Screw the Flowers. Send me a Creeper.

I expected some random Valentines day text messages but nothing prepared me for this.

I had spent the entire weekend moving out of my old apartment and into The Plex. No partying for me. I was all  business. I rented a Uhaul Saturday morning and with the enlisted  help of Homeless Boyfriend, my dad and my fourth new roommate, Mr. Boston, we knocked out my place in 14 excruciating hours. We had planned on attending a Zombie Ball Saturday night,  but once 10:30pm rolled around, we had actually become  Zombie's. I owe them both dinner. I plan on making something next week once the horror of the move has faded a bit.

I finished up my last load on Sunday night at around 12:30 am. That's when I received the first of my Valentine's text messages from my sweet Highlander.

"Goodnight boo, hope you're feeling better," he sent me randomly. We had exchanged a few texts  over the weekend, but he knew I was in moving hell so he had kept his contact to a minimum.

"Thanks...the cough is better..Still moving...night!" I respond.

"Well glad to hear it hasn't affected your health. Btw, Happy Vday!" he tells me.

Wow. Valentine's hadn't even crossed my mind. I mean I knew it was coming but it had been of no real concern to me. I've never really been the type of girl who needs to celebrate greeting card holidays. I don't care much for flowers and have no need for a fancy dinner. Valentines never much mattered to me when I was in a relationship so now that I'm single the day hardly exist in my world. It's sweet that The Highlander of me though. I guess I have a Valentine after all.

"Ha...now there's something I didn't think about...happy Valentines Day," I reply back.

"Well leave it to me to plant subliminal ideas in your head disguised as topical pleasantries," he reponds.

Huh? This guy is funny.

"Did you really just say, topical pleasantries?" I text.

"YES! Add it to my tab. I'm certain it will be an ever growing list of phrases and word combos that you've never heard!"

Oh I've heard them. I just don't know anyone who would use them. I'm not sure how to respond. I honestly just want to text back the word, "Nerd". I decide to send something less offensive.

"I'm sure it will."

Simple I know, but it was all I trusted myself to say. 

I was pooped so I headed off to bed. The next day at work I received a few more text. The first that morning was from 10 Points.

"Happy Valentine's day," he texts. I can't help but think that I was one of many who he had sent this simple impersonal message to. 

"And Happy Valentine's day to you," I respond.

Now here's a guy I didn't really care to hear from. I had asked him to send me a photo the other day for his caller ID picture on my phone. The real reason I asked him for one was because I wanted to get a better view of his face. I mean  Daria and I had already established that he had a rockin body. But I still wasn't sure if his 6'4 height was enough to compensate for his possible hideousness. It wasn't. His  height may have given his face an extra 10 points but his face started in the negatives so it definitely wasn't enough.

What's worse is I think the guy is kind of a Douche. When I asked him for a photo, he sent me a model shot within seconds.  I made a joke about how quickly he had came up with a pic to text me. His response was, "Well I model on the side sweetie. I have to have them  on my phone ready to go."

Don't know what that means. All I know is that I hate to be called sweetie. Then when I asked him if he wanted to come down and help me move, you know, so that he could put his muscles to work, he responded by laughing at me.  On the flip side I was receiving messages from The Highlander all weekend apologizing for not being able to assist me due to his injury. I'm so over Mr. 10 Points. I need to blow him off but I haven't decided how to do it yet. Hippie Chick came up with an idea.

"You should just tell him that your a lesbian," she told me.

I laughed at the time but now I find myself considering it.  Maybe I'll tell him I've decided to  get back with my ex girlfriend or something.  It might be pretty funny.  I'll let you know my final decision later dear reader...

A few minutes later I received a text from my bestie, Glasses. So sweet.

"Happy Valentine's boo boo!"

I laugh. I had told him once that in order to not screw up guys names I would just call them boo. He has taken to calling me that on occasion. I love my friend.


"Same to you Bestie!" I send back.

But its the third text that blows my mind.  Totally unexpected. I had to look down at my phone twice to make sure I was reading it right. I received a text from, drum roll please...The Creeper.

He texts, "3 weeks later after no contact Creeper texts me out of nowhere and of course on Valentines day. And in true Creeper fashion he texts none other than, "Hey, wanna be romantic and trade Bj's in my garage? You first."

"Lmao! You rock!" I reply.

"And then you answer withhhhh, 'Lmao!  You rock......I'll get drunk and see you around midnight?' Creeper returns with. 'Cool, I'll clean up a little.' " 

"Make sure  to light some incense," I add.

"Wait...for romance or for the smell? Need to understand what your context was?" he says.

"Sorry. I wrote that the last time I went to your place that not only was it super clean but I swore I smelled something scented," I tell him. "Missed you Creeper."

I meant it. I had missed his character. I missed his strangeness and our ridiculous banter.  He was my random text at night. My puzzle box. I had heard a song the other day that had reminded me of him and it had made me a little sad. I regretted telling him about my blog. I wish I would have kept it going so that he could continue to make occasional cameo's in my crazy life.

"Ok. So real deal, " he continues. "Come over for some emotional hugging followed by me giving you an 'alright' orgasm all built up to me beating off, convincing you to get slightly more interested in the activity at hand and then me cummin on you this time.  Sorry sacrifices  have to be made. What do you think?"

I know I should be disgusted or at the very least, insulted by his text. The funny thing is,  I'm not. I think it's hilarious.  He's quoting lines from my blog almost verbatum. To funny man. The last we spoke I had sent him the WCC blog spot link. He had read, "The Creeper," and had completely flipped out on me. He had  text me all night nonstop trash talking about my blog. He had called me trite and said that in every line I was patting myself on my back. (I had almost text him back, "You get me man...you get me," but in the end, I decided against it.)  That I had made myself the hero of the story at his expense. He said that I was simply giving a clever lecture instead of allowing for both sides to give input about the relationship. That I should post his side of the story and then see what my readers would think.

He was right. Well partially. I actually write myself not as the hero, but as the SUPER hero of my stories. No one wants to hear your side of the story Creeper. If that's what you want to do then write your own blog. I write about what you show me. In real life there are no confessionals. Women seldom know the reasons behind why a man is being a dick. All they see is the dick.  I write about what you DO, not what you think. We are defined by our actions. Not the vision we have of ourselves in our heads.

"Ah. Sweet Creeper. Don't ever change. You will forever be my pervy boo," I send him.

"See you at midnight/1am," he says.

Like that's ever going to happen. I may have missed his occasional pervy text but there is no part of me that wants to see this fool again. Plus I'm pretty sure that if I showed up he would be waiting for me with a baseball bat.  I think it's safe to say he is not a fan of WCC.

"lol...Lord knows what you would have waiting for me, " I text him.

"Just some crymaxing. It's cool," he sends.

Ew.

"I'm afraid to ask what that means, " I  send.

"Tears for lube, " he replies.

"Annnnnndd that would be why.."  I respond. "Sorry. No more visits to Creeperland for me...I do wish I could have known you on the other-side of the rainbow though."

It's true. I wonder who this guy is outside the perv. Since the first time I met him I wanted to see him in his own environment.  He was so strange one on one. I mean who is this guy outside of his stoner garageland? Guess I'll never know.

"Ha ha. I don't give the real me out to anyone," he says. 

Interesting.  I think this guy has been seriously damaged. I'm not sure what exactly happened with his ex but man was he hurt. He has completely separated himself from well, himself.  He has turned dating and women into a game. (I can respect that)  He told me once that he had intentionally turned himself into what every women hated most.  He talks about BJ's and never takes them out. Since I've met him  all he does is get stoned in his garage while shooting out disgustingness to the female population of Match-dom. 

That could explain my constant confusion with him in the past. I could sense the pain. He would occasionally show his sensitivity. Then he  would completely throw me off with his doucheness.  He has built up his walls and shows women what he wants them to see in an attempt to not show them who he unfortunately is. A sensitive insecure man who was wrecked and who still remains angry at the bitch who wronged him.

"Ha. Same here. I thought there was something about you I liked," I tell him.

I think that's the part I miss most about The Creeper. The fact  that we were both playing each other. And neither one of us cared. We didn't try to hide the fact that we were playing a role. We just engaged in our faux relationship and kept it going to avoid the boredom of being the real us.

"So you'll be here in 10-15 orrrrrr?" he sends.

Or what?  I choose to ignore you, pop some popcorn and write all this shit down? Yes, yes I will.

I end the texting here. There is no where for this to go. I love the Cameo but I honestly can't keep up the banter. Plus I definitely have no plans of ever seeing the guy again.  For one, there's no way I couldn't stomach allowing him to touch me again. Second, I realize that it's not Creeper 'the man' I miss. It's Creeper 'the character'.  I love the people  I write about. Not because of who they are but because of who I make them. I kept Creeper  around because to me he was a colorful pervy character. But in reality he is just a pervy asshole jerk who I really shouldn't be talking to . 

I posted this last exchange in loving memory of you Creeper. I think going forward I'm going to have to leave you dead. Once again, RIP Creeper.

I got  off work at around 6:30pm. Traffic was a bitch. I had a few friends  text me inviting me out but by the time I had braved through the 1 hour traffic of the 10 fwy I was toast.

When I got home the whole crew was there. It felt  so good to not have to walk into an empty home. The lights were on and the place was warm. Hippie Chick comes out of her room and asks me how work was.

"Long,"  I respond.

She then asks if I want to go to the grocery store so  that we can pick up some dinner. Man I'm loving this roommate thing already.

We  pick up a huge slab of salmon and some wine. Once back at The Plex,  I put on some music and we cooked our boys a feast. Baked teriyaki Salmon with tomatoes, brown nutty rice, mash potatoes, green beans and 2 healthy bottles of Red wine.

I rummaged  through my boxes and found 4 colorful cubed candles that we place on a long dish for our table. We dimmed the lights and  ate our first family dinner  together. It was so nice! It was just me, Hippie Chick, Mr. Boston and Homeless Boyfriend. Perfect. Valentine's with my new Hipster Roomies. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

We sat in our little breakfast nook eating for about 2 hours just shooting the shit. I had myself two glasses of wine so you know I was loaded. I decide to send The Highlander a text.                    .

"How was your Vday?" I send.

"Not very eventful. How about you?"

"Had our first "family" dinner here at The Plex.  Nice, still chit chatting over wine. I've had two glasses. Which means I'm loaded," I tell him.

"Yes I recall your alcohol equivalence. Too bad I'm not there to take advantage of You!" he responds.

What?! Did The Highlander just come onto me?  I didn't think he had it in him. All I know is that I'm a bit drunk and I like it.

"I'm not far," I text back.

"Ha ha," he replies.

He's  right to laugh. I'm totally stuffed and buzzed and tired and really comfy in my new home with my new Plex family. I'm in for the night.

"Yeah, I'm full of it," I admit.  "But I could torture you with my junk tv as we lay on my bed and eat popcorn."

"Yes, I know you're full of it!" he tells me.

Hey! I can say that not you mr.

"Don't challenge me...that's it! I'm back in..." I tell him.

"I was gonna actually invite you over today in homage to Vday. But sadly never heard from  you and now your to drunk.  Oh well..." he says.

Now who's full of it.

"Yeah right," I respond.

"I'm being serious!"

"If you wanted to invite me you should have just called," I tell him.


 Now I'm a bit sad. I believe him. I would have loved to finally meet the elusive Highlander.

"Well I just wanted to see what the universe had in store for today...guess you were meant to spend time with family. You usually bug me at some point during the day and it just didn't happen this time."

"Hey! It was my first day back to work after a long weekend. I was slammed. Then an hour in traffic. I didn't get home until 7:30pm. But its sweet you thought of me," I text him.

"Yup! It's just as well because I was feeling melancholy today and wouldn't have been good company," he says in what I can only assume is an attempt to make me feel bad for him.

"Oh no worries there. I would have snapped you out of that in a jiffy," The wine texts back. I mean I text back.

"I see your two glasses over your maximum," he replies.

"I know. I'm officially useless...except for cuddle time. I could totally do that really well right now."

"Yes I realize that but sadly we are apart," he tells me.

This is fun. This is the first time The Highlander and I have really ever flirted. I know I should stop. I mean I'm supposed to be keeping this one on the friend tip. Damn wine. You're such a flirty creature.

"If only there were a way for you to get here without getting into a wreck?  Hmm..." he continues. "If only there were a way."

"I'm not that drunk," I respond.


I actually am but whatever.  He doesn't know that.

"Ha ha...I'm happy that you had a great Vday," he tells me.

"It was nice...but the prospect of invading your bat cave would have rocked too," I say.

"Ha. Don't worry. Soon," he responds.

I hope so. I've obviously totally thrown the friend thing out the window. When I meet you sweet Highlander, it's gonna be game on.

I turn back to my roomies.  We are now gathered around Homeless boyfriends computer watching random YouTube music video's. We talk for another hour or so about what we should name the bowling league we want to start and when we should have our housewarming. Soon 2 am rolls around so we all say our good nights and head to our beds.

This truly was a great Valentine's day. I spent it with my loved ones.  My true LA Fam Bam.

Today was a day worth remembering.

Happy Valentine's Roomies!  And to you Dear Reader. I hope you spent it with someone you love.

I know I did.

 

WCC

Highlander - There can only be one.

I think The Highlander and I are fighting.These guys are funny. I don't know how I manage it but I always seem to find the most sensitive of the male race. 

I've been texting back and forth with The Highlander for a few weeks now. He doesn't want to meet. Not just yet. Not until he is further along in his rehabilitation. You see The Highlander was in a motorcycle accident about 5 months ago. A man drove into him sending his bike flying 100 feet down the road. As for The Highlander? 50 feet. He told me that you could see the impression of his knee in his gas tank.

He suffered some serious road rash, a concussion and when he looked down at his leg he found it facing the opposite direction. Horrible.  I don't know all the details. From what I've been able to glean from him he had 5 surgeries in one week. There were skin graphs and metal plates involved. He was in a wheel chair for a long time. He's finally on crutches and close to walking with out them.  I guess someone took the "there can only be one" line a little to seriously.

The Highlander was already a super shy guy to start with but now any previous insecurities have been tripled. He lost so much. His job, his home, his independence.  He doesn't want to see me until he knows he can walk up to me on his own two feet. Sweet. And unnecessary. I wouldn't care. He is kind and handsome and I want to know him.

I almost pulled back when I heard his story. I was afraid of hurting him. I'm not looking for a relationship and I don't want to sensationalise his life or hardships. But then I took another look at his picture and all my rationalities went out the window. I mean have you seen Christoper Lambert?  The man gives me goosebumps. The Highlander is his younger spitting image. I have to meet him.

I pulled back a bit in our interactions. I told him let's take the dating option off the table and just be friends. Honestly I'm not even sure if Highlander and I will even click. From what I can gather he is very well educated.. He is a sweet considerate yet hot nerd.  He is the only person I have ever met that text's me using complete sentences. He uses words like 'intriguing' when I try to flirt with him. The larger his words the more I dumb down my response's. He knows I'm doing it in an attempt to loosen him up. He tries to joke back. It's cute.

He likes to ask me a lot of questions. He has asked about my writing. I told him that I am working on a book which is a partial truth. I read him "Birthday Countdown." He loved it. In return he recited  a poem to me that he had wrote in college. I was surprised and impressed. I plan on having him email it to me so that I can post it. It is lovely.

I soften myself when I speak to him. I genuinely want him to move out of his depression and back into the light. I think it's working. I'm one of the chosen few he actually bothers talking to. He said something really sweet to me the other day while we were texting.

Highlander: "I'm sure we will be in eachother's life for some time. Especially if our interaction continues at this pace. So there should be alot of opportunity to gauge our commonalities."

Let me translate the geek talk. He is telling me that he is already attached to me and that we were moving really fast. So we have plenty of time to better understand all the many ways we were similar.

I didn't know how to take this statement. I was at dinner with the hipster crew waiting for the Foo Fighters show to start when I first read it. He and I are from two completely different worlds. To him we were progressing nicely in our relationship. For me? Well I was tired of waiting around for him to man up and see me. I'd hardly call a few phone calls and texts a growing relationship.  Or so I thought.

I don't know how it happened but our texting took an odd turn tonight that ended with my feelings getting hurt.

"Feeling better?" he text me at first.

"Actually yes. It's not gone but better." I respond. 

"Glad to hear it? U should really take better care of yourself. Sounds like uv been 'burning the candle at both ends' for awhile. & eventually that catches up w U."

God this guy is sweet. He has been checking in on me for the last three days to see how I've been feeling. Mean while I've been running around town to strip joints and Foo Fighter concerts.

"I always burn hot. I have a hard time allowing myself to relax." I text back.

"Well being older & WISER than you, just saying you should learn to handle that better; and slow things down a bit." Ok dad.

"Well if I had someone mellow I could hang out with maybe I could learn to relax." I respond. I do this every conversation we have. We've made a game of me asking to meet and The Highlander dodging my requests.

"Haha, I really don't think your all that impressionable! Even if what you were saying was true. Plus that would require a significant investment of your time; a commodity you have in short supply." (I'm not making this up. He really talks like this. This is his text verbatim.)

I'm slightly insulted by this statement. I am the multi tasking queen. He has no idea that not only can I make time for him but I could make time for atleast two other guys comfortably. And everyone of them would get my undivided attention. Hopelessly devoted remember?

I text back, "I prioritize. I make time for what I want to do."

"Maybe if you sized back some of your existing commitments and time constraints, that person would materialize in your life....you can talk about prioritizing all you want but the fact remains that there are only so many hours in a day."

Ok, now he is starting to piss me off.  He's treating me like I'm some insane party girl who never sleeps and pushes away her chances of meeting anyone because of it. I mean what the hell? He doesn't read my blog.  How in the hell does he know that?

"Your not looking deep enough. There are reasons why I keep so busy. It keeps 'the lonely' away." I reply instead. He is starting to make me feel shallow and I don't like it so I decide to get real with him.

"I've actually considered that! But I seriously don't think you could feel lonely even if you cut back 20% of your current activities. Firstly, you don't strike me as someone who's not comfortable with herself or is desperate for company. Secondly, in order to bring something or someone prominent into your life, you need to create a vacuum to attract it."

Now I am insulted. I hate when I am being truly honest with someone and they call bullshit.  And whats worse he's trying to tell me that I won't be able to attract a man. Me? Please.

But you know what I think bothers me the most about this text? The fact that he is the man that I am currently talking to. I take his statement as a personal dig. I think for one he is partially jealous of my busy lifestyle. He has been stuck in his bed for months only leaving for rehab or surgeries. And second he sounds worried that I won't have anytime for him or the type of relationship he is looking for. Both possibilities irritate me.

"I'm actually trying to be ok with not looking. This is the first time in 15 years that I've been allowed to just be me. I'm trying to learn to be ok with that. I mean I was married for over a decade. I miss waking up and knowing my place in the world.  I'm trying to figure out who I am outside of a relationship. " Now I'm being brutality honest with the guy and I'm not loving it. I'd rather keep things light. I mean I haven't even met him yet, but what he's saying is bothering the hell out of me.

"I wasn't kidding when I said let's skip the dating thing, " I continue, " I love meeting new people. Finding out who they are. I want to know you. That's all."

"I wasn't suggesting that you weren't serious and think you should dedicate time for yourself! I just don't want you to burn out and risk your health in the interim." he responds with a smiley face. "I don't believe that I said you should be dating anyone at this point in time, even if that person were to be me."

This statement calms me a bit. I mean why am I getting so worked up over this?

"Just writing my thoughts down. You suggested that I wouldn't be able to find someone unless I created time and space for them. I was just saying I'm ok with that...and then I took a jab at the fact that I wanted to know you but your too much of a isolated hermit to hang lol...get out of the vacuum man!" I respond hoping to lighten the mood.

"From what I've seen and heard so far, you have ALOT of people that you put into a 'bestys' category; correct me if I'm wrong. And I just want to be distinguish between the few close friends you have and everyone else. And I wouldn't want to feel that I'm just one of your minions, whether as a friend or more. Finding someone was to suggest that you would just have to be pigeon holed into a intimate relationship! I was speaking generally about anyone that would be close, important and impactful in your life." He ends this with a smiley face with its tongue sticking out.

I know I should be enjoying the fact that he wants to be special to me. That he doesn't want to just be one of the crowd. I should appreciate his minions line. That was funny. But I can't seem to get past the first sentence.

"I have 5 people who I consider my 'Besty's'. My dad always told me that if you could count your friends on one hand you should consider yourself lucky. I know people, but only 5 know me."

Its damn true! Daria, Henny, Hippie Chick, Pop a Squat and Dimples....and Glasses is getting there.

He responds, "FYI I'm NOT isolating myself! If I were, we would never have met. I'm just easing myself back into socializing because it doesnt' come naturally to me and I've been through a very traumatic experience not less than 5 months ago."

Now I feel bad. I mean what is wrong with me? I don't know why I'm taking everything so personally.  I mean the guy has a point. I HAVE been burning from both ends and I've made more friends in the last month than I did most of last year. He's trying to be a concerned friend and I'm acting like he's a jealous boyfriend. I calm down and turn back on the sweet.

"I know. I want to help. Trust me. I'm good at this." The whole point of continuing to talk to The Highlander was to help get him over his accident and out of his shell. I need to focus.

"And don't I know it!" he tells me. "If I didn't believe you were trying to help, I wouldn't be investing so much time trying to get to know you! Which by the way, is more than anyone else I've met on Match."

Ok. Things are back to normal again. Just then I walk by a mirror and get a good look on my dye job from earlier today. "Omg!" I text him. "I just looked in the mirror...my hair lady made me so freaking blond! I'm glowing lol..."

"Well guess that's gonna go a long way to proving to those that might be so inclined to think of you as an angel." he texts. Ahhhhh. Nerd compliments. I love it.

"Lol. It's my role. To help others. To entertain. To give. To show. I figured that out a long time ago. That's why I was pushing to meet before. You need to loosen up man. Let's just hang in your empty apartment and watch Family Guy on your bed while you complain about your achy leg."

I'm dying at this point to go over there. I want to meet him. I want to see him. I want to look into his eyes and figure out who this guy is.

"I don't really feel like that's your 'role'. Any healthy relationship is mutually beneficial and balanced. And I definitely don't want to talk about my leg anymore! Have to live with that 24/7 and not much of a complainer; because I just rather not attract anymore negativity into my life. And just because I haven't met with you yet doesn't mean that all your efforts have gone unnoticed or unappreciated!"

Most guys would have made some pervy comment about my "lets watch tv in your bed" line. But not my Highlander. My sweet nerd.

"Than let's say it's been my role. But if I can make you feel better I'd be getting something out of it don't you worry Mr Man. It would make me infinitely happy to see you relax a bit." Now I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. We are having ourselves a pretty serious talk considering that we are both still strangers to one another. Without eye contact I feel like I'm talking to a ghost.

"Ha ha. Yeah yeah., " he responds. "There's only so much you or anyone can do! Most of my problems and concerns are circumstantial and it'll take along time to get over. But thanks."

I'm getting frustrated again. I don't know where all of this is going. I mean it doesn't seem like we're going to meet anytime soon. I'm beginning to tire of all the texting. I mean what if we finally meet a month down the line and he doesn't look anything like his photo? Or even if he does the chemistry isn't there? I mean maybe he is weird or has a twitch or something? All of these deep conversations would feel like such a waste if we meet and end up not speaking afterwards.  I decide to tell him my concerns.

"Just looking to give you some sort of a reprieve...and honestly texting with a stranger makes me nervous. I texted and spoke with a guy from Match for two weeks before. We talked about our families and other deep things. Then the day after we finally hung out we never spoke again. I don't like all the chit chat with a profile pic. Just a 2 second meet and greet so I can look you in the eye." I'm hoping this statement will create some sort of eta on when we can meet.

"Well you should know that I'm not the typical guy by now! But I understand your concerns and will try to accommodate them in some manner that will be acceptable to both of us. And enough with all the texts already! lol I wastn' expecting this to be such a lengthy conversation."

First of all I love the texting. Easier to copy your words to my blog page my dear. And second, what does he mean by accommodating me in a way that's acceptable to both of us? I mean does this guy have some alternate form of meet and greet in mind? Is he trying to make video chatting the second phase of our dating relationship or what?

"My reception sucks at home. I could just come over and shoot the shit with you in person if you want." I know he won't agree to this but I thought it would be cute to ask again.

"Here we go again! lol You know there is no rush to get everything said and done between us RIGHT NOW. Think your the one who needs to relax."

That's the line that did it.  I hate to be told to relax. I mean seriously dude? Not only has it been two weeks already but your not even giving me a date as to when you'll be ready to join the real world again. I enjoyed the texting at first but it's getting harder and harder for me to think of him as a real person. He is just a voice. A text in my phone. I'm running out of things to say. I need to categorize him first. Is he going to be a friend or lover?  I can't answer that unless I meet him. I need to see if there is a spark.

I don't respond. My feelings are hurt. I feel like I've been scolded and I'm not enjoying the conversation anymore.  I know I'm over reacting but I can't help it. I'm frustrated. I'm a doer. When I decide I want something or someone I make it happen. Some call it impulsive. I like to think of it as being decisive.

I never text back. He sent his last text about an hour ago.

Now that I've written down the conversation I realize it really wasn't all that bad. He was just asking me to slow down so that I could rest.

I should have more patience with him. He is injured and recovering and has put aside a decent amount of time for me. So he doesn't want to meet. So what? What is my rush? Do I think I'm going to like this guy? No, I don't think so. Then what's my deal?

Who's running this show?

It must be The Loneliness. I need to fight that bitch back. She has a nasty habit of forcing me into a relationship. Whether I'm ready to or not. And I am not.

Then there is Carrie, my alter ego. I definitely need to restrain that nut. She is a little devil and is dying to jump this guys bones. She loves to hear a nerd moan.

I think I'll text him back tomorrow and let him know I was hurt. He'll love my sensitivity. For now I'll leave him with my silence. Maybe that will put some fire under his ass.

Hope to see you soon Highlander.  Your not The One, but I think you can be my right now. If I can just get you out of your house and into the light.

When you do, I'll be here waiting.

WCC

Cool Rider

Leave it to me to forget to charge my phone and miss a photo op with Superbads McLovin.

I had a super mellow day today. Nothing much was going on with work. I was thinking about heading down to Orange County to see a friends band play but was still playing it by ear. I haven't been feeling well so I wanted to see how I felt at the end of my day before I committed. I also had the option to go kick it with Glasses for a few hours tonight. He's a few Blogs behind so it was time for me to go by and give him a reading.

At around 3pm I get a text from Hippie Chick, "Any interest in seeing the Foo fighters tonight? Secret show but we have to pick up tix at 5pm in echo park. $20 each."

I mean did she seriously need to ask?

"Uh hell yeah!! I have cash on me..what time would I need t meet up with you?" I text back.

HC, "Gonna leave The Plex at 4pm. Are you home?"

I tell her I'm not so we decide to meet at the EchoPlex at 5pm.

The only problem was I didn't get off work until 6pm. There is no way I'm missing the Foo Fighters. Luckily for me my assistant manager had been nagging me to call the doctor all day. I've been hacking up a lung for the last couple of days and being the mama bear she is she was concerned. So I tell her I'm going to call the doctor in the back. I pick butt in my stock room for a few minutes and then come back out to the sales floor in a panic.

"They said they can see me today but at 5pm...I'm going to call someone in." I tell her hurriedly.

She falls for it and an hour later I'm in my car speeding down the 101 freeway to the EchoPlex.  I feel a tad bit guilty using her concern for me like this. Not enough to deter me but my guilt has been noted.

I barely make it in time. I call up Hippie Chick and she guides me to a parking lot next to the line. The Street Artist comes running up and pulls me back to where she is waiting. I hear a grumble from behind me as I slip in next to her. I'm oblivious and luckily give off a strong enough bitch guard to keep the complainers from speaking directly to me. Five minutes later we hear the announcement.

"The line cut off is here," he says gesturing about 10 people behind me, "Congratulations. You all will be getting tickets. Anyone behind this mark. Sorry. No wristband. No entry. Have a good night!"

We are thrilled! The three of us High five each other and do a little happy dance.  Then we get a call from Astro Boy. We all look at eachother sending a silent, "Uh oh". The Street Artist answers and tells him the bad news. HC and I can hear his screams of sorrow through the phone.

Street Artist hangs up and tells us,"Dude he is freaking out. He was screaming and talking about how shitty his life is. I mean if I was walking down the street and heard him I would have been afraid. This is bad. I mean like suicide watch bad."

We all look at each other not sure what to do. There is no way he can slip into the line at this point. The security gaurds all over us and if we let in one more person there will be a riot for sure.The line starts to move again so for the moment we let it go.  We walk up and after paying our $20 and showing our ID's we receive a wristband (which they place securely on our wrists) and a map to the actual performance location. The Echoplex was a decoy. The performance is going to be held at Spaceland in Silver Lake. Those tricky tricksters.

We all link our wrist banded arms together and run to the car hoping not to get jumped by the 50 people who are still waiting in line. We pile into my car and drive down to meet up with Homeless boyfriend at a Mexican food joint down the way. He is already on the guest list for tonight so he was able to skip the chaos. We call up Astro to join us.

He walks in and looks beyond bummed. We order up a few pitchers of margaritas and keep refilling his glass until the suicidal look leaves his eyes.  Dinner was silly fun as usual. We chant our waitress's name in appreciation everytime she approaches the table and the Street Artist and I decide that we were each others dates for the night. To make it official we both pull out our phones and change our Facebook status to "In a Complicated Relationship". We decide that for the next few weeks we would leave public love messages to each other and have an occasional 'wall' fight.

These are the types of moments I love having. I love not having to answer to anyone. I can have a fake boyfriend if I want too and I can show up to random concerts whenever I want and I can sit in this damn booth and drink my alcoholic beverage and not have to call one damn person to explain any of it. Being single really rocks sometimes. As you know this is the first time I've been single for more then a month in over 15 years. I'm really starting to get into my groove. Man I've been missing out.

It's nearing show time so we all pile into our cars. Hippie Chick and Homeless boyfriend in theirs, me and my date Street Artist in the other. We tell Astro to cruise down to Spaceland and meet us. I mean you never know? We might be able to sneak his unhappy ass in.

We get to the venue lickity split. Its a small nondescript building at the base of a hill. The billboard out front reads, " The White Limo" after the Foo Fighters new album.

I guess back in 1995, Club Spaceland opened its doors with a small unheard of band opening for Beck. That band was the Foo Fighters. Today was the last day that Spaceland would have its original name. It was fitting that the Foo Fighters would close down the place they first opened all those years ago. The venue's new name was going to be Satellites. Lame.

After securing some parking, Street Artist and I roll up to the front of the club arm in arm. We see Astro waiting in line along with 30 other people. Man this sucks so bad. Getting him in is starting to look more and more like an impossibility. We ask if HB and HC are inside. He Shrugs his shoulder so we head into the venue to take a look. No wait. No hassle. We just flash them our magic wristbands and in we go. Awesome.

The place is tiny! I can't believe I'm actually going to see the Foo Fighters in such an intimate space. There are two rooms divided by a small waist height wall. Up a short flight of stairs is a pool room with a second bar that overlooks the stage. The stage itself is just big enough to support a full band. The walls are covered by a metallic blue and silver curtains. The lighting and sound system are decent. On stage a punk band is destroying the music world with their shitty rendition of punk rock. The Street Artist and I decide to make the most of it and dance around while waiting for the bartender to take our order.

All of a sudden The Street Artist bolts across the room towards the door. I look over and to my surprise I see Hippie Chick, Homeless Boyfriend and oh lord I can't believe my eyes, Astro Boy all locked into a hug! The Street Artist crashes into them and they all swing around in his embrace. I yell out a, "No freaking way!" and run over too. We are all hugging and screaming as if Astro just got back from war. I don't know how he did it but Homeless Boyfriend worked his line bypass magic and got him in.

"Please remind me about this moment the next time I say to any of you my life sucks ok?" he tells us. We all laugh and high five each other. I know we all must look completely nuts but none of us care. That's one thing I love about the Hipster crew. They are all confident individuals that could give a shitless about what they look like in front of others. These aren't Party Chasers. They are the party.

Street Artist and I lead the crew back over to the bar so that they can order a drink. I stand to the side. I had one Margarita at the restaurant so im good to go. I'm still feeling pretty shitty so I decide to stick to water the rest of the night. I start to look around the room when I notice a familiar face a few heads down the bar. It's Dave Grohl.

"Oh my god, Street look!" I say to Street Artist as I pull on his shoulder.

"Holy shit" he says.

There the man was just kicking it at the bar in a black hooded sweatshirt and a beer in hand. And here I was cameraless. My phone had died when we were at the restaurant. Unfreaking believable. I settle for staring. It will have to do.

"Hey look, there's Mclovin." Street Artist says as he swings me around.

Now I'm pissed. I always have my camera and the one time I don't I miss a photo op with Dave Grohl and Chistopher Mintz the actor who played freakin Mclovin in Superbad.

"Let's ask him if he wants to go outside and smoke with us,"The Street Artist says grinning.

"Let's do it!" I reply laughing. I start to walk towards him when Streets stops me. "Wait. Let me look up his real name." he says pulling out his phone.

"Good one!" I tell him.

We are both hunched over his phone looking it up when Mclovin comes walking passed us. I push down Street Artist's phone so that he doesn't see our stalker ass's looking at his head shot.

"Fast thinking," Streets says laughing.

We get his name and tell the crew our plan. We leave them at the bar laughing and Street Artist drags me through the crowd after Mclovin. We figure it will be easier to approach the guy if Streets has a hot chick by his side.

We pull up next to him and Street says,"Hey Chris, How are you? I just wanted to see if you wanted to come out with us and hit the pipe for a sec?"

Mclovins eyes open up wide and then he throws his head back and laughs. "Thank you thank you but my asthma has been really bad so I've had to cut back on that stuff. But whats your name man?"

"Street Artist," he tells him as they shake hands.

Then Mclovin's eyes fall on me and he asks," And yours?"

"Carrie" I tell him as he gives my hand a squeeze.

Street and Mclovin exchange a few more words that I don't catch over the shitty bands screaming. We give him a wave and then walk away. That was fun. Mclovin. Funny.

We head back to the gang just in time to see Kathy Griffin and Ron Jeremy walk through the door arm in arm.  Could this night get any better?  I love Kathy. Love love her. Her honesty and uncensored non existent filters remind me of someone near and dear to me....

The horrid band finally finishes up and The Foo Fighters step onto the stage. I can't believe how close I am to them. I mean there is seriously barely 200 people in this joint. It's unbelievable!

Now I've been a fan of the Foo Fighters. I mean they've had more then their share of hits. But nothing prepared me for this. Right before Dave hit his first note Astro turns to me and says, "Be prepared to have your face Rocked Off." He takes his hand  and passes it across his face. Ok my man. Bring it on.

Rocked off was an understatement. The concert was life changing. The band was perfection. Dave's voice flawless. They played every single song from their new album and then proceeded to play every hit they've ever released. We were going nuts! We were bouncing and dancing and laughing and singing along. Astro yells in my ear, "Can you believe how shitty this crowd is?"

He's right. You could see our enjoyment all over our bodies but these boushy wanna be's surrounding us barely even moved. I mean this was a real rock concert. It was loud and hot as satans crotch in the room but we didn't give a shit. We bounced and sweated our way through every song. Meanwhile these losers just sort of swayed there. Not being able to take it anymore the Street Artist empties out his pockets and hands his beer to me.

"I'm going to go stage dive!" he tells me.

Ok. Go for it man.

He takes off through the crowd only to return after 10 minutes looking pissed. "Dude," he says,"These damn losers man. They wouldn't let me get up there! What kind of concert is this?"

Before I can respond I feel Hippie Chicks nails dig into my shoulder."What?" I ask her.

"It's Gwen freaking Stefani." She tells me, her eyes opened wide.

"What!? Where?!" I say back shocked.

"Behind you. Behind the DJ booth against the wall...Next to Gavin Rossdale.." she replies between her teeth. "She looks so beautiful!"

I can't bring myself to turn around. I'm seldom star struck but come on? Its Gwen. I looovvvve her!

I grab HC by the shoulders and turn her back to the DJ booth so that I can look over her shoulder without making it obvious. She was right. There she was. She was leaning up against the wall wearing an oversized black off the shoulder shirt, her hair pulled back into a platinum pony tail with her trademark red lipstick. She looked amazing!

I grab Street Artist and tell him the news in his ear. He asks where she is but then we can't get him to look at her. "I can't look...I can't," he keeps repeating. I grab him by the shoulders like I had HC and place my back to Gwen so that he can look at her over my shoulder.

I can't get the guy to look up. He has securely buried his head into my shoulder and is shaking it back and forth. I laugh and grab the back of his hair and force him to look up. I see his eyes pop open as he spies her with his little eye and promptly turns around to scream.

Just then the Foo Fighters start rocking out another hit. Dave has opened up a water bottle and pours it over his head. He starts swinging his hair around to the music and rips off another rockin wail into the mic.

"That's it!" The Street Artist yells out."I'm surfing!"

He hands me back his beer and sprints through the crowd. A few minutes later I see his little moccasined feet rise into the air. "There he is!" I scream out to HC and HB.

There was our little Street Artist riding the crowd 4 feet away from the Foo Fighters. He would disappear every few seconds down into the crowd and then reappear back up into the air. He had a pretty good ride until security reached over from the top of the stage and pushed him back down. Awesome.

He comes running back to us smiling from ear to ear. We all give him high fives and hugs. I can see Mclovin a few feet away giving us a thumbs up. Then I look over at Gwen and see her staring at us. The women is only about 8 feet away. Like I said the crowd was pretty dull so I know our little group with all its exuberance is sticking out like a sore thumb. I know that look on her face. She wants to hang. I'm tempted to go over and ask her to join our little noisy crowd. But then I think better of it. It will be sort of hard to speak to someone you can't even bring yourself to look directly at.

Her and Gavin take each others hands and walk down from the booth. They are now standing right behind our little group. Astro boy walks over and says to Gavin, "hey man. there are still about 15 people waiting outside in line. Anyway you can do something about that and help get them in?"

Gavin throws back his head and laughs. Leave it to one of ours to try to get a star to help us bypass the line for the dearly rejected outside.  Gavin takes Gwens hand again and they walk out. Gwen seemed blue. She had that, "I'm fighting with my man" expression on her face. Where ever you are Gwen dear, next time, come kick it with us.

The concert seems to go on forever. I think it actually lasted about 2 hours. The boys rocked out atleast 30 songs. I've never seen anything like it. Hippe Chick and I begin to get tired and are way to sweaty to comfortably stand in the crowd anymore. We leave the boys and head upstairs where the air conditioning seems to be located. We take a seat at a booth next to Kathy Griffin. Damn I wish I had my camera. She is so stinking tiny. I had no idea. I could seriously fit her into my pocket.

HC grabs us a couple of waters from the bar and we both sit side by side watching the band from behind the glass divider. I can't believe what a great night its been. I feel so good. I can see the boys down below bouncing around and hugging each other. Homeless Boyfriend is swinging his long hair around doing a pretty good impression of Dave. I giggle to myself. I love this. This is what I needed. To just be able to go out and be me and have a good time. Just then a guy walks by and pauses for a second seemingly staring at my shoes. "Love the black pedicure," he says to me and walks away. "Ew, foot fetish, " HC says.

"We need to find you someone" she says scanning the room.

"Honestly," I tell her, "I'm good. I feel really good. There is not one ounce of me that feels the need to meet someone tonight. I feel good being here alone."

And it's true. I think about my relationships of the past. I mean there is no way Huge Asshole would have been ok with me being here. He was totally insecure and jealous. The whole time I would have been texting him reassurances that I wasn't getting groped all night. Or worse. I would have had to invite him here just so that I could watch him scanning the room moodily looking to see who was looking at my ass.

Then there was Nutty as a Fruitcake. He wouldn't be looking around the room or at the band or necessarily socializing with anybody. He would have had his huge arms wrapped around me in an anaconda like embrace, not caring that it was hot as all hell in the joint. He would have just been looking into my eyes in his,"I worship you more then god" way and telling me how cute I was. It's funny how I really enjoyed his attachment to me in the beginning but soon I tired of being his entire world. It was so draining. He was my first experience with the, "If I can't have you no one can" type of scary breakup. But that's a story I'll save for another blog.

"That's great Carrie," Hippie Chick tells me," Honestly, this is the first time in a long time that I've seen you being you again. This is the Carrie I remember. It's wonderful."

"I know," I tell her "I let my relationships over the last couple of years take over and drain me of who I am. Its crazy how 2 months ago I was a total wreck. I feel so much better being alone now."

"I know," she says. "But I still have my eye out searching for someone for you."

I laugh,"Well I know what I want. When The Street Artist pulled me through the crowd by man hand it made me realize what I wanted from a man. I need a guy who's a leader. I need a guy who brings me to these events not someone who tags along with me. I need someone who is confidant and strong and I don't have to babysit. I mean I just wrote that in my blog the other day. About how I was glad things didn't work out between me and Partyboy. He is a guy I would have to bring here and then babysit. Just another guy I would have to take care of."

"Yeah, but you two have mad chemistry" she tells me."You could see it when you were together."

"I know. It's still there. Whenever I'm around he still tries to get my attention and let everyone in the room know we know eachother. The other night he was leaning on me at the strip club like this." I lean over and demonstrate for her.

"Oh my god dude, he is totally like a little puppy." She says.

"Exactly. He reminds me of Huge Asshole. I know how hard it is to find someone you have chemistry with. I mean I never would have stayed with Huge Asshole as long as I did if it wasn't for the damn sex. It kept me there way longer then I should have stayed through all of his bullshit."

"I know what you mean," she says. "It's hard letting go of something like that. It's great that you know what you want. I mean your older and you've been married and had a few really serious relationships. Your at a point were you can identify what you need from a man and not settle. But just know. I've got my eye out for you."

I laugh and turn back to the band. Just then they pull out another hit from their ass so Hippie Chick and I run back down to the boys to bounce around to the hits.

Dave finally says his goodbyes to the crowd. The Foo Fighters exit the stage, but we are all from LA and know the drill. An encore will be had. Which is the problem with these wanna be snobs in the audience. They give some half ass cheers and applause. Not nearly appreciative enough for the band to fake like they were forced back out onto the stage.

Astro boy takes the problem into his own hands. "Foo Fight. Ers! Foo Fight. Ers!" he begins to chant at the top of his lungs, punctuating each syllable with his fist. Street Artist, Hippie Chick, Homeless boyfriend and I all start to scream out the chant with him. It takes us about 8 chants before the weak crowd finally takes up the chant. But it works. The Foo Fighters step back onto the stage and rock out 5 more songs.

Now that was a freaking amazing concert. This goes down as my favorite of all time.

The night is over. We all head outside so that the boys can get a few interviews for their website before we go. The boys finish up and we all walk back up to our cars.

I pass out hugs and and get in my car and head home a little sad that I'm not heading back to The Plex with the rest of the hipster crew. I'll have to start packing tomorrow for sure.

I had an amazing night. Alone. With no man. I could get used to this being single thing.

But I know the euphoria won't last. We all get lonely. Even me. But now atleast I know what I want.

I'm a huge Grease fan. I own part one and part two. There is a song in part 2 that Michelle Pfeiffer sings that I can't get enough of. I can't say it any better then this so here is it:

"If you really want to know
What I want in a guy...
Well, I'm lookin' for a dream on a mean machine
With hell in his eyes.
I want a devil in skin tight leather,
And he's gonna be wild as the wind.
And one fine night, I'll be holdin' on tight...

To a coooool rider, a coooool rider.
If he's cool enough,
He can burn me through and through.
Whhoa ohhhh
If it takes forever,
Then I'll wait forever.
No ordinary boy,
No ordinary boy is gonna do.
I want a rider that's cool.

That's the way it's gonna be,
And that's the way that I feel.
I want a whole lot more than the boy next door,
I want hell on wheels.
Just give me a fine motorcycle,
With a man growin' out of the seat.
And move aside, cause I'm gonna ride... "

I want a man with hell in his eyes. I want a man who makes me feel like a silly girl everytime he enters the room. I want a man who thrills me. I want a leader. I want a man who is the party. Hell better yet someone who makes the party. I want a man who knows what I need. I want someone I can give into and let him know I'm his for the taking. No ordinary boy will do for me. Not anymore. I want to burn. I want to ride.

I want a Cool Rider.

Strippers in 3D

I went to a strip club with Douche Bag last night.

I started the night downtown with HC, HB and a few of the hispter crew. We went to a super cool 3D concert being held in some old downtown buildings ballroom. I had speeded my way home to change so that I could join them. I threw on a black dress with my vintage multi colored jacket. It has fur around the collar and cuffs. Makes me feel like Foxy Brown. I slipped on my knee high brown leather boots and out the door I ran.

The concert was sold out.  Homeless Boyfriend scored me a ticket, but it almost didn't work. We hadn't realized that the actual tickets were the black rimmed 3D glasses everyone was walking around with. I ran up to the booth window where Astro Boy was collecting his specs. The two of us double teamed the ticket seller and finally convinced her that giving me a pair of glasses was better than watching me cry. She handed them over with a wink and a side of 'get the hell out of here'.

We walked into the ballroom. High ceilings with low-hung chandeliers. There was a stage at the end with a large screen placed behind a DJ booth.  There were two performers on the stage rapping against deep house music.  We squeezed our way up to the front of the stage where the Street Artist and the rest of the hipster crew were dancing. The second we hit the stage lip the performers on the stage shot off two guns full of confetti. We all screamed in appreciation and danced through the colorful snow. We pass out hugs to each other and then quieted down as the lights began to dim and the screen began to glow. We see an explosion of lights and floating boxes and snakes and a whole zoo of shapes and patterns. The singer danced around the stage seemingly just missing the floating madness around him. Every few minutes they would throw glow sticks into the crowd. I grabbed a handful and stuck them into my pony tail. It was a trip. Fun.

When the concert was over we all headed up a flight of stairs to a hidden bar. It was gorgeous inside. Low ceilings with dark floors and intricate carved moldings with baby cupid faces placed at the corners of the room. I felt like I was in the inside of the Titanic or something. There were 3 black women on the stage belting out honey-like harmonies. To the right they had two chicks doing nail art. Hippie Chick and I walked over to get our nails done. Well, a nail done. They wanted $3 finger. One would do. Street Artist walks over and wants in on the nail time action. He takes a seat and gets some art done on his finger too. Man he's cute.
We chilled for a bit until we tired and then decided to head out.

I called up Glasses to see where he was at. I was supposed to meet up with him tonight but I got carried away downtown.

"I'm at Douchebags, come down." he tells me.

I have him text me the address and I head over after dropping off Hippie Chick and Homeless Boyfriend at The Plex.

I pull up to Douchebags and call Glasses again to get the apartment number.
"Oh we left," he says. "We are across the street at the strip club."

Really? No thanks.

"Dude, I don't want to go to the strip club. I'll just catch you guys later." I tell him.

"No no, come down. It'll be fun I swear. Just come," he pleads with me.

Fine fine fine. I agree and cruise back around the block and land in front of the flashing boobies sign. Glasses is standing outside the club with Partyboy. Man I can't seem to shake this guy. I reach into my back seat and grab Partyboy's sweater and hat. He left the hat at The Plex the night before and forgot to grab his sweater from my car. Again.

"Dude, take these. I have a freaking Partyboy shrine in my car right now."

Partyboy walks over unsteadily and takes his things. Then after a few tries and misses plants a kiss on my cheek. Drunk. Again. Predictable.

I give Glasses a hug and we head inside the club. The whole PartyGuy crew is in the entryway. A mixture of girls and guys that all live in the same apartment as Douchebag. I see a few of them with glowsticks around their wrists and necks. "Downtown?" one of the guys asks me. I still have my glow time fun in my hair and I drove the whole way over still wearing my 3D glasses.

"Hell yeah," I respond giving him a high five."How amazing was that concert?"

The group responds in the affirmative. We start gabbing about the 3D action when Douchebag comes up behind me. "Hey you," he says giving me a hug...and a double pat on the ass.

Agh! I hate that. Do not touch my ass unless invited buddy.
He walks back away and continues haggling with the door guy to get us all in. They finally come to an agreement and we all walk into the club.

It's pretty much what I expected. Red velvet seats, a few booths against the wall and two runways with poles down the center. There are neon lights spaced out on the walls and lining the stage. Looks way cool through my 3D glasses. I decide to keep them on. The place is pretty empty so it's really just the strippers and us. We all take a seat in the booths against the wall. Partyboy plants himself next to me. He always seems to gravitate my way when I'm around. Old habits die hard I guess.

Douchebag is running around being the party director as usual. His trademark leather jacket is on with that same thin layer of sweat across his lip. He really should think about buying a lighter jacket. Every few he punctuates a sentence with, "That's what she said." It's hilarious. I find him so entertaining at times. It doesn't even bother me that he talks trash about me. It's just his way. Like I said, at least he's consistent.

I look over at him now and see that he has his face in a strippers ass. Literally in her ass. I turn to one of the girls in our group and tell her to remind me not to let him kiss me goodbye when I leave. She laughs and right before she gives me a response my view gets blocked by Partyboy. He has leaned over and is resting his weight on my lap. He's so funny with me. I don't really consider him a friend. I don't think I ever will. I'm not really into being friends with people I've fooled around with. It's too weird. But he's drunk so I leave him be. At least he's quiet and not acting a fool.  He only stays that way for about 10 minutes. Then he leans back against the booth and promptly passes out.

"We should all get up and just leave him," says the same PartyGuy's girl.

I laugh and tell her let's do it. I'm totally lying of course. I would never leave him like that. We aren't together but I still care. Bottom line is he has been very sweet and respectful to me during these last few weeks. Whatever connection we had is still there, so for now, I'll help babysit.

Just then a stripper comes up to me and rubs her almost completely naked body against my arm. She's warm and attractive and has the whole seductress look down to a science. "I'm so going to steal that look," I think to myself.

"Do you want a lap dance?" she asks me.

Kind of. I mean I'm not gay at all. I've never experimented with any girl on girl action before but if I did I would totally go for this chick.

"No I'm good but I'm sure one of the guys would," I tell her instead. Honestly I would have to be really drunk and not in the company of my Besty Glasses or the pervy eyes of Douchebag to do something like that.

"Which one is really horny?" she asks me.

"Well me," I think in my head. Instead I point to Douchebag who is standing in front of the table talking to his adoring Party gang. She walks over and wraps herself around him. He reaches down and gives her ass his trademark double tap. Ew. Now he's totally ruined  her for me.

I look over at Partyboy. The guy is actually snoring. Leave it to him to pass out at 4am in a strip club with 12 other people partying around him. I pull out one of my glow sticks and place it behind his ear wishing I had tinsel so I could continue decorating him.

It's almost closing time so everyone starts to get up and leave. Glasses and I both look at Partyboy who is still snuggled comfortably in his seat. "Not it!,"I yell at Glasses tagging his shoulder. He laughs and then walks away. Ass.

I turn towards Partyboy and shake his leg. Nothing. I reach up and pat the side of his face. That does it.
"Let' go PB. We're leaving. Put on your sweater." I tell him.

He slowly sits up and starts to put his sweater on under his jacket. He is moving at a snail's pace. I look over at Glasses who is laughing at me from the doorway. I glare at him and then turn back to help Partyboy get his shit together. He finally manages to get his jacket back on. I grab his phone and tuck it into his pocket. Man did I dodge a bullet with this guy or what? Sweet dude but he's a total mess.

We head out of the club and the two of them jump in my car. We pull back up to Douchebags place, where I decide to say my goodbyes. Its 4 am and time for me to hit the hay. I let Partyboy get out and I turn to Glasses to give him a hug goodbye.

"Tomorrow dudey? Super bowl?" I tell him.

"Yes, for sure. Call me when you're on your way," He tells me.

You got it Besty. See you tomorrow. And this, time no strip clubs.

Bloody Hell

I'm going to kill Glasses.

The two of us hadn't gone out in a while so we made plans to kick it on Thursday night. We were playing it mellow so I just threw on a pair of black skinny jeans, a brown belt, and my knee high brown leather boots with a matching leather bomber jacket. I topped the outfit off with a long feather necklace. Too bad it's night time. A pair of aviator glasses would be perfect.

We kicked it in the Hollywood Hills at his friend's house for a bit. Had a few drinks and helped him put together some IKEA furniture. Around midnight I got a call from Hippy Chick letting me know that her and Homeless Boyfriend were having a little kick back at The Plex.

That's what we call the new Duplex that we are all renting together. They found a 2000 square foot 3 bedroom duplex in what's known as the Miracle Mile area. The original roommate bailed out last minute so I was top of the list for roomy candidates. After checking out the place I fell in love. It's an old building from the 1920's. Huge living room with wood floors, a dining room, large kitchen with a breakfast nook. And my bedroom is double the size of the one I have now. I'm super excited to not be living alone anymore.  I'm even more excited to move somewhere that Nutty as a Fruitcake can't find me. Stalkers can be hard to shake sometimes but this ought to do it.

We cruise over and I give Glasses the tour. He's loving it. He and I are kicking it in HC's bedroom when my phone rings. It's The Kid. I couldn't believe my eyes. The Kid never calls me. He'll text me for days but actual phone calls? Never.

I do a little kick in the air and answer the phone.

"Whats up Chica?",he asks me.

He sounds super sick. Guess we partied a little too hard while he was here.  We start to chit chat a bit when Glasses asks to speak with him. I laugh and hand over the phone.  It's funny, when we left Glasses friends house he seemed pretty sober, but the man was getting drunker and drunker by the minute.  He starts to speak to The Kid with a British accent. I ignore the conversation and turn back to HC.

"Dude, this is so weird. The Kid never calls. I think this is like the second time ever." I'm telling her.

Meanwhile I hear Glasses,"Bloody hell...you should come back...right now. I'll buy your bloody ticket..."

"Really?" she responds to me.

"Yeah. I wonder if its because I sent him that blog. He's like feeling all attached now." I say

After I wrote 'The Kid - The beginning', I sent him a copy. He was blown aways by my detail. It was a long time ago. But more than that he and I don't talk about our feelings. Ever. I honestly don't think he's ever even told me that he likes me. I mean obviously I know he does. He's just has never said it. And for the most part neither have I.  So reading that must have been a trip for him...and a positive one at that.

Glasses has started to curse like he's Ozzy, so I walk over to him to take the phone back.
He hands it to me and says, "Tell him I'll buy his ticket to come back."

"Glasses says he will buy your ticket if you want to come back." I repeat.

The Kid laughs then shocks the hell out of me saying, "I can't come now but I'll probably be there in a couple of weeks."

What?! No freaking way. The Kid here? Again? 

"Are you kidding me? Really?" I ask him surprised.

"Yeah. My brother wants to come down too." he says.

I walk into the other room to hear him better. I love his brother. It would be awesome to have them both down.  What a trip. The Kid is like coming out every month to see me now. What does that mean? Whatever. We will never talk about it so I'll let it go.

After I wrap up the conversation and we say our goodnights, I go back into HC's room to find her and Glasses talking about The Kid.

"I wasn't impressed," I hear her saying.

"What are you two talking about?" I ask.

"The Kid," says Glasses."We think you can do better."

I laugh, "Better than what? It's who I have. The only constant in my life. For a while now."

"I don't know, " says HC,"I don't see you with him. I mean Goodtimes was cool, but The Kid? I see you with someone more like Partyboy."

I roll my eyes but I know why she is confused. The Kid isn't my normal kind of guy. I like the Kooks. I like the guys who are just slightly off and more than a little nutz. Nutty as a Friutcake, Goodtimes and Partyboy fit my type perfectly. The Kid on the other hand? Super mellow. He gets involved when out partying but he is definitely more reserved. Which is why I think I liked him when we first met him. At the time I was in the middle of a crazy divorce. The end of my marriage was such chaos. The Kid was a welcome reprieve. He calmed me.

Just then Partyboy calls. He's off work and wants to come kick it. I shake my fist at the universe and then text him back the address.

"Yep, I don't think things are done between you two," she says to me.

"Dude, he has his girl in Vegas. He and I are done. There is no option there. So I'll continue with who actually wants to be in my life." I tell her as she looks at me disapprovingly. I laugh, "Look. I'll admit it was interesting having The Kid here in my space. It did make me realize that he doesn't really fit in my world."

It was true. I mean the people I hang out with are loud and fun creative artist. Even myself. I manage a business, I'm a professional dancer, I write, I sing and I have a rockin loud goodtime with my friends. The Kid will kick it anywhere I am and have a good time, but he isn't a ring leader like the rest of us. I'm used to my guys being the life of the party or at the very least the comic relief.

"I think that if he and I lived in the same state we probably wouldn't be together." I tell her, "But the fact that he is out of state keeps it fresh. It's always a start over when I see him. Besides, he takes care of me. I didn't pay for a damn thing when the boys were here. He's considerate, and looks after me. Partyboy is just like Nutty as a Fruitcake and Huge Asshole. He's a guy I'd have to take care of. Not a guy that will take care of me."

"I get that," she tells me, "I just think we need to keep looking for you."

She knows me too well. The casual observer would think that I WAS looking. I date a ton. But she knows as well as I do that I'm just doing it for WCC.  These guys hold very little interest for me.

She begins to talk about Partyboy again when I look towards the door and make her stop. Partyboy will be here any minute. The last thing I want is for him to hear us talking about him. Or worse, for him to hear about WCC. I learned my lesson with The Creeper. The characters I write about can never know. Like I said, men are sensitive creatures that can't handle shit.

HC is getting tired so Glasses and I leave her be and head into the kitchen with the rest of the crew. I grab Glasses black rimmed specs and put them on. I hop up onto the kitchen counter and relax. Just then the front door bell rings. Here he is. Homeless Boyfriend goes to let him in.

He walks in passing out hello's in an accent. Man these guys are funny. This one is definitely the comic relief. I see his eyes fall on me and that's when I see it. The Flash. The same one he had when I first looked up at him from within his arms on New Years. Interesting.

We give him the tour. He is loving it as well. The Plex rocks.
He looks down at me and says, "Are those Glasses?" referring to the glasses on my face.
"Yeah," I say.

"I thought you looked different," he says.
Good one Sherlock, "Can I see them?"

I hand them over and he puts them on. That's the problem with these metro guys. He must have thought I looked cute in the glasses so pretty boy decided he wanted to look good too. God I could never date a rockstar. I'd have to put a lock on my closet and put my makeup in a safe.

We hang at the house for another hour or so. The guys are goofing about and smoking out. I'm sober as usual and just taking in the scene. Finally HB says his good nights so we all head out. I won't be moving in till next weekend. By this time Glasses is good and tanked so we try to take his keys from him. There is no way his ass is driving.  But the guy is resisting.

The guy is so drunk that he has moved passed drunky land and thinks that he has landed on the other side into Soberworld. But I know better. He keeps asking me to let him drive and I just keep repeating no.  I ask Partyboy if he's sober enough to drive. He slurs some sort of yes with a side of, I'm really stoned.

"That's it," I say. "Both of you get your asses in my car. I'm driving."

Thankfully the boys follow my commands and hop in. Partyboy is hungry so I stop by McDonalds. As Partyboy is ordering Glasses starts yelling slurred curse words at the menu. It's funny as hell but I stop him anyways so that we don't get any spit in our food.

As I pull away Partyboy reaches over and gives my shoulders a squeeze, "Thanks for stopping for food. You're a doll."

Uh ok. Why do guys think that we give a shit for thank you's like these? Is he trying to come across as sweet or just polite? I take it as neither. I'm not the type of girl who needs words of appreciation. Show me, don't tell me. But this guy has nothing to show so just eat your mcnuggets and shut your trap dudey.

We get back to the Hills and Glasses turns on the fireplace. The guys finished eating in the car and have started to get their drink back on. I don't know how they do it. 2 drinks and I tap out, but these two? Well the Partyguys have me beat hands down.

Partyboy is sitting on the couch texting. I can only assume it's his girl. Then he asks Glasses, "So you are going to help me entertain my friends when they come down next weekend right?" Yep. His girl.

Ew. Seriously? I mean he was still giving me smooches less than a week ago and he's already talking about his chick in front of me? Learn the rules dude. Too soon.  The Kid and I have this open dating thing down to a science. He has had his relationships and so have I. But we never talk about it in front of each other. There is an unspoken respect that we give each other. That goes for anyone for that matter. No matter how many people I may be dating I never let those relationships touch the one I'm with. I'm good at it. Each guy believes that I am hopelessly devoted to them. I'm an amazing multi tasker.

But here Partyboy is reading a text from her asking if he has a Valentines date. I'm not enjoying what I'm feeling. He's making me feel like I was the one who was keeping him warm until he got back to his girl. Not cool.

I get up to leave. I'd rather go home and talk some shit in my blog than listen to this. The boys aren't having it. Glasses runs over and plops me back down on the couch. Partyboy echos his pleads to stay. Men. They never know what they want.

I stay for a bit longer. Glasses is bouncing around the room and Partyboy is falling asleep sitting up next to the fireplace. He stands up announcing that he is going to try to find some wine in the bar. But instead he plops his weight across my lap ass up....and stays there.

So here I am, its 4am, Glasses is dancing around the room and Mr. Narcolepsy is passing out across my lap with his ass in my face. I so asked for this. I should have went home.

"Whats up Partyboy...Partyboy...I bet you don't know nothin about WCC," Glasses starts taunting Partyboy.

"Glasses! Shut up, " I hiss under my breath.

"She killed you. WCC, she killed you," he continues.

It's funny as hell. He keeps repeating,"you don't know about WCC...WCC, you don't know. WCC...WCC"
He keeps repeating WCC, with a nod of his head to punctuate each letter. He sounds like Yogi the bear.

"Glasses! You're going to get Peter Parker killed dammit." I tell him.

Luckily for me Partyboy is drifting into sleep and honestly isn't all that bright anyways. This all sounds like drunken gibberish to him and I'm thankful. I don't want him to know.  Not because I think he'll freak out but I don't want to take the chance that I'll start to sensor what I'm writing because I know he's reading. The beauty of all this is that I can write without any inhibitions. I put down every surface thought that runs across my head. With little or no thought to consequences. This is just me rambling for the masses.

I had nothing to worry about. Partyboy's breathing has deepened and he's out like a light.  I start to squeeze my way out from under him. After a struggle and a little drunken assistance from Glasses I finally manage my way out from under him.

I give Glasses a big hug and head on home. Strange night. Hippie Chick really made me think.

I realized a few things. The Kid is not the one. He is my right now. Or better yet he is my sometimes. But I don't have a One. Partyboy is a hoot but I've already tired of his drunken antics.  I know these new guys won't fit the bill. The Highlander is too much of a considerate suit. I like some bite in my men. I just found out that 10 Points models on the side. Ew. I hate models. Nutty as a Fruitcake used to model and left a bad taste in my mouth. Now Monkeyboy? Not sure yet. He is flying to Australia soon to direct a music video. He is definitely a creative which I like, but I'm not sure if the chemistry is there. I like my men tall and large. Lumberjacks. I like to be manhandled so a guy needs to have the size to make that happen.

I might be going out with Monkeyboy tomorrow night. Should be interesting. My old characters are getting stale so I look forward to introducing the new. And who knows? Maybe there will be a click?

Oh who am I kidding? I'm not ready for a click. But I could use a little fooling around action.  Four days of consistent sex left me a little worse for wear.  God being in my 30's sucks without a decent outlet. I'm wishing the Kid lived here again.

Two more weeks and I can get my kicks. I'll just have to hold out till then.

And as for you Glasses? Keep my secret just that. Secret. Or I'll have to kill your ass off too.

Kiiddddddiiinngg. You're my boo. I'll take care of you anytime you're drunky poo. I'll just have to tape your mouth shut next time.

WCC

Cravings

Man its freezing ass in my house tonight...

For the first time in a long while I'm home at a decent hour. I played it mellow last night and just shot the shit with Glasses at his house for a few hours. I decided to be a good girl tonight and came straight home after work.

Still feeling a bit blue. Lonely to be exact.  I was spoiled for 4 days with The Kid,so readjusting to being single again has been hard. Not that I don't have plenty of boys to talk to. I have 3 new characters in the works as we speak. I call them 10 Points, Monkeyboy and The Highlander.  The Highlander is by far my favorite. Super shy, totally considerate and hot as all hell. A deadly combination...for him, not me. I hope I don't hurt him. He seems like a sweet guy.

But they're all a poor substitute for a true connection. I mean they amuse me to death, but as far as something deeper? None of them have a shot in hell. It's hard to find someone that you truly connect with. True chemistry is rare. Sometimes we think we find it but then it fades. Which means it wasn't real in the first place. I'm missing the kind of intimacy that never fades. The kind that grows stronger over time.

You know the kind I'm talking about.

I'm looking for that guy that gives me butterflies every time he enters the room. Even if he just stepped out for a moment. The kind of guy that makes me giddy. The kind of guy that I want to text a photo to every time I think I look hot. The kind of man that I can crave. Day in. Day out.

I have that with The Kid. I used to feel that way about Huge Asshole. And that's it. In over 30 years I've only found 2. Well, that's not necessarily true. I had the beginning feelings like that for Partyboy. True chemistry. We just didn't have time to develope any type of deeper connection. It was almost there. I felt it.

But for now I'll do without. I plan on going out to see The Kid in a few months. I'm gonna have to wait to satiate my cravings till then.

I know I always say that it's better to be the girl they want than the girl they've had. But maybe I should try allowing a man close enough to show me that I'm the girl that they want to keep.  I'll have to work on that.


But not now...I'm still a bitter bitch. I'd rather stick to masturbating.

WCC out.

The Kid - The beginning

Feeling pretty blue tonight. Not sure exactly why. A combination of things I suppose.

I had a long day at work. Every phone call I received was some new drama I needed to deal with. I got bitched at by HR, and had to write an explanation letter to my bosses boss over some payrole bullshit. I rolled out at 9pm feeling like dirt.

One highlight from today was I got to go hang with Glasses. I hadn't seen him at all this weekend so we both had major separation anxiety. He will be leaving in a few weeks out of the country for work. We are both trying to figure out how we are going to handle it. I prefer to not think about it for now.

I think I'm also blue because The Kid is gone. I got to spend 4 awesome days with him. That's a record for us. He was in my town, in my bed, in my arms. And now he is gone again. It's funny, as anti relationship as I am at the moment, I can't help but long for a day he and I can be together. I mean actually together. In the same state. I have fantasies that he has to move out here for work. Or that he wins the lottery and buys a vacation home here. It would take so little to please me. One weekend a month is all I would ask for.

Goodtimes and I were texting eachother the other night. He asked me what was going on between me and the Kid.

"What do u mean?" I text back.

"What are u trying to be or are you just having fun?" he asks.

"We aren't trying to be anything. I mean we don't have a whole lot of choices. He's there I'm here. And like I said, he sort of holds me at an arms distance. Its his way, I've gotten used to it. But I like to think its more then just having fun." geez, am I pouring my heart out to this guy or what?

"I really like him," I continue. "Always have. It sucks."

I wanted Goodtimes to know that my feelings for The Kid weren't about just having fun. I wish we could have more but we do the best we can with the hand we've been dealt.

"Your cute together," he says.

Tell me about it. The Kid and I have so much fun.  We laugh at everything. All the time. There's no fighting or anger or jealousy. We are perfectly at ease when together. I've gone months, hell a year without seeing him but when I do we always pick up just where we left off. Totally enamored with each other...

The Kid was my first crush after I left my husband. I had flown out to be with my family and get my head straight. To say that I went a little hog wild would be an understatement.

 The second my feet touched the out of state dirt I was off and running into dating land.  That was the beginning of my double sometimes triple booking dating lifestyle. I partied every night I was there...38 days to be exact...rain or shine. I lost over 10 pounds in 2 weeks from my 22 hour party days. I had a freaking blasty blast blowing though these guys. Kisses for some, a week or two of dating for others. There were 2 that I dated pretty consistently. Pablo was one of them. Pablo is his real name. I honestly couldn't come up with a better one. Well I did consider the name Dingbat, but we'll just stick to his birth name for now.

I remember going out to downtown with my Sister one night. I was supposed to meet up with Dingbat (screw it. It does fit him.) at one of the clubs on the strip. But we hit a small hitch. My sisters boyfriend decided to get into a fight with her right there on the street. To this day we have no idea what he was tripping on. Ok, well maybe I had a small idea. She had been partying with me almost every night for 3 weeks. Guess he had a right to be a little pissed. But what the hell man she was fun and a damn good wingman.

He went storming away after his rant about how they were over. I love what my sister said after he walked away, "Why in the hell would he break up with me when I'm out and looking hot? So stupid"

Why indeed? It was time to get our party on.

We left where he was hanging and headed into another bar where apparently it was 'hot guy' night. I was in heaven. This was a small town and the place always makes me feel like a shark. The boys there are easily confused and even easier to pick off. Just when I was getting ready to sink my teeth into one my sister tells me, "We got to go."

What? Oh hell no.
"Why?" I ask her.

"Because I know my boyfriend. He's pissed and he will probably come looking for me and if he see's a guy even standing next to me he will freak out," she tells me.

Damn it all to freaking hell. I pull out my phone and give Dingbat a quick call. He is partying a few clubs over and I was supposed to meet up with him in a few. I tell him I'll be back in a few hours to catch up with him.

"Ok, lets go" I tell her after I hang up.

We head to a club a few miles away where it is apparently 'ugly guy' night. Nothing but overweight Native American women with mullets and a few random cowboys. This sucks ass. We make the most of it weeding through crowd trying to find atleast a 'maybe' to smooch. We didn't luck out.

Closing time rolls around and I call up Dingbat. He is drunk and leaving the club.

"Don't drive," I tell him. "We'll come pick you up."

My family lives in a state with a painfully high drunk driver mortality rate. My sister can drive stick so the plan is for him to ride with me while my sister follows behind us in his car.

We cruise back downtown and the place is a ghost town. It's now 2am and everyone has gone home. I swear I even saw a tumble weed roll by. Dingbat had told me he was parked near the library so we cruise over that way. I see his blue Volvo on the curb and a band of 5 guys walking towards it.

"There they are!" my sister yells pointing.

We are on a one way street so I quickly cruise around the block to catch up with them. But by the time I get there they are all behind the wheel and driving towards the light. Mercifully it turns red and we pull up along side them. We don't recognize the driver so my sister yells out her window, "Where's Dingbat?"

"In the backseat," the driver says.

"Well pull over, I'm driving" she answers back.

The boys follow orders and pull to the side of the road. My sister jumps out and after a few seconds of conversation with them yells something I don't catch. A few minutes later the driver of the car pops into my passenger seat. Without skipping a beat I say, "hi. put on your seatbelt." and pull away to follow my sister who has already driven off.

The guy who sits next to me is pretty damn cute. He is dressed casually with a baseball cap on his head. We start to chit chat about fast food of all things. Neither one of us can stop talking. We are laughing and having a grand ol time. There is no first time meeting pressure because I have my guy in the car in front of us being driven by my sister and he is sufficiently buzzed enough not to care. Or so I thought.

I come to find out later that the incoherent words my sister had yelled at me were, "It's the wrong car. Dingbat isn't in here!"

I guess when she walked up to the car she had told them to let Dingbat get out so he could ride with me. They all looked at eachother like the Jig was Up. The driver answers back to her, "Um, we don't actually know who Dingbat is but could you still drive us?"
Hilarious. And my sister being the funny bad ass she is says ok, and throws the hot driver over my way. Like I said. She's a great wing man.

So here I was driving behind my sister in the car that she had just car jacked from the driver who I had apparently now kidnaped. And I was ok with it. I introduced myself as Carrie. He tells me his name is The Kid.

And that's how we met. My sister drove around town in his car dropping off each of the cars occupants while The Kid and I shot the shit the whole way. We finally got to our final destination. The last of The Kids friends house's.

"Do you guys smoke?" he asked me.

Yes siree we do! He invites us inside. The pad is cool. Large and with a music studio in the back. We all pile in there and me and The Kid start messing with his friends impressive music collection. After we pop on some tunes the 4 of us take a few hits off his bong.

We stayed at that house for 7 hours. We had so much fun. The Kid and I discovered our taste in the same music, his friend started playing the guitar. We all sat there stoned out of our mines singing Sublime songs and goofing around. Sometime around 4 am I finally received a phone call from Dingbat.

"Where are you," he asks me.

"An after party, what happened to your ass?" I yell at him.

"Oh, we just decided to drive after all, " god this guy is a dumbass,"Are you going to come by later?"

"Yeah, I'll be leaving in a bit." I respond then hang up. I look around the room. They are all staring at me, quiet.

"I'm not going over there," I tell them. We all laugh and turn the music back up.

As the night started to turn into early morning I began to give up on The Kid and I making a connection. For the most part I'm ok with that. I was just so excited at how cool he was. I thought atleast I found an amazing friend that I could hang out with when I was in town.

Next thing I know my sister and The Kids friend disappear leaving the two of us alone. Intentionally I just know it. I'm sitting on a chair and The Kid is standing in front of me. We are both stoned out of our minds and have been zoning out on the Red Hot Chili Peppers songs for the past hour or so.

The Kid looks at me over his shoulder. I look back thinking how funny he is. And that's when he made his move. Six hours of laughs and music and The Kid finally cups my face in his hands and lays one on me.

Yeah baby! I had kissed a ton of guys those few weeks but by far this was the best. The guy knew all my tricks without me having to demonstrate them first. When we pulled away I even said it,"dude you kiss exactly like me."

"I know right?" he replies, and then pulls me up out of my chair so that he can kiss me with his arms wrapped around me.

We spent the next half hour just snogging our brains out. The sun began to rise and my sister finally comes in and tells me its time to go. Boo.

We all walk out to our cars and The Kid pulls me in for another kiss. "You should just come back to my house, " he tells me.

I laugh, " I can't. It's late. Or early. Whatever. Time to go. Next time."

He kisses me again and gets in his car. I jump in with my sister with a big grin on my face.

"Did you get his number?" she asks me.

"I gave him mine, " I tell her.

"Screw that. Go get his too." she says nudging me.

She's right! This is one guy I don't want to have to wait for.

I run back to his car to gather his number and a few more smooches.

We get back to my moms place where I was staying. " How was your night?" she asks me.

"I'm in love!" I told her ignoring her look of disapproval.

"Your not in love," she tells me.

"Yes I am. I love him the mostess," I say again floating to the bedroom to catch a few hours of sleep.

I ended up seeing The Kid almost every night after that. We partied it up for days. I slept there at his house for the remainder of my trip. My family stopped asking where I was. If I wasn't home they knew I was with The Kid.

Leaving was hard. I extended my trip twice to be able to spend more time with him. But alas it was finally time for me to go home and face reality. Leaving that first time was the worse. I've adjusted over the years but I still remember how in love I was back then. I've tapered my emotions down to a strong liking for him. I can't handle feeling any other way. But man, I'm feeling that sadness again right now.

Where ever you are Kid, I'm thinking of you...and missing you...and crossing my fingers that you win that damn lottery.

Bedtime for me. Night all.
WCC