...

The Kid just text. He's outside waiting for me. I need to stop comparing and just enjoy my day with him.

There may not be fire with The Kid but atleast when I'm with him, I never have to worry about getting burned.


WCC     

Barf

"I'm calling bullshit!" Hippie Chick yells at me in the car.

I begin to laugh, almost missing our turn. We are driving down Hollywood blvd on our way to Juicy Burger. We loooove Juicy Burger.

"What you mean?" I ask her.

"You just said that you don't want anything serious with a guy right now, right?" she asks.

"Right," I answer.

"But then you followed that with, 'I just want a guy I can hang around, and cuddle with and have sex with occaionally',"she continues.

"Yeah," I answer shaking my head in agreement.

"That's called a boyfriend Carrie," she yells at me. "You want a boyfriend."

"Nooo," I reply immediately. "I'm in no place to have that type of emotional connection with someone. I just want to meet someone who I enjoy spending time with and who I can...oh god your right I'm describing a boyfriend."

I throw my hands up in frustration. I realize how I must sound, but for some reason I still saw a difference between having a boyfriend and what I was looking for. The bottom line was it was going to be a long time before I met anyone who rocked my world the way The Rocker did. There was no way I was going to get into a real relationship. Not now. Maybe not ever. I just want some of the benefits of one. I don't know what to call what I want. The description sounds like a boyfriend and there lies the problem! How can I get what I need without misleading anyone? Without a guy thinking that I want him to be my one and only.

I have a couple of men in my life that I could have sex with who's company I also so happen to enjoy. Huge Asshole would be one of them. But if or when I do sleep with that guy the same thing always happens. He begins to get attached. He falls back in love. Every freaking time! I can't and won't go there with him again. Gross. Sex is one thing, I mean lets face it? In the bedroom the two of us are better than the movies. But having an actual relationship with the guy? Barf. I'd rather pluck my eye out with a spoon.

The other would be The Kid. The dynamics of our relationship are a freaking dream! But he's far far away. I can't wait around to get laid every 3 months. What I need is a local Kid. Someone who's company I enjoy. Someone who I can sleep with on a whim. Someone who is a friend...with benefits...

OMG, that's it! I know it's simple but this is the first I've thought of it. That's what it's called. That's what I want. That's what I need right now.

I don't want to see just one person. I don't want a boyfriend. I enjoy the game to much. I'm good at it. I'm the Queen of seduction. I enjoy the chase. I'm a predator in the dating world and I like to keep my menu full with a variety of meal options. But it would be nice to have something waiting for me at home in the fridge that I could reheat on occasion...

That's why Whore Week bored me. It was because I only got to sleep with the guys once. A one night stand isn't my thing. I like consistency. I want a chance to make sex better. I want to be around someone I'm familiar with. Someone who's company I can enjoy before and after the toss and tumble.


I've been dating a ton of guys these last few weeks. I've met guys out on the town and from the online dating world. They bored me. All of them. Well except for one...

I'm still a little smitten with The New Brit.  I met him while I was out on the town for Glasses birthday. He spent the whole night with me...allowing my crew and I to drag him around from house party to house party. He was an amazing kisser! I could tell he was sensual and would probably be a hoot in bed. The problem is I don't find him all that interesting as a person. He and I would never be "buddies". I wanted someone I could joke with. Someone who would get my sarcasm and could match my wit.

And just like that, the second I thought of what I wanted, an option was handed to me on a silver fucking platter...

"I just got an email from OkCupid telling me that you looked at my profile and that I HAD to message you because we were such a good match...anyway you happen to be cute and seem pretty cool too, sooo," the message read.

I had seen the guy before. Lord knows I'm on that site enough to have every face and profile memorized. From the photo he hadn't looked like anyone that I would be interested in. For one he was breaking two of my online profile picture rules. First, he posted a photo of himself with a girl. Photo paux pas number one. Second he posted a group shot of him and his friends. Luckily for him I didn't see anyone in the picture that was more attractive than him. I decided to respond. I mean atleast he didn't have any shirtless photos posted of himself...

"I've seen your profile a few times but honestly I can't tell if you're my type of not," I answer. "Its hard to tell in your photos so I've just skipped over messaging you...I know. I'm an ass."

"OUCH!" He sends back. "Why don't you read my extensive profile instead of just stalking my photos?"

"Ha, because I used to be married...for 10 years," I tell him. "One thing I learned about that experience is that physical appearance is very important. It just is. Plus I'm not looking for 'model' types. I have my own unique taste in men. Swagger has a lot to do with it too. Sucky part is that one can't tell something like that from an online profile..."

 "Alright then my dear, I guess you'll have to wait for my glorious return to mother-America," he sends back.

It turns out that he was in Japan for the week studying some form of Karate with the locals. We decided to Skype instead. I'm glad we did. I still wasn't sold on Karate guy so it was nice to put an animated face to the profile.

He was cuter than his photos. Or maybe it was just his attitude. The guy was a total kook! So my type. We joked and shit talked. We laughed. That was the best part. I love to laugh. We ended our conversation on a high note and made plans to see each other upon his return.

I sent him a message a few days before his arrival inviting him out with The Plex and I for Halloween. One of our favorite bands, Rhythm Coffin, was performing at the Queen Mary Haunted Harbor horror nights and we wanted to support.

I had never done that before. Invited a semi stranger out with my Plex Family? I'm not sure what motivated me to do it. I guess a part of me wanted to have my own plus one for once. Karate Guy was perfect. He was kooky and easy going. He didn't seem like the type of guy I would have to babysit. He also brought his own brand of crazy with him so I knew he would fit in perfectly with my Hipster crew.

We had a blast! Nails and his new girl joined Homeless boyfriend, Hippie Chick, Mr Boston and I. It was nice to have someone to grab onto through out the mazes and mayhem. I liked him. Not in a, I want this to be something more, kind of way. But possibly in a, can we just get naked and enjoy each other and then laugh and talk shit about our day afterwards, sort of way.

We made out a bit at The Plex when we got home. My roomies had all politely disappeared into their bedrooms to allow us some privacy. He was a decent kisser but I couldn't help but feel like he was holding back. He gave my leg a light squeeze during our make out session but that was about it. When he left he lightly placed his hands on my ass during our kiss goodbye but he applied no pressure. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a guy to try to molest me everytime we makeout but...no wait. That's not right. That's actually exactly what I want. I do want a guy to try to molest me everytime we make out!

Why wouldn't he want to?

Let me be the one to hold you back! Let me be the one to tell you when enough is enough. How else am I supposed to know a guy is interested? I want uncontrollable animal like attraction. I want passion. I like it rough in the bedroom so come on guys, you've got to give a girl a little preview during the kiss and grope sessions. A girl like me can't be talked into sex but if you can prove its going to be good ahead of time I'll definitely consider it.

We don't speak the next week or so. I send an occasional text or two. Nothing personal. I just included him in a few group texts and messaged him to let him know there was a snippet of video posted of our trip to the Queen Mary. In the meanwhile I continued to date. I met a few guys while out and about and graced a few online hotties with my presence. Nothing happened interesting enough for me to want to share. Well with the exception of the hicky I was given last Saturday.

Now that pissed me off! Who the hell gives a grown woman a hicky!? I mean seriously? How old are we? I should have known better then to go out with a white boy straight off the boat from South Carolina. I had met him while waiting for my actual date to arrive at Hemingways Friday night. We made plans to hang out the next day and did a little heavy petting at his studio. We had a decent time and I probably would have liked to have seen him again if it hadn't been for the blood welt he left on my neck. I had a date planned with someone on Sunday. How inconsiderate could South Carolina guy be! Thank god I was able to reschedule. I prefer my men, all of them, to believe they are my one and only. The eye sore on my neck would have blown my cover for sure...but I digress...

I had a coffee date earlier this morning. Physically the guy was totally my type. Super tall lumberjack  with large hands and a deep voice. Unfortunately he was dull. Not in a boring kind of way, just in a, I want to settle down and have kids while we sit by the fire and drink wine, kind of way. Barf.

The conversation was fun, but I left the coffee shop wanting. I decided to give Karate Guy a call and see what he was up to. He lived on a boat in the Marina and a little boat rocking was sounding pretty damn good.


"Whats up lady," he answers.

"I'm bored," I tell him. "Whatcha doin?"

"I'm working on some plans for my new Dojo," he tells me. "I was about to head over there to take another look at it. Do you want to meet me there?'

"Yep, text me the address," I tell him.

We meet at his new studio and he shows me around. I hadn't known that he was opening his own school. I was impressed. I love an ambitious man.

He takes me to lunch next store. As always, it was fun. I spent the entire time breaking him down. His kookiness reminded me of The Creeper. I could see his wheels turning the same way Ol Creepface did. I found him interesting. A rare find indeed. I began to wonder what I wanted out of this guy. I still wasn't sure. Hippie Chick had asked me what I thought of him after our date on Halloween.

"He's cool," I answered. "He's funny and he held his own with everyone. That was nice."

"But your really not that into him are you?" She asks.

"No, not really," I respond.

"Yeah, I didn't think you were. I could tell,"she responded.

I let the conversation drop. I didn't feel like explaining myself. I didn't feel like explaining that even though I didn't see some type of long term relationship developing with Karate Guy and I, it didn't mean that I wanted to stop seeing him.

That's the part I'm tired of. What was the point of cutting off a guy just because I knew he would never be my boyfriend? Why did that mean that I couldn't enjoy his company from time to time?

We finished our lunch and Karate Guy walked me to my car. That's when he did something I hadn't expected. He decided to have a conversation with me about our relationship...and we all know how much I hate having conversations about my relationships. Especially when I'm not in one.

"Wait, are we in a relationship?" I ask him with a not so polite smirk planted firmly on my face.

"Well yes in a way," he answers.

I hate these talks! That's the whole point of not having a boyfriend. So that I don't have to talk about...anything. What happened to just feeling out a situation and going from there? I prepare myself for whatever he's going to say. I'd feel terrible if I started to laugh in the middle of what ever preplanned speech he had been working on.

"I think you are really cool," he starts with.

Oh god.

"...and you're really hot. I mean I find you attractive and all but I'm not really looking for anything serious right now."

Shit, this not laughing thing is going to be harder than I thought.

"And you think I am," I ask him.

"Well no...I don't know. I just want to let you know where I am," he continues. "I'm dating right now, I'm dating other people and ..."

"Do you think I'm not dating other people as well," I ask interrupting him.

"I don't know if you are, I mean you text a lot but that could be that you just like to text," he says.

"I like to text," I tell him.

The funny thing is I texted Karate Guy less than any of the other guys I was dating. It's amazing how easily a guy can talk himself into avoiding a girl because of his imagined misconceptions of her. I guess I really can seem hopelessly devoted to every guy I talk to. Good thing I didn't mention my coffee date to Karate Guy or the date I had set up for later that night during lunch. What can I say, I'm an amazing multi tasker...

"Ok," he continues. "I just got out of a really long relationship and at this point I'm just looking to have fun. I think you're hot and I would totally be down for a sex...I mean I'm not asking for sex, I'm just saying that I would be down for that...I just don't want relationship or..."

"Look," I say before he can continue with his painfully misguided speech. "I just broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago.. I'm not in a place where I want to date anyone seriously right now. But that doesn't mean that I don't date. I do date. Alot."

Now there's the understatement of the year...

"You know what I'm tired of," I say to him. "I'm tired of meeting people and sharing a moment of intimacy with them and then having them disappear. I do want a relationship in a way. I want someone who will be around. A friend who I'm comfortable with and can fool around with but who won't claim any ownership over me."

"So you're saying you would be down to have sex with me," Karate Guy asks.

"Ha, I'm not sure," I answer him. "I still need to do some research. (insert crotch glance here) I'd rather have no sex than bad sex."

"Yeah, the last few times that I had sex, it was bad," he answers me. "I'm pretty sure it was the girls fault..."

I laugh. I'm sure you do Mr Man.

"Well anyways, to answer your question," I continue. "No, I'm not looking for anything serious. I find you interesting and there are few people out there that I find interesting. I get bored easily."

"Yeah, so do I," he responds.

We take a beat, both quiet, just looking at eachother. There was really nothing else to say. I'm surprised. I expected to be annoyed by whatever "conversation" he wanted to have with me, but I wasn't. It was refreshing actually. Even if it was more than a little premature. I appreciated the fact that he came clean with what he was thinking and what he wanted. It made me wonder how many guys out there stopped talking to me because they thought I wanted more. Because they thought I was more invested than I was. Morons.

"Well I got to go," he says.

He moves in and gives me a hug. He pulls away and moves in for a kiss...that he plants firmly on my cheek.

"So we're cheek kissing now," I ask him.

"No," he replies with a grin. "I gave you the option to turn your head and go in for the real thing."

"Oh god," I tell him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him to me. "Stop making everything so damn difficult."

I press him against me and land one on his mouth.

"Nailed it," he says to me when we pull away.

I laugh. He was right. It was a good smooch.

I drove away, my wheels turning. What did I want from Karate Guy? A friendship for sure. He was strange and interesting. Definitely someone I would want to keep around. Plus he fit in with my friends. A rare find indeed. If I ever decided to bring a date to an event, he would be the guy I turned to for sure.

As far as sex? I wasn't sure. I still need to see more. More of what he could do. Was he a slow lover or a rough one? We all know what I like. I choose the rough over fake intimacy anytime.

I'd like to give the guy a chance. He seems like the type of guy I need right now. He doesn't live in my city, he's not apart of my friend group. I enjoy his company and he's not the type of guy I would ever fall for. Sort of perfect actually.

I guess only time will tell. For now, I've got a date to get ready for. I'll think about it tomorrow.

WCC

I was listening to this song while I wrote...enjoy...
http://youtu.be/rTQXWxSrCx8

Porn

I went to the airport to pick up Random British Guy today...

I was excited. I hadn't seen him in well over a month. Honestly I had never expected to see him again. I had thought that our brief late night encounter was the end all to our limited relationship. Luckily for me he was required back in the States for work so I planned on taking full advantage of his presence. And by full advantage I mean using his body for hot sweaty sex.

We drove straight back to my place. I didn’t ask. I knew I didn’t need to. We both knew what was on the agenda long before he had boarded his plane back in England.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t nervous. I had thought that I might be. I mean I had hit the sack with the guy the same night I met him the first time around. He may have been the last of my few conquest during Whore Week but was by far the most fun. Like I’ve said before, I like me a large man. I was hooked the moment he had lifted me up onto my kitchen counter top and pinned me back against the cabinets’. As you know dear reader, I’m a girl who likes to be tossed.

We got back to my place and headed straight to my bedroom. Now I was nervous! No, that’s not the right word. I was excited. Excited to break this awful chain of self induced celibacy. It was time to get my damn jiggy on!

I opened up my bedroom door and let him walk in first so that he could carry in his bags. I stepped in after him and turned around to shut my door. The second the latch clicked on the lock I felt Random British Guys massive 6’4” body push up against my back. He wrapped one arm around my waist and pushed his crotch into my ass. Momma like that.

He grabbed my left wrist and lifted it up above my head and pinned it against the wall. He pushed against me harder until my cheek was pressed up against the door. His mouth was on my neck already nibbling and biting at the tender skin. I felt the goose bumps run through my body. My panties were immediately wet. That’s the thing about being a woman in her thirties. My body is always red-to-go.

He took the hand that was around my waist and reached down to grab the hemline of my dress. With one swift movement he slipped the flimsy garment up and over my head exposing my thin lace thong and bare breast. I had decided to skip the bra this morning. I mean what was the point? I knew I would be naked soon anyways, and lucky for me my breast are just as perky as they were in my early 20’s. I love being brown. It’s true what they say. My people never age.

I turned to face him. He released my arm and grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me as I expertly unbuckled his pants. I was careful with the zipper. I didn’t want to catch his already swollen penis. I allowed his pants to drop down around his ankles. Apparently I hadn’t been the only one to decide to forgo undergarments.

I had forgotten how large he was! Long and thick, just the way I like them. There are few penis’s out there that I truly admire. I mean lets be real ladies, they are ugly horrible looking things. But every now and then I see one that truly impresses me. Random British guy had one that definitely did it for me. I’m secretly glad that he wasn’t my boyfriend. I couldn’t imagine having to place the girth of his massive dick into my mouth. I would choke for sure.

But as a rule, head is reserved for my one and only so I instead wrapped my hand around the monster and gave it a squeeze. I took my other hand and licked the tips before I placed them under is balls and gave them a tickle.

That did the trick. Random British Guy moaned and pushed me back up against the door. Thank god we were alone at The Plex. We had just got started and we already sounded like we were undergoing an exorcism.

He reached down and roughly jammed his hand into my panties and pushed his fingers into me. They slipped in easily, I was beyond excited now.

He grabbed the crotch of my panties and with one quick jerk ripped them in half. There would be no waiting. This was happening now.

He bent down and grabbed the base of my ass with both hands and expertly opened my legs and lifted me up against the wall at the same time. I wrapped my legs around his torso and covered his mouth with mine.

He entered me easy as pie. Did I mention how much I love a thick penis? I’m usually only able to get one or the other. Either long, or just thick. To have both? Well lets just say the moment he entered me and filled me up with his manhood I felt the orgasm creep up on me. This boy was definitely going to wreck me.

I squeezed my thighs tighter around his torso and used my dancer muscles to lift my body up off the wall and above his dick to give myself control over the thrusting. He loosened his grip on my ass and allowed me work his body. I felt the orgasm intensify. This was going to be a big one. I dug my nails into the back of his shoulders as the spasm began to rock my body. I released his mouth and threw my head back and yelled out. He buried his face into my neck. I could feel the smile on his face. From what I’ve been told, watching me have an orgasm is a rockin good time. I’m very vocal and tend to squeeze… everything.

The spasms finally begin to subside. He tilts his head up and whispers in my ear, “What do you want me to do to you now?”

“Bend me over,” I reply.

He gently sets me down and I get down on all fours onto my carpet.

Man I love my carpet! I purchased it months ago with Dimples at Cosco for a killer deal. It was a huge brown and cream shag carpet with to die for softness. I’ve had plenty of people sleep on it and tell me how amazingly lush and comfortable it is. Partyboy has slept on the thing a hundred times and I’ve had more then a few sexual experiences on it.

Random British Guy gets down on his knees behind me and pushes my legs open wider with his knee. As he enters me again I turn my head and tell him, “Grab my hair.”

I hear him chuckle as he grabs a handful of my hair and gives my head a tug.

“Harder,” I tell him.

He responds by pulling my head back more forcefully and thrusting into me with more power then would normally be necessary for someone as small as myself.

“Whatever you say Fun Size,” he says back to me.

He had called me, “Fun Size” the first time we met. I had made a joke about how short I was next to him after he had lifted me up onto my kitchen counter.

He responded by saying, “You’re not short, you’re fun sized.”

The name had stuck. I loved it! But not as much as I loved what he was doing to me at that moment. It had been ages since I’d had sex let alone GOOD sex and I was enjoying every moment of this.

I could tell he was getting close, but I wasn’t done playing with him just yet. I stood up on my knees and leaned my body backwards so that my back was pressed up against his stomach careful to keep his penis from slipping out of me. He grabbed my breast with one hand for support and continued to thrust into me. I turned my head so that I could kiss him and whisper in his ear.

“Lay down,” I told him.

He rolled over onto his back and I climbed up on top of him. I immediately realized that he was to large for me to properly ride him so I decided to turn around. I had learned this trick while dating Huge Asshole. With really tall guys, unless they are abnormally skinny, its difficult to ride them facing forward. Atleast for me. My knees usually barely touch the floor making it difficult for me to move. So I turned around and sat down on him backwards. I took my legs and slipped them between his legs and underneath his thighs placing my toes under his ass for leverage.

This position gives me total control over the speed and force of my thrust. The guy also gets an amazing view of my very ample ass as it slams down against his stomach.

I begin to hop up and down slamming my ass harder and harder against him. Random British guy reaches down and grabs my hips so that he can help with my aim. I throw my head back so that my hair is falling down my back, the tips grazing my back side. Men are visual creatures so I pay careful attention to everything I do. Every noise, every position and look I give is totally and utterly intentional.

Random British Guy grabs my waist tighter and lifts me up off of him and lays me on my back. He turns to face me, grabbing my legs and lifting them up and over his shoulders. I take my ankles and lock them behind his neck. I may be 33 but I’m still limber as hell. He enters me again and moves towards what I know is his finish line. He places his hand around my throat. I turn my head so that I can place his fingers into my mouth.

He’s had enough.

"Cum for my baby,” I tell him, giving him my best do me face.

He does as I ask. The boy is a screamer. Gotta love that.

He falls to the floor next me in a sweaty heap. We both lay there for a moment waiting for our breathing to return back to normal. I finally sit up and look in the mirror at myself. My cheeks are flushed and my hair is plastered to my face in a knotted sweaty mess. My makeup is smeared across my face and I can see red welts on my arms and thighs.

"I look like a crack whore," I say to no one in particular.

"You look bloody fantastic," Random British Guy answers back.

I look over at him. He is equally as sweaty and flushed as I am. He has rolled over onto his stomach giving me a clear view of the damage I caused. He has several long deep red scratches running down his back. He looks like he just woke up from a Freddy Krueger nightmare more than a little worse for wear. I decide not to alert him of what I had done. Better I let him figure out where the spots of blood came from on his shirt later when he's alone and can replay the evenings adventures on his own.

I reach into my dresser drawer and grab a black fitted tank top and a pair of booty shorts. I find that most men love for a women to look just as sexy after they finish the deed as they do before. Never slip on a pair of sweats after sex ladies! All you're doing is killing your chances for a second round.  I for one don't even own a pair of sweats. Gross.

"Well done Fun Size," Random British Guy tells me as I lay back next to him on my soft shaggy carpet.

"Right back at you," I tell him, allowing his muscular arms to pull me into his chest.

...

This almost sounds real doesn't it? Well its not.

If you haven't figured it out yet dear reader, I'm lying. This didn't happen. None of it.

Well thats not necessarily true. I've obviously pulled from real experiences to write this but I have not seen Random British Guy since he left around a month ago. We've stayed in contact. Mostly through random tweets and a few emails. The other day the two of us did get a little freaky via Skype. I had my first experience with Skype Sex. Never done that before. It was fun. Random British Guy is a talker so my experience was most definitely a positive one.

This morning we were communicating through Facebook talking about how horny we were. We were joking about having to resort to masturbating to satisfy our cravings. I told him to make sure to think of me the next time he 'took care' of himself.

His response to me was, "You're a writer. Send me a dirty story of what you'd do to me, what you want done to you, and the climax."

I laughed but then thought, "What the hell. Why not?"

I had never written anything like that before! In the sexual blogs of the past I've given away very little. I prefer to let you the reader use your own imagination. That way it protects my privacy and gives you the ability to make up what you want.

This was something new.  A work of semi pure fiction. I've always thought of myself as more of a journalist. I document my life in a way that's interesting for others to read but very seldom make anything up. I don't have to. My life kind of rocks, especially when shit goes wrong.

I guess I have a new skill. I can write porn.

I hope you enjoyed the read, my pervy readers you. My intentions were not to trick you. Just to help you to, along with Random British Guy, get off a little. What could be the harm in that?

I'm going to forward this onto my guy now.
I hope he likes it.


WCC

The Hot Lebowski

I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.

I've been going out on dates. Lots and lots of dates...and I hate it. I know I'm looking for something, I just not sure what.  I'm not looking for love.  How in the hell would I do that? I'm not looking for a boyfriend either. Just typing the word "boyfriend" is making me start to hyperventilate. I tried the casual sex thing, but I wasn't into it. It bored me. So what is it? What do I want?
...

I went out with a new guy last week.

We met for drinks and hit it off right away. We talked for a few hours and then did a little making out in my car after that. We made plans to watch the Big Lebowski later on that week together. I had never seen it so he decided to remedy the problem.

He was hot. Shorter and a little smaller than I prefer my men but hot enough to make up for his lack of height and girth. He was foreign, Swiss I believe. He only had a small hint of an accent so I wasn't bothered by it. Foreigners usually aren't my thing. Not that I have anything against them, I just have zero experience with dating the guys so it makes them harder for me to read.  I hate not being able to read the men I'm with! It takes the power away from me and we all know how much I like to be the one in control.

I was having a hard time reading The Hot Lebowski. He liked to stare into my eyes. I'm not sure why. I can usually tell what a man is thinking when they do something like that but not with this guy. He would stare into my eyes and I would stare right back, reading absolutely nothing. No passion, no questions, nothing.

"I like that," he said to me the first time he did it.

"You like what," I asked.

"You look right back at me," he replies. "Most Americans look away. Not you though. You stare back."

That's because I'm a cocky bitch.

"I don't see a reason to look away," I tell him instead.

"That's good, really good," he says back.

I had a good time at his place. I sat at the kitchen table watching him make me dinner. I couldn't stop grinning.  I analyzed the shit out of him as he chopped the carrots and boiled the noodles for our pasta.

He really was cute! Very manly in a small man kind of way. I wondered if I could see myself with him. I immediately knew the answer was no. He wouldn't make sense with my friends and my family wouldn't understand him. And I knew myself well enough to realize I would regret his shortness.  I need my men to be atleast 6' ...6'2" is preferred.

The Ex was a short man.  A few inches shorter than The Hot Lebowski. I didn't mind when I first met him, love is blind and all that bullshit, but after a few years I just wanted to wear heels again! So now its turned into an uncontrollable fetish. I've been feasting on tall men ever since like a fat girl who finally decides to give up on her diet and binge. The proof is in the pudding:

The Rocker - 6'
The Creeper - 6'1"
Huge Asshole - 6'2"
Partyboy - 6'3"
Random British Guy - 6'4"
The Kid - 5'8"...but that's ok. That boy is hot.

We ate the pasta, watched our movie and ended the night in his bedroom as expected. No, I didn't sleep with him! Whore week was a few weeks ago not now. I'm over that. We did do some pretty heavy petting though. I tried to keep it as PG as possible but the boy pushed. I told him repeatedly that I wasn't going to sleep with him. I believed him when he said he understood so as the night got later my rejections were fewer. He finally reached my stopping point. Being the tease I am I let him strip me down to nothing. There we were laying naked together on the bed, and I still had the nerve to say no.

I'm such an asshole.

"Ok, well we should get dressed then," he says to me.

"Alright," I tell him shifting to grab my clothes.

"Oh no you don't," he replies, pulling me to him again.

I guess he was trying to call what he thought was my bluff. Apparently he hasn't heard about my super human will power. I live to much in my head to allow any situation get carried away by my body. I'm in charge, not my hormones. 

"You can sleep here," he says to me.

"No, I need to head home." I tell him.

I didn't realize it at the time but his question was what finally got me to get dressed and leave. I didn't want to sleep there because I wasn't comfortable enough to do that with him. And if I wasn't comfortable to sleep there, I definitely wasn't comfortable enough to bone the dude.

Speaking of Dude, I wonder what that guy is up to? I kind of miss him. There are very few men out there who can call me out on my shit, but he always did. We challenged eachother and didn't let the other person pretend or pull away without a fight. He was fun. I would have had no problem spending the night with that guy. The only reason I didn't the night we hooked up was because I was to afraid of becoming his rebound girl. But I would have slept like a baby in his arms.

What I did know about THL was that he was mainly looking for sex. Not in a creepy way. An old girlfriend of his was on OkCupid and was enjoying casual sex with the local hotties on the site. She had encouraged him to do the same. From what I picked up he was just looking to meet some girls and have some fun. Go on some dates, meet new people, have some sex, whatever.

I wasn't sure where that left me? I wasn't sure what I wanted from him. I knew I didn't want a relationship. I didn't feel like hopping in the sack with him. I enjoyed his company and the making out was fun. Was that all I wanted him to be to me? A cute guy to smooch occasionally? Or was I waiting until I knew him well enough to figure all this out? I didn't know, so I left.

"Drive safe! Enjoyed tonight, thank you," he text me a few minutes after I drove away.

"I hope so," I send back. "I'm feeling a little guilty. Just know it wasn't easy for me to say no. It was just the right thing to do...but I honestly had a really good time too. Thank you for dinner. You're amazing."

"I'm glad we didn't take it all the way, really," he says. "It was sweet the way it was, don't feel guilty please. It's good to have values. No more texting and driving now, be safe."

I laugh out loud in my car. I actually think I snorted a little. I didn't feel guilty because I had values! I felt guilty for leading him on. I had told myself that I wouldn't be such a tease anymore. I should have stopped him long before our clothes came off. I knew I wasn't going to sleep with him before I even showed up. I shouldn't have made him think he had a chance.

I wish I could blame morality on it. It used to be that simple. I used to not sleep with guys because I had "values". Unfortunately that's not something I can claim anymore. One thing that Whore Week taught me was that I didn't mind having sex. Its not a big deal to me. It feels good and by golly I'm good at it!

I'm not saying that I'm done with having sex without love. I'm just done with one night stands. What I didn't tell you dear reader was that a few days after I had hooked up with Dude, I also slept with Random British Guy. He was the real reason I decided to call an end to Whore Week. I wasn't into either sexual scenarios.

It had took weeks of getting to know you chit chat bullshit and a few dates for me to he ok with sleeping with Dude. In the end we slept together once and then we were done. I put so much work into getting to know that guy in order to feel comfortable enough to sleep with him. Why in the hell would I want to to do that with anyone else again just to sleep with a guy once? What a waste of time and energy!

The one night stand I had with Random British Guy didn't feel much better. I had a good time with him that night. It was a bummer that the one night was all we had. I mean first time sexual encounters with a guy who barely knows me can never be good. It would have been nice to have had atleast one more go at it so that we could have ended it on a high note. And by a high note I mean a decent orgasm for me.

I decide not to respond to The Hot Lebowski. Let him think it was values that stopped me. Whatever. It's nice to know that atleast one guy out there thinks I'm still a prude.

Bottom line is I didn't want to have a one night stand with him. I'm not into that. I love sex! I love lots of sex. Why would I want to do it with him only once? My theory when it comes to sex is if the guy is able, I'm willing.

I guess that's part of what I want. If or when I decide to have sex with someone I don't want it to be just once. I want a guy that will be around. I'm not looking for a movie date or someone to take me to dinner. Just a guy who will exchange dirty photos with me every now and then and be available once every week or two to help me relieve some tension and get me off. Is that really so much to ask?

I have that with The Kid. The two of us have been in our "relationship" for almost 3 years now. It's perfect. When I'm in town we have a great time together. When I'm not we text occasionally, a phone call every now and then and that's it. We care for each other but hold no ownership on the other. Its good times, good sex and an occasional, "Hope you're having a nice day babe,". Perfect.

I don't want a boyfriend. I want to be single right now. No, that's not it. It's not that I want to be single, I just am because I won't settle for anything less than a Cool Rider. The Rocker knocked me off my feet when I met him. Instantly. I haven't felt that way about anyone since. I can wait, I will wait, for that to happen again. But until that does, I want to play.

I spoke very little with The Hot Lebowski following our date. I figured it was because I had hurt his pride a little. He was a really hot guy. He probably wasn't used to rejection. I could tell he had some skills in the bedroom. Over time I could see the two of us getting really good at sex together. I just wasn't interested in putting in the effort if one time was the only opportunity we had to get it right. I didn't want to take the chance of doing it once and then it being bad. I'd rather have no sex than bad sex. Just ask Partyboy. That's one lesson he had to learn the hard way...pun intended...

I went on a few dates with a couple of other guys after that. Nothing happened worth mentioning. I was getting tired. Tired of dating. The whole process was starting to feel like a job and the last thing I needed was another fucking job.

I was ready to just give up on it. On dating. I even went so far as to cancel my online dating accounts. It felt good. Lord knows I already had enough guys in the funnel to keep me blogging for weeks. I was just tired of looking. Especially when I didn't know what I was looking for.

Then something happened. Something I didn't expect. I actually went out with a guy and had a good date. Hell, not good, great.

I didn't fool around with the guy. We didn't even kiss. We hung out and talked and laughed our ass's off together. I read him a few blogs and he shared some old acting reels he had laying around of himself. We took silly pictures with his roommates light saber and discussed the world of dating. I told him I had took myself off of Cupid.

"Why would you do that," he asked.

"I'm just burnt out on it is all," I told him. "Plus I think its making me treat the guys on there like they aren't real people. I do enough disassociation with my blog. I need to stop the madness somewhere."

"I think it's a great place to meet people," he tells me. "I won't be on there for weeks sometimes. I just let it sit and go back to it whenever I feel like it.  I don't see anything wrong with just keeping it up."

I smiled. I liked this guy.

He was tall, 6' I believe. He had long slightly curly hair that fell just below his ears. It suited him. He was good looking, but not in a traditional way. His face was interesting. I wish I could have stared without coming across as rude so that I could have dissected it properly. He had a good smile. I like that. My favorite part about him was the way he spoke. He had a deep smooth voice. I don't know how he managed it but he seemed to always speak in the same pitch. He took his time when he spoke and I had the distinct impression that very little ever bothered this guy. His whole demeanor was incredibly soothing.

I knew he was right. Part of the problem was that I was always on OkCupid. I was getting frustrated because I was looking. All the time. I never look. I've always been the girl who just let things be. What the hell was I doing? Why was I looking for some magical have all perfect man?

The whole point of this blog was to date, many guys, and learn a little from each of them. Enjoy a little piece of each man until I had gathered enough of them to form what I hoped would be the perfect man.

Maybe what I'm looking for right now can't be found in just one person. Maybe for now, I do need to date more than one to get what I needed.

The Hot Lebowski is sexy as all hell. Why not just enjoy that part of him? If he's willing he would make a great friend with benefits guy.

And then there's this new guy. Not sure what I want to call him yet. I'm not even sure if I'll see him again. I hope I do. I love kicking it in his space. I could see myself hanging around his loft doing nothing but cracking jokes and listening to him give me advise about life with his soothing smooth as honey voice.

Random British Guy hit me up earlier tonight. Even from England he's managed to continue talking shit to me. I love it. We've been tweeting the most hilarious shit to eachother for days. This was my favorite:


RBG: "Is LA missing its most unreliable Brit?"

Me: "For every tourist who leaves there is always another to take his place."

RBG: "Ouch."

Me: "Kidding. I've shed a tear for every day that you've been gone. The city lights dimmed at your departure."

RBG: " Your poeticism is marred only by its severely sarcastic undertones."

Ha! Love that guy.

In a way I love them all. So that's it. That's what I'm going to do. I'm back to building the perfect man. All I have to do is figure out what I want, and take inventory of what I have. Then let the dating world take care of the rest.

Before West Coast Carrie came to be, I had originally called my book, "The Weird Science Project."

It's time to go back to my roots and finish what I started.

I guess West Coast Carrie is back.
This is gonna be fun...


WCC

Machine Gun Kisses

You know I'm loaded when you see me spit a shot of Hennessy into Douchebags mouth at a downtown rooftop pool party. It's official Dear Reader, I'm single again...

I had a blast with Dude the other night. He was much better looking person than in his photos. I walked into Loaded and saw him standing at the bar ordering the two of us drinks. He was shorter then I usually prefer my men but still stood a healthy 5'10".  He had thick black hair, dark eyes and more than enough facial hair to set me swooning. The ear plugs and tatted arms didn't hurt either. I could see the look of surprise on his face when I walked up. Apparently my photos don't do me justice. We hung at the bar for a few hours and then in my car for a few more after that.

There was some making out and some limited groping. I made the boy behave. One thing I was certain of. I was comfortable with the guy. Not sure why. I mean I expected to be annoyed by his, "I just want to hook up," attitude but I wasn't. Probably because he actually wasn't that guy. Not in person. In person he was honest and genuine, and most definitely into me. Three characteristics I love in a man. He drove away wanting and I drove a way wondering...could I do this? And by this, I meant him.

I knew what he was looking for...sort of the same thing I was. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to date. And believe it or not I actually wanted to get over the whole, "no sex without love", business. It's doing me no good. Thanks to The Lonely I now know I need love.  I'm just not ready for it yet. I'm still in love with The Rocker. I'm painfully aware of that fact. I may have let go of the relationship but the feelings still linger. I need to flush my system of him and learn to just love me again. Like before...before The Rocker ever came into my life. So until then, I want to play.


Labor Day rolled around and I knew I wanted to go out. I wanted to meet people, I wanted to forget the last few months and get back to having a blasty blast. I got off work at 3pm and rushed home to The Plex expecting everyone to be half dressed and waiting. Most of the Hipster crew had already headed downtown to The Standard for the The Do Over event by the pool side, hours before. Instead I found three very tired, and very hung over roommates. We had stayed up partying until 6am the night before so they were all a little worse for wear.  No one was going anywhere. I was forced to settle for napping on Mr. Bostons bed while he practiced his bass.

I was so disappointed! It was hot as hell and a pool party sounded awesome. I finally dragged myself from Mr Bostons bed and headed into my room to get ready.  I knew I didn't want to head to The Standard alone, but I definitely wanted to go somewhere. I was sitting in my room very slowing fixing my hair when my salvation finally arrived via text.

"Are you at work?" My girl Henny text me.

"No," I tell her. "I've been trying to whore myself out for a burger the last hour but it's not working. Do you want to go get some Umami burgers with me?"

I hadn't ate a thing all day so had posted on Facebook about an hour before, "I will totally Do the first person to bring me Umami burger...right now."

I loved my first response from Mr Boston, "If I bring you a frozen burger from our freezer, can I win?"

"Get dressed. I want to go to The Standard. I'll be at your doorstep in 5 minutes," Henny text back.

5 minutes! I knew she meant it. She only lived 5 minutes from The Plex and it was already 5:30pm. The Do Over ended at 7pm. We had to get there, now.

I finished up my hair and applied my makeup as quickly as I could. Thank god I wear very little because I had just took off my work dress when I heard Henny in the living room talking to Hippie Chick and Homeless boyfriend. I grabbed the first thing I saw...a pair of multi colored Missoni shorts and an over sized black off the shoulder shirt. I clipped a long strip of colored feathers into my hair and ran out, red-to-go.

We made it to The Standard by 6pm. They had already cut off the line, but Henny works with The Do Over crew so we got in lickity split.  I love The Standard! There's nothing better than the feeling of being on a grassy rooftop over looking the city I love. It's so surreal. There's something so lovely about swimming in a pool with tall buildings surrounding you.

We beeline it for the bar and take the first of our many shots for the evening. I'm with Henny, so its Hennessy all around. I look over to the dance floor and see a few members of the Cochella Tribe along with Douchebag and one of my favorite members of The Party Guys, Beefie. He and I had met at the Pauly Shore party months ago and instantly clicked. He's a huge scary looking biker dude with tattoos and an oversized teddy bear disposition. That is unless you pissed him off...in that case the teddy bear could be scary as all hell...

Not with me though, I ran over to the dance floor and jumped up onto a box to give my Beefie a kiss.

"Whats up baby!" he says, pulling me into his bear-like embrace.

I turn around and give the tribesman a quick squeeze, and dish out a hug to Douchebag as well. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around. Its Puppy.

I hadn't seen Puppy since Ego Dog had reared his ugly head and dogged me a few weeks before. We had texted a bit during that time. I had to. I knew I needed to get it all out of my system before I saw him again. I let him have it and he took it. He figured it was the least he could do after the way he had treated me. In the end I decided to be the bigger person and squash the whole thing. We would never be friends but I could atleast tolerate the dick when he was around. Afterall, I'm still a nice fucking person.

I gave him a quick hug and then went back over to Henny. This was her crowd so I wanted to spend my time with her.  We had a blast! The drinks kept coming and we kept taking them. Neither one of us had ate all day, so by the 4th shot I was trashed. As you know, I'm not a drinker. I was definitely Goodtime Carrie that night...

During one of my shot taking escapades Douchebag walks over and asks for half of my shot. I had just poured the drink into my mouth so I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed Douches face and covered his mouth with mine. I pushed the liquid through his lips and pulled away. He swallowed the searing liquid and began to laugh.

"What was that?" He asks me.

"Hennessy," I reply.

"Wow," he says. "That's the first time I've ever taken a shot like that."

"Happy to be the one to divirginize ya  Douche."

We both laugh and continue our festivities.

Crazy Jew runs over to me and gives me a hug.

"That's crazy I was just talking about you!" She yells excited.

She's looking super hot in just a bikini and a sheer cover up. Her and my crew had rented a room at The Standard and had been partying there since the day before. I don't think any of them had slept yet. A couple of guys immediately engage her in conversation next to us. I love having hot friends.

As I get happier, I begin to think about the rest of my night. The Do Over would be over by 8pm at the latest. I decide to shoot Dude a text to see if I could set up my own after party.

"I'm at The Standard pool party downtown drinking...with no food in my stomach...on two hours sleep...this is so not going to end well lol....wish you were closer boo," I send.

"Well if you weren't drunk and could drive I'd say come over and hang in the spa/pool with me," he sends back.

That's all the invite I needed.

"Give me an hour," I say to him.

He responds by texting me his address.

We spent the next hour partying with our friends and tearing up the dance floor. The DJ begins to slow the music down to alert the party goers that its nearing time to go.

"You still up," I text to Dude.

"Yes ma'am...get your cute butt over here," he replies.

"Working on it, headed out in a few," I say back.

I took my time. I knew the boy would wait. Henny and I hit a few parties in the suites below first. We're buzzed and the hotel was our playground. We caused a few scenes and left our mark. Sorry dear reader...can't share everything. Lets just say we had fun. We finally head back and make a quick stop at Umami's. I finally got my burger!

We go back to The Plex, and to my car. I'm feeling better after my burger. It's time to meet up with Dude.

By this time it was after 11pm. Booty call hours for sure. There wouldn't be much for us to do...but eachother...

"Can I do this", I wondered. 

I mean I know I've been saying I wanted to try the whole casual sex thing, but could I actually do it?  I guess I was going to find out. I was already in my car and driving. This was it.

I get down to his place in twenty minutes and shoot him a text telling him I'm out front.  He walks out in a pair of basket ball shorts and nothing else. The man has an amazing body! Muscular and tone without looking beefy. I'm starting to think I can do this.

"Hey, how are you," he asks, giving me a quick kiss and a hug.

It's funny, my first impression of Dude was of a douchey hit it and quit it kind of guy. But when I met him? The total opposite. He was sweet and considerate and surprisingly genuine. As far as casual sex goes, I felt I was choosing the right partner.

We go into the house and up to his bedroom. The lights are off except for his very large television against the wall. I take off my shoes and lay down on the bed. I didn't feel drunk anymore. Just really tired. Dude lays down on the bed next to me. After a tiny bit of small talk he pulls me in for a kiss.

Now I'm awake! I'm surprisingly calm. I thought I would be nervous or start to second guess myself or something but I'm not. There's some kissing and groping...and a little dirty talk from me. I'm not going to share what I said but like I've said before, I'm a girl who knows what she's doing. At one point I look up into Dude's eyes and see something I hadn't expected...he was nervous! I could actually see him trembling. There's something more than excitement going on here. Interesting.

"Lay down," I tell him.

He immediately obeys. At this point we are both naked and red-to-go. When I lay on top of him the strangest thing happens. We begin to talk. There we were, virtual strangers, laying naked in bed together having a perfectly respectable conversation. He's fondling my breast and I'm fondling his..well, you know. Both of us just as comfortable as can be. Dude comments on it.

"I'm so comfortable with you, its weird," he says to me. "You're actually the first person I've been with since my girlfriend. I didn't think it would be like this. Like, I actually want to know you. I want to keep seeing you and learn more. You are definitely a refreshing surprise."

Bingo! The pieces start to fall together. He wasn't a hit it and quit it guy. He was a heartbroken, slightly lost, I want to be this guy but don't know how to because I've been in a relationship for the last 4 years, guy. I just smile at him.

He had told me before that he had just broken up with his girl. My guess would be maybe about a month before. They had been together since she was 19. Very young for a girl. I should know, that's how old I was when I got with The Ex. He said that she was really sweet and loving but she was also like a back pack. I could get that. I remember being 19. Finding love was everything. It felt like it was the only way I could feel complete. Once I found it I put all my time and energy into it...and completely lost who I was or who I should be in the process. I guess Dude saw that happening with his girl and wanted out.  Atleast for a bit.

So here he was trying to be casual sex guy. His brother had been on Cupid for a while and was having a ton of success finding girls to bang and leave. Apparently Dude I hadn't fared as well. He went on a few dates with girls but said that he got very little back for the time and money he was putting in. The guy just wanted to hook up. He didn't want to wine and dine. His heart was still in his past relationship and up to this point these girls had paled in comparison to what he had before.

He didn't say any of this. It's just what I saw. Now he had met me, and didn't know what to make of it. I'm the kind of girl that makes a guy care. Something he wasn't capable of right now, but he still recognized the potential of the situation.

Dude finally tires of talking and throws me back on the bed. This was it, it was happening.

I was ok. Better than ok actually.  I mean I thought that I would feel some sort of moral back lash from my sub conscious during the act, but I didn't. I was aware that there was a level of intimacy missing from the situation but that was about it. I felt ok, in control, sexy. I push him off of me and climb on top of him. I didn't stay up there for long. I could tell the boy couldn't hang.

"Wow, you're good at this," he says to me. "I'm used to being the one who does all the work but this? Wow..."

"Guess you need to stop fucking little girls," I say back to him.

 I'm such an asshole.

He laughs and then immediately begins to groan. I hold back. I want to make sure he feels like the man after this experience. No use in pulling out all my tricks the first time around. He lasted much longer than I thought he would. Impressive. I could see the potential. The two of us could get really good at this.

I'm surprised by how calm I am afterwards. I did it. I had casual sex with a semi stranger...and I was ok with it. Perhaps it was Dude. On some very real level I trusted him. He was a good guy. He was going through something, much like I was. I was happy we had found eachother.

We get dressed and lay next to eachother on the bed. He begins rubbing my back. Sweet. I close my eyes and begin to drift to sleep.

"You can sleep here," Dude says to me. "I mean, I would like you to stay. We can just pass out and then in the morning I can strip you down again."

"No, no I need to get going," I answer back with a smile.

I don't want to spend the night. It would blur the lines. I didn't want to start to care or allow him to turn me into his rebound. If I stayed, that's exactly what would happen. I could see us both slipping into those roles easy as pie...and then one day regretting it. Neither one of us should have been dating. Better I leave and keep things simple.

"Just 5 more minutes and I'll head out," I say to him.

I close my eyes and lay my head down again. Dude leans over and does something that confirms my decision. He gives me a very tender kiss on my cheek.

It was sweet, and intimate, and my cue to go. He didn't realize it but he was slipping back into relationship guy. It had nothing to do with me. Ok, that's not totally true. He liked me. But he was still in love with 'her'. As much as he was enjoying my company and getting to know me, we didn't know eachother well enough yet to have moments like these.

I get dressed and he walks me out. We embrace outside my car and he kisses me again. Before he shuts my door he says to me, "Call me when you get home baby?"

Uh oh. Now he's calling me baby? Yep, rebound. Time to go.

I nod my head and shut my door. I drive home, my mind totally blank. I shoot Dude a text when I get home.

"Just got home. Night boo," I send.

"Night beautiful. Glad you're home safe," he says back.

I lay down on my bed in the dark and stare up at the ceiling. I feel ok. I'm still me. I had a good day. I got to spend time with my girl Henny and end the day in the arms of a hot guy. What was even better was I didn't feel an urge to see him again. I was good. We met, we connected, we enjoyed eachother, now I felt done.

The next morning Dude sends me a text first thing.

"Goodmorning! I really enjoyed being with you last night. I want to do you again asap...," he sends.

Ha. I'm sure you do.

I respond by sending him a photo of me in a very thin see through white tank top and a pair of my Hanky Panky lace underwear.

"Good morning to you too," I text.

"Tease!" he replies...and then sends a pic of himself as well.

The photo is of him standing in front of a mirror shirtless with his tatted arm reaching into his pants to grab his manhood. Funny. I'm not really a picture kind of girl. I mean I'll send out pictures of myself until my face turns blue but receiving pics doesn't really do it for me. Men keep sending them to me nonetheless. I still think I have pictures of Partyboys penis on my phone somewhere... I can't see Dude's penis in the picture but just barely.  Don't get me wrong. I can appreciate the hotness of the pic, its just not my thing. 

So I did what I think anyone would do in a situation like this...I forward the picture to all my friends...well just my two dirtiest. Pop a Squat and The Crazy Jew.

"Look what I 'did' last night," I send.

"OMG, please say he has a brother," Pop a Squat immediately text back.

"Yes!!" Crazy Jew responds, "I had a good night too! Banged a hottie myself. He's hilarious, I love doing hilarious people."

Oh don't we all.

"Are we in a battle?" I text back to Dude.

"Only if you want to lose," he says.

"Oh, I would win, " I reply.  I have a whole artillery of photos on my phone. Photo shopped and ready to go. "But I think you have enough pics of me. For now..."

"For now :)," he sends back.

I smile and roll back over on my bed. His text weren't giving me the effect he probably wanted. It was amusing but I was done with this. Done with him. I needed to be done. I knew that if we continued seeing each other I would start to care. Even though I shouldn't.

Dude wasn't the type of guy I wanted to be stuck with. I mean he was sweet and ambitious. But there was a youth and innocence to him that didn't fit in with who I am. I could tell he had lived a good life. Loving parents and brother. A circle of friends he had known for years.  A healthy upbringing. Me on the other hand? I had been through enough pain and suffering to have a slightly different take on life. I needed someone who hid the same darkness I did behind his eyes. I needed someone who got it. Got me and had the same type of depth and understanding about how I viewed the world.

I avoid texting Dude for a few days. That's when I finally get the message I think a part of me knew would be coming.

"Hey Carrie," Dude texts. "I think you are an amazing person and I've had a really good time getting to know you. But I just wanted to let you know I'm in a relationship now and can't continue to talk to you, out of respect for my girlfriend. I wish you the best."

Without thinking I immediately text back, "Got it. Thanks for texting boo."

He had told me once that he liked it when I called him boo. I wanted him to know that we were ok. I kept it short to be respectful but still made sure he knew I understood.

I felt upset. Not hurt but upset. At first I couldn't figure out why. I mean I knew this was coming.  I knew that he would probably end up back with his ex. I saw an end for us very early on. Hell, we never intended on having a beginning. I didn't feel used. I actually didn't feel used at all.  What we did was honest and real. So what was it?

That's when it hit me. I was jealous. I wasn't jealous because she had him. I was jealous because they had each other. I was jealous because they weren't alone. They cared for eachother. I didn't want him. I wanted what they had. I wanted what I've had in the past.

I thought I could do this. Be single again, burn through a bunch of guys, sleep freely with who I wanted. But that isn't me. This isn't me anymore.

I'm not the girl who machine gunned guys at my blog the way I did back in January. Nor am I the girl who is content and happy with just being alone. 

I know who I am. I was going backwards with this Dude business. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad it happened. It was nice to know that it wasn't morality that kept me from sleeping with guys. It was disinterest. I didn't need sex to make me feel better. I didn't need to date to make myself feel whole.

What I desired was intimacy. Out of everything that Dude and I did only a few moment stand out. That kiss he gave me on my cheek and when he called me 'baby'. Both were sweet. Both said he cared.  Both were the types of moments that I craved.

I don't want to waste my time with silly dating anymore. I want to find a friend. Someone I care about. Someone who cares about me. Someone who makes me smile.

I pull out my phone and I text the other two guys I was talking to, The Nerd and Random British Guy. I text them that I wasn't interested in dating anymore.

I had met Random British Guy at Partyboys job the night before. We had fun together that night but he was moving back to London later that week. No point in wasting anymore time with him. The Nerd was from OkCupid. Just another guy I was talking to but hadn't connected with yet. He had made little efforts to really ask me out so I knew it was time to cut him off.

I'm back on my search. Back to trying to find my Cool Rider. I had told myself that I would wait as long as it took. That I wouldn't settle, yet that's what I've been doing. It was time to give The Lonely what it wanted. But this time around I wouldn't make the same mistake I did with The Rocker. This time, I would find someone who wanted me back.

Thank you Dude. You helped me find the last piece of the puzzle. You helped me find me again. I hope things work out between you and your girl. My useless superpower says they won't. Honestly I doubt it'll last a month. All breakups do is create insecurity and jealousy, but who knows? You two may beat the odds. I hope you do. Sometimes it really sucks being alone.

As for me? Its time for me to take my own advice and wait for the arrow. Wait for the gasp. Wait for my Cool Rider.

Sorry dear reader, WCC isn't back. I am. But don't you worry, she's not the only one who has something to say.

xoxo,
Carrie

"Dude"

August 22nd, 10:52 pm

Dude:  "Hey! Dude from Cupid. You always give your number out without telling someone your name first ;)?"


Me:  "Do you always text a girl for the first time during booty call hours? Some people have normal   jobs you know."


Dude:  "Lol! I just got in bed. Booty call hours are much later than this."


Me:  "Guess you would know. I'm a prude."


Dude:  "Well good thing I just want to take you to dinner and not booty call ya...Night _______?"


Me:  "Sorry. Carrie."


Dude:  "Night Carrie."



August 23rd, 4:11pm

Me:  "Ok, its a reasonable time now...how you doing?"


Dude:  "Haha! Really? It wasn't that late Big Baby. I'm good. Busy trying to finish this kitchen remodel. What do you think so far?"


Insert photo


Me:  "Lovely...I'm just poking fun. I was actually up till 4am."


Dude:  "Serious? Why?"


Me:  "I'm a writer. I was working on a project. I kept losing my stupid Internet connection and couldn't finish. I'm kind of pissed about it lol."


Dude:  "Yeah, that sucks when shits out of your hands like that. You want to get a drink or dinner this week?"


Me:  "Probably. Why don't we try a phone conversation fist. After all you should make sure that I'm not a man."


Dude:  "Haha! A phone interview first? You could sound like a girl but still have a penis...Call you later sometime. Still at work."


7:09 PM

Me:  "Ugh my phone sucks at stealing photos. Send me one? I need one for my caller ID, so don't make it weird."


Dude:  "Huh? Have you met a lot of people on here that aren't who they say they are or what?"


Me:  "Only one, but that's not why I'm asking. I really just want a caller ID pic."


Dude:  "Ok weirdo."

Me:  "Really?! A shirtless pic?"


Dude:  "What? It's like the only pic I have on my phone of myself that you can really see my face in.  Beggars can't be choosers."


Me:  "Fine. I'll crop it."


Dude:  "Sorry, I've never had anyone ask me for a photo for their caller ID before...that I've never even met before. I have friends that I've had for years and years that don't have pictures on their caller ID's"


Me:  "That just means you're old."

Dude:  "Lol! Guess so. Wait, aren't you my age?"

Me:  "I meant in the inside."


Dude:  "Ha! You obviously don't know me at all."


Me:  "Nope. That's why it's best for me to pass judgements on you now while it's still funny. It's all about the timing man. So how old are you again?"


Dude:  "29...going on 45 in maturation but 16 in the mind."


Me:  "So I'm older in every way...I'm 33 but I hang out with twenty year olds so that I can appear younger."


Dude:  "Good thinking. Most of my friends are married and boring as sin so I hang with my brother and his twenty year old friends alot."


Me:  "I lost my married friends in the divorce lol...My friends range from 20-34 and there are a shitload of them...check out our website www.________.com"


Dude:  "Wow. I don't even know what to say to that? To say you are interesting would be an understatement."


Me:  "You have no idea."



10:18 PM

Dude:  "Honest question. You really a prude?"


Me:  "You're going to need to make that question a little more specific."


Dude:  "I just don't want to waste your time or mine. I just got out of a 4 year relationship. So mostly just looking for fun.  I don't lie and I don't bullshit. So pretty much if you don't hook up at 33 then we will just be equating each others time."


Me:  "I'm not looking for a boyfriend, or a husband. I was married for 11 years."


Dude:  "Sweet. Just making sure we are on the same page. Wow, you got married way to young."


Me:  "Yeah...Interesting. I guess that would be the only two choices represented on these sights. Sex or long term relationships?...I take that back. There is a third choice. There are people who are just plain lonely and are looking for someone...anyone...that they can talk to."


Dude:  "Yeah, that sounds about right."


Me:  "Well, to answer what I think your question is, I don't go into anything with pre-set rules. I'm totally open and let things be. I'm not looking for anything. I'm not lonely and have a painfully social and active life. So why don't we just see if I can stand to be around you before you have me make a decision about the future or our relationship?"


Dude:  "Lmao!! Not trying to make you make any decisions. I'm just looking for friends with benefits. And if you're a "prude", like you said last night...there is no point in wasting my time."


Me:  "Not sure if you're a friend yet. That part is much more difficult to find than the benefits. I run with a pretty amazing group of people. It's to soon for me to know if I will find you amusing enough. So lets not get ahead of ourselves just yet. First things first. Phone call. Maybe we will breakup after that. After all, you could sound like a whiny ass chick."


Dude:  "What? Haha!!!!! Call ya tomorrow sometime."


August 24th, 7:36pm


Me:  "Long day?"


Dude:  "Very. What you been up to."


Me:  "At Disneyland...drinking a Glowhito"


Dude:  "I have no idea what you just said."


Me:  "Its a Mojito with a glow cube that you freeze and put in your drink."

Dude:  "Sounds like a waste of money."


Me:  "Ok, glass half empty, guy."


Dude:  "Just screwing with you. In truth I would be pretty stoked to have a drink in my hand right now, with some shiny cubes, and you sitting on my lap..."


Me:  "Not really a lap sitter. Mr Boston calls me a Alpha Female..."

Dude:  "So you want to bend me over is what you're saying?"


Me:  "You into that?"


Dude:  "Lol!! Not so much...I like throwing girls around. Something very sexy about being able to just man handle a girl."


Me:  "Nothing wrong with that."


Dude:  "To bad your so far away right now."


Me:  "Who said I felt like getting tossed?"

Dude:  "I just assumed...trying to be,glass half full, guy."



August 31st, 5:29pm

Dude:  "You should come over to my place tonight."


Me:  "That doesn't sound creepy at all."


Dude:  "Haha!! Sorry, the Italian side of me is very straight forward. I have no filter."


Me:  "Me either...it sounds like your Italian side is a creepster."


Dude:  "Not so much a creepster...as hornball :)"


Me:  "I'm not going to your house for a first time meet and greet dude."


Dude:  "Don't understand why. So where do you want to meet? Have you met some real creepers on here or what?"


God he has no idea....


Me:  "Only the kind that say that they are horny and want me to drive to their house in the middle of the night...actually now that I think about it, you're only the second one to ever ask me that."


Dude:  "Sorry, I'm really not a creeper. Truth is that I recently just got out of a 4 year relationship. So I'm really not looking for anything other than a friend with benefits. No chance I could take anyone serious. Don't want to waste yours or my time. I'm a good guy who owns a surf shop...not some creeper. If you're down to hook up that's great..if not, no worries."


Me:  "Guess you decided to skip right over the friends part huh? Like I said, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I just want to have fun. My last relationship lasted over a decade. I'm good on that. But I think you are a bit more one sided than I'm choosing to be at the moment. Thanks for the offer, but I already have outlets with guys who are actually my friends. Thanks for you honesty though, I'm just not into the quick hook up. That bores me. Good luck Dude xoxo."


Dude:  "I have plenty of friends. Not on here for friends. And I'm tired of going out and having to spend money on dinners and dates just so a girl feels comfortable enough to fuck you. No worries though...good luck to you too."


Me:  "Lol, I just need fodder for the fans baby. But I've told your story before. There can only be one Creeper."


Dude:  "You really need to stop that judging thing. It's very unattractive. You have no idea what my story is."


Me:  "Not judging at all. Swear. I really do appreciate your honesty. I wasn't being sarcastic. I'm not looking to be wined and dined. That was you judging me. All I wanted was the opportunity to actually like you. Not much to ask. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings doodey."


Dude:  "Not saying you are. It's just that recently I've been on a few random dates with girls on here and they all just want to be wined and dined and then get married. Even after I tell them that I'm just looking for fun...they still tell me that I have to work for it. I'm just not that interested in putting in work at this time in my life. I have to do that all day already...And you didn't hurt my feelings at all...Well if you're still down to meet up somewhere, we can. I have to admit that I do like your personality and witty little banter..."


Me:  "If you can leave your horny Italian side at home and can accept that I have no idea if I want to have sex with you (a total stranger). Honestly I'm sort of thinking you're an enormous ass at the moment."


Dude:  "LOL! Think I could leave him at home and just get to know ya first."


Me:  "Good. Because I'm someone worth knowing. Swear."


Dude:  "You free tonight?"


Me:  "I get off at 10pm. Meet me at Loaded Rocker Bar on Hollywood? Divey atmosphere with cheap drinks and good people...."


Dude:  "Sounds like my  kind of place. I'll see you at 10:30 then."



September 1st, 2:55 AM

Dude: "Had a good time tonight. You were delightfully refreshing. I hope I wasn't to forward with you?"


Me:  "Not at all. I'm just excited I got to have a listening party in my car with a fellow Red Hot Chili Peppers fan. Makes the album sound that much better...I'm home now btw."


Dude:  "Glad you're home safe. Enjoyed the chili pepper show in the car. Definitely buying the album...on vinyl or not. That bar was the shit too. I can't believe I've never been there before."


Me:  "Yeah, it's a fav of mine. Check you out...partied till 3am. Maybe you're not an old man after all."


Dude:  "Lol, is that your nickname for me? That would be so funny because before the start up it couldn't be more opposite."


Me:  "Old man? No, its 'Dude'."


Dude:  "Lol! Why dude?? Don't think I've ever said that word...but you say it a bunch."


Me:  "I'm from Redondo Beach. That's what we say. And hey be glad, the other guy I was talking to I named, 'Salad Dressing,' lol".


Dude:  "Salad Dressing?? I'm afraid to ask. And just so you know you just lost points because I HATE when people think surfers talk like that. Don't think I've ever said dude ever. And all copies of that movie with Mathew Mcconaughey should be burnt."


Me:  "Unfortunately, 'The Rocker', was already taken...I grew up on the sand man, I know the difference."


Dude:  "...and I don't know a single surfer that uses that word. I know a lot of ignorant college kids and stoners who say it though."


Me:  "Hey! I say dude all the time. It's one of my favorite vocabulary words. I think I'm going to change your name to Mr. Sensitive."


Dude:  "Haha!! In text it's hard to read tone. Not sensitive at all. More sincere. Just always been a pet peeve of mine. And I guess Dude is better than Creeper."


Me:  "The funny thing is, I don't mean it the way you're taking it. It's a term me and my girl Daria used to use when we thought someone was a "man".  As in, "He's a total DUDE". No goofy surfer stereo type accent. You're a fucking Dude man. I likey."


Dude:  "In that case I appreciate the compliment...and btw, I really liked your dress."


Me:  "So do I...although it smells more like you now,  the two timing whore."


Dude:  "Don't take it out on her...wasn't her fault. I was rubbing on her alot.  Kinda all over her...she was just so soft..."


Me:  "Yeah, you didn't play it cool at all."


Dude:  "The definition of playing it cool means I would be being fake and putting up a front. Sorry, not my style."


Me:  "Good answer. I have no stomach for bullshit."


Dude:  "Night gorgeous. It really was a pleasure 'meeting you'."



WCC